The True Face of Love
by MarieP
Summary: How much change could you accept to be with the one you love? GIRL!SPIKE for part of the story. COMPLETE
1. Default Chapter

Title: The True Face of Love

Author: MarieC

Feedback: Please... M

Pairing: A/S

Spoilers: ATS Season 5; very general time-line post-Destiny then very AU

Disclaimers: I do not own these characters.

Spike still absently touched his chest on occasion since he had recorporialized a few weeks prior. He had to prove to himself that he was really whole again. He had spent his first night partying with Charlie Boy, who had graciously accepted his invitation to celebrate with him. The two had developed a budding friendship. Spike was happy he had been able to finally give Fred the hug she deserved for never giving up on him. Despite the constant jabs at his fellow Englishman, Spike and Wesley were developing a certain rapport with each other as well. Lorne and Spike? The two easily bonded over music and Hollywood gossip. For the first time, Spike felt like he could belong somewhere; like he was really part of a team.

Despite this, his heart was often heavy. After his victory over Angel, the dark vampire had kept his distance from his Grandchilde. Spike hoped that the two souled vampires could start anew. Unfortunately, years of rivalry and jealousy tarnished any possibility of this. Spike was willing to try; but every signal Angel emitted showed his disdain for the blond vampire. The two simply fell into old patterns as they attempted to work together.

_A Monday Morning: Wolfram and Hart Offices_

"What are you doing in my office, Spike?" Angel roared at Spike as he flew into his office obviously in a bad mood. Spike jumped up from the couch; he wanted to cover the fact that he had slept there during the weekend.

"Nothing, you stupid ponce. Just annoying you as usual." Spike smirked. "So, what's on the agenda today for the corporate puppet? Planning any audits? Trying to figure out what Mutual Fund works best for you?" He chuckled to himself when he saw the grimace on Angel's face.

"Why do you care, Spike?" Angel glared back. "In fact, why are you even here? You've got your body back. Why don't you get the hell out of here?"

For a moment Spike's grin fell from his face as his eyes widened with anger at Angel's words. Before he had a chance to respond, Wesley walked in.

"Good morning, Angel." The Ex-Watcher nodded at Spike as well. "I'm afraid there is a problem. It seems that some runaway teens are disappearing in this section of Los Angeles." He pointed to a small grid on a map he placed on Angel's desk. "No bodies are surfacing."

Spike walked closer to Angel and Wesley. "Vampires? The blond asked as he placed his hands on his hips.

"Perhaps." Wesley replied. "I do believe we should investigate."

"I agree, Wes." Angel said as he sat down.

"Good." He added. "You and Spike could look into this tonight as I continue to search for other clues to the whereabouts of these children." Wesley said as he walked towards the door.

Angel stood and scowled as he saw Spike smirk. "I guess it's you and me again, Pops. 'S like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid...Donny and Marie...BJ and the B..."

"Whatever, Spike. Get out of my office. Be back at sundown." Angel grabbed hold of Spike and led him to the door. He shoved the smaller vampire out and slammed the door behind him.

"Hey!" Spike yelled to the retreating figure behind the glass. "Stupid, fuckin' pillock!" Spike straightened his collar. He sighed as he bowed his head for a moment and then went toward the lab to visit Fred.

* * *

At sundown, Spike sauntered into Angel's office. He found his Grandsire watching his big screen TV. 

Without taking his eyes off of the hockey game, Angel said, "You're late."

"I was in accounting playing poker." Spike responded as he fished a cigarette from his duster and lit it.

"Whatever, let's get going. I have things to do." The dark vampire scowled at Spike as he placed his coat on and headed for the elevator.

The two walked silently down to the garage and Spike followed as Angel walked towards the Viper. "So predictable." Spike chuckled as he mumbled. Angel chose to ignore the comment as he turned the key and the engine roared to life.

As the two rode to their destination in an uncomfortable silence, Spike slowly turned his head slightly towards Angel. After all these years, Spike still had to admit to himself how attractive his Grandsire truly was. He resembled a Greek god, so strong and regal appearing.

Spike's thoughts drifted to the twenty years he spent with his family prior to Angelus' curse. The blond vampire worshiped Angelus. He was truly his mentor; his Yoda. Drusilla turned him; but Spike secretly looked upon the dark vampire as his true Sire. Everything Spike did was in an attempt to impress Angelus. He changed from William to the Spike persona in order to gain attention. And it worked. Angelus doted on the blue eyed boy with a penchant for hurting people by driving railroad spikes through his victims' heads. Spike reveled in the attention paid to him. The two hunted together, tortured together, and bedded their women together. During this time, Spike harbored deeper feelings for Angelus. The blond vampire yearned to be touched as Angelus touched Darla or Drusilla. Spike kept his feelings a secret. His desires were clearly not reciprocated as Angelus became more cruel throughout the years. Spike would purposefully incite Angelus' rage to receive any sort of attention: positive or negative.

Spike closed his eyes as he shuddered at the realization of how twisted his actions were. After his resurrection, the thought of starting over in LA was not too appealing. But, he was tied to the city of Angels. Perhaps he and Angel could forge a new friendship now that they were the only two vampires with souls in existence. History, though, tends to repeat itself. The past always comes into play. They each continued to harbor their resentments against the other: Sunnydale, Buffy, and the Gem of Amarra to name a few. So, they bickered and verbally sparred until it all came to the forefront in the fight over the Cup of Perpetual Torment. Hateful, hurtful words were exchanged during the Battle that saw Spike as the victor. Spike was possessed with the need to show Angel that he mattered. That is why he fought so hard. He wanted to earn Angels' respect. He convinced himself that was all he wanted from Angel.

The dark vampire felt Spike's stare as he navigated down the streets. He turned to him. "What?" Angel asked in the annoyed voice that was reserved only for Spike.

"Um. Nothing." Spike eyes dropped to his lap as he slowly turned away.

Angel, for a moment, wanted to ask Spike what was wrong. He had noticed such sadness in Spike's eyes. Something held Angel back. There were times that he wanted to stop the fighting between the two; but he did not know how. No one in his life or unlife had ever been able to affect him like his Grandchilde. This fact had always upset the dark vampire.

As Angelus, he found it disconcerting that he cared for the blue eyed former poet. William was the perfect companion to fight and hunt with. Angelus wanted to further his relationship with Spike, but he had never been with another man before. Despite the fact that they were soulless demons, they adhered to some of the supposed morals of the Victorian times. And more importantly, he did not dare incur the wrath of Darla. Many a night, Darla beat Angelus for spending too much time with the blond vampire. Darla detested the attention her Childe paid to 'Drusilla's pathetic poet fledge'. Her constant berating led Angelus to unleash his frustrations upon Spike. Emotions and caring portrayed weakness to Angelus. And he would have none of it.

Angel sighed as he pulled his car off the road as they reached their destination. Each vampire padded their pockets for a weapons check as they walked towards the seemingly abandoned building.

The scent of human blood flooded their noses as soon as they stepped into the building. Angel motioned Spike to go to the left and he went in the opposite direction. Spike slowly reached into his pocket to procure a stake as he shifted into gameface. Suddenly from all directions, Angel and Spike were attacked by at least fifteen vampires. They worked in concert to easily dust the majority of the vamps. Most of them were young fledges whom did not realize they were fighting two Master vampires.

Spike roared as he dusted the last one in his area. As the dust settled on his clothing, he turned to watch Angel easily dispatch the last two near him. Suddenly, Spike noted a vampire creeping from behind a pillar sneaking up on Angel. The dark vampire was so intent on his fight that he did not realize there was a threat behind him. The Fledge raised a piece of wood that he picked up from the ground as he stalked towards Angel.

"Angel!" Spike shouted as he began running and flew in the air to land behind him. The stake meant for Angel pierced Spike's arm. "Ahh!" Spike yelled as the wood settled in his right shoulder. "You stupid ponce!" He added as he tore the piece from his appendage. Spike backhanded the vampire easily and proceeded to dust him.

Angel watched the whole display. He turned to Spike. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Spike said panting. "The git tore my fuckin' coat!"

Angel smiled. "You'll live. Come on. Let's have a quick look around and then get out of here." Spike nodded in agreement.

* * *

The two vampires returned to Wolfram and Hart thirty minutes later. Before Angel pulled into the garage, Spike's voice pierced the silence. 

"Look, just let me off here." Spike said quietly as Angel rolled the car to a standstill.

"Why?" Angel asked.

"Gonna go get a drink. 'M a bit wired after that fight." Spike proceeded to open the door and step out.

"Is that all you do is drink?" Angel said with some disdain in his voice.

Spike leaned his head back down into the car. He answered bitterly. "You know me...guess some things never change, 'ey mate?" He was about to close the door when Angel spoke.

"Um, well, look Spike. Thanks for back there." Angel shifted his eyes down for a second as he looked into Spike's blue eyes. "You know...staking that vamp."

Spike raised his eyebrow for a moment. This was new territory: Angel thanking him. "Yeah, well. Didn't want to explain to your crew why their Big Boss was all dusty." Spike slammed the door shut and Angel pulled away. Spike chastised himself briefly. 'Such a big fuckin' mouth you have, Spike. Always gettin' you in trouble.' Spike shook his head and started down the street. After walking about a quarter mile, he decided to turn back and go talk to Angel.

* * *

Angel parked his Viper and glanced at his watch as walked towards the elevator. He did not know what to think of his Grandchilde. One minute they are fighting to the death over a cup; the next, Spike took a stake for him. He noticed the surprised look in Spike's azure eyes when Angel thanked him. Angel almost saw the bright innocence of William portrayed for a moment, then it was replaced immediately with classic Spike. Angel nearly asked Spike where he stayed at night but did not want to give any advantage over to the blond vampire. Spike was probably right; some things just never change. 

Angel removed his jacket as he sauntered into his office. He sighed as he looked at his watch again. His head turned to the door as it opened.

"Angel." The quiet voice said as the figure walked up to him and embraced him.

"Hi, Nina." Angel replied with a half smile and stiffened a bit when Nina proceeded to kiss him.

* * *

As Spike exited the elevator, he had decided to see if Angel wanted to share a drink with him. He was throwing caution to the wind. He resigned to wave a white flag and try to start and maintain a civil conversation with his Grandsire and see where it could lead. Spike smiled as he neared Angel's office but stopped as he saw two figures through the glass window. He saw Angel kissing Nina. His undead heart sank and his shoulders slumped as he witnessed the two in a lover's embrace. Spike watched briefly and then slowly turned away. As he exited the building, he felt a chill in the air. He wrapped his duster more snuggly around himself and walked into the night.

* * *

Angel gently grasped Nina's shoulders and drew her away from him. She grinned brightly as she looked into Angel's eyes. 

"I know I'm early, but I couldn't wait to see you." Nina said as Angel smiled. "Did you have a big fight?" She asked as she gestured towards his facial bruising.

"No bigger than usual." Angel answered as he walked to his desk and began to straighten his papers. "Sorry, I didn't have a chance to finish up."

"No problem." Nina replied happily. "I can wait." Clearly in this position before, Nina proceeded to grab Angel's remote and turned on the TV as she sat on the plush maroon couch.

Angel silently worked for twenty more minutes and attempted to ignore the occasional glance Nina threw his way.

"Come on, baby." Nina whined. "Can't you take care of that stuff in the morning? I don't want to be late to the concert."

Angel looked up briefly. "Maybe you should take your sister."

Nina's eyes narrowed. "What's going on, Angel? You've been acting weird for weeks. I didn't want to say anything. I thought that you were just overworked."

"I am overworked, Nina." He stood as she approached his desk.

"Look, are you having second thoughts...about us?" She asked as her eyes watered. "Is there someone else?"

"No, gods, no, Nina. There isn't anyone else." He decided he needed to be truthful with her. "Look, my life is really complicated right now." He hesitated. "I don't want to hurt you, Nina. But, I don't have time to be in a relationship right now...It's not you."

"So, that's it?" She raised her voice. "You've decided." Angel nodded his head. "When were you planning on telling me?"

"Tonight." There was sadness in Angel's eyes. He did not want to hurt her.

"Great. Just great." Nina shook her head and chuckled bitterly. "Fine, I'll leave." She grabbed her coat and purse and went towards the door.

"Nina, I'm sorry." Angel looked at her. "Please, if you want to still come monthly during your change, the facility is still available to you."

Nina turned to face him. In her heart, she knew the two did not have a future. Even when they were together, he seemed so far away. She half smiled. "Thanks." She paused. "See you around." She waited until the elevator doors closed for the tears to fall.

* * *

"Won't be needin' a glass, mate. I'll pay for the whole bloody bottle." Spike yelled to the bartender through the smoke over the loud music. The blond vampire stopped at the first bar he had passed after leaving Wolfram and Hart. He threw the money on the bar and walked over to a booth in the corner. Spike stared at the bottle of Jack as he plopped down. "Well, ol' friend. How've you been?" He took his first swig and reveled in the burn as the drink slid down his throat. It felt so good just to feel again. 

Spike spent the next hour partaking in three whole bottles. He was truly drunk. "Stupid ponce with his perfect gelled hair." He said as his speech slurred. He wanted to continue drinking so he could forget Angel. Yet, there did not seem to be enough alcohol to dull the ache in his chest. His eyes fluttered as he attempted to stay awake. His head bobbed up and down as he tried to focus on where he was. Suddenly he heard something.

"Well, well, William. Fancy running into you here."

Spike's head jerked toward the voice and his eyes squinted and then widened when he saw who was standing beside him.

"Heard you died." Spike sputtered out.

"I did. But, I guess it didn't last." The voice chuckled.

"Bugger off...don't need no company." Spike raised the bottle to his mouth and took another drink.

"You look like you need someone to talk to."

"Get away from me, you stupid bint."

"Is that anyway to talk to an old friend, William?"

Spike smirked. "Oh, we're old friends now? Funny, didn't get the memo, Cecily."

"Now, William. You know the name's Halfrek."

TBC...


	2. 2

Feedback: Please! It makes me write faster.

Warnings: Language

Chapter 2

Halfrek flipped her hair and sat down opposite Spike. "I heard you died too, William."

"The name's Spike." The blond vampire countered with menace in his voice. He snorted and then added. "Yeah, my death didn' last either." Spike laughed as he hiccuped.

"So, what happened to you?" The brunette asked with genuine interest.

"Ladies first." Spike gestured lazily towards Halfrek.

"Well, after Anyanka died, I guess D'Hoffryn had a change of heart. He brought me back into the fold." She answered in a cheery voice.

Spike sat up a bit. "Anya died?" He bowed and shook his head. "Didn' know. She was a good bird, she was. Bet the Whelp didn' take it too well."

"Despite what you think, I do miss her." The two sat in silence for a time. "What about you, William?"

"Well? Burnt up savin' the soddin' world. Came back in a bloody amulet. Played like Casper for a bit. Now, I'm back. End of story." He took a large swig of whiskey.

"You don't seem too happy." Halfrek added.

"Since when do you give a shit how I am?"

"Anyanka was my friend. And she was very fond of you. So, I do care."

"Piss off, Cec-Halfrek. 'M trying for alcohol poisoning here. Y-you're ruinin' my c-concentration." Spike said as tried to focus on the myriad of empty bottles in front of him.

"Who broke your delicate heart this time, William?" Halfrek asked.

"Wot? Wot do you know of it? Jus' want to get pissed thas' all!" Spike placed his head in his hands.

"Is it the Slayer? Anyanka told me of your love affair with the Chosen One." She chuckled. "Sounded ill-fated to me; but she insisted that Buffy loved you."

Spike looked directly at Halfrek with cold eyes. "She didn' love me. Might have been fond of me, maybe. But, not love. Never love." He whispered the last line. He bowed his head.

"Oh, my poor William. You have always worn your heart on your sleeve." She paused. "If you must know, I felt a bit horrible at what happened between us."

"Yeah, I guess I never thanked you for that, you bitch."

"Now, now. Isn't your life better as a vampire then it was? My life certainly improved when I became a Vengeance Demon."

"Whatever...we done sharin'?" Spike spanned the room for another waitress.

"If not the Slayer, then who?" Halfrek crossed her hands in front of her.

He bowed his head. "Doesn' matter. Won't never happen." Spike answered with such sadness that his eyes watered.

"Come on, Sweetie. Why don't you tell me? It might make you feel better." Halfrek smiled sweetly.

The blond vampire stared at the brunette for some time. "What the hell?" He looked down and decided to say it out loud. Holding his feelings in was killing him. "Me Grandsire."

Halfrek was silent for a moment. "Angelus?" She asked and Spike nodded.

"He never sees the real me, ya know? Doesn' see what's right in front of him. Never has. Only pays attention to blond chits: his bitch of a Sire, Buffy, Dog-Girl. He'll sacrifice and fight for them. Always them. Never me." A tear escaped his eye.

"Do you wish that..." Halfrek started as she fondled the gold and black pendant around her neck.

"I bet he didn' even know that I died until I came back in his bloody office." Spike's voice rose. "Used to have a blood link, but after he got his Soul, the bastard cut it." Spike continued rambling. "I fought for my Soul! And he said I just try to steal his thunder. Didn' matter to him." Spike shook his head in disbelief. "It's never enough." Spike sighed. And half smiled. "Still so pathetic, ey?"

"Why do you want to be with him?" Halfrek asked.

"The heart cannot help whom it loves." Spike said quietly in his native high brow accent; for a moment he seemed totally sober. After some time he added. "Bet it be easier as a chit!" Spike and Halfrek laughed heartily at his joke.

Halfrek leaned towards Spike. "You could wish it." She said seriously.

Spike leaned back and almost fell out of the booth. "Are you nutters? Why the fuck would I want to do that? You're out of your bloody mind!"

"Okay, okay!" Halfrek placed her hands in the air. "It was just a suggestion. Just trying to help."

"And how is me being _sans_ dick supposed to help?" Spike's face was red with anger. His eyes were bright yellow.

"No big, William. No need to go all grrr on me." Halfrek smiled.

"Yeah, well." Spike snorted. "This conversation is over. See ya around, whatever you call yourself now." Spike waved her off and turned his attention back to his bottle.

"You can call me Hallie. Well, William." Halfrek stood up. "Always a pleasure." She slowly walked away.

"Stupid bitch." Spike shook his head and chuckled. "Yeah, I wish I was a chit. Like I'd ever want that. A nightmare, that'd be!" He hiccuped and dropped his head onto the table. He suddenly was very tired.

As Halfrek walked out of the bar, she smiled as her demon visage came to the fore. She whispered in a deep voice, "Wish granted."

TBC...


	3. 3

AN: Thanks for the feedback. Please continue. Extra long chapter ahead.

Pairings: A/S (of course); F/W

Warning: transgender for part of this fic (i.e. Female!Spike); language

Chapter 3

Spike stumbled away from the bar after practically passing out at the table. His eyes were blurry as he attempted to get his bearings. He doubted he could get back to Wolfram and Hart before dawn. He turned his head and saw a small motel called The Regal and entered. He unsteadily walked up to the front desk.

A small, bald portly man leaned back as the scent of Spike wafted towards his nose. "May I help you, sir?"

"How much for a single?" Spike slurred as he swayed a bit.

"Seventy-nine dollars." The man forced a smile upon his face.

"Fine. Here you go." Spike unceremoniously dropped some money on the desk. "Keep the change."

"Well, here you go. Room 102. First floor."

"Which way?" Spike turned in all directions.

"To your left." He handed the key to Spike. "Why don't I show you?" He came from behind his perch and started down the dark hall. After a short time, they reached their destination. "Here you go." He said as he opened the room for Spike and handed the key back to the inebriated vampire.

"Check out is noon." With that, he departed.

Spike immediately closed the curtains and then fell onto the bed and passed out.

* * *

'Oooooooh. My bloody head.' Spike thought as he awoke the next day. He was lying face first on a bed still in his clothes and his duster. His mind was immediately confused as he attempted to get his bearings. 'Where am I' he thought again as he struggled to sit up. He barely made it as he felt the entire room spinning. He slowly opened his eyes as the dizziness passed. He began scratching his stomach and his hand traveled down to scratch his crotch. He was stunned when he didn't feel his morning erection. 

"Oh gods!" Spike screamed as he looked down at his body. He noticed breasts and suddenly long dirty blond hair fell in his face. "Shit...what's goin' on!" Her petite hand flew to her throat as she continued panicking. "My voice...oh gods!" Spike started hyperventilating as she started pacing around the room. "How...w-what...last night...okay got pissin' drunk..." She started replaying in her mind her time in the bar. "Talked to someone...Cecily...Halfrek...OH MY GOD!" Spike screamed as she stopped pacing. "That bitch!" She yelled as she picked up a small vase on the nightstand and threw it against the wall. "B-but...I didn't wish...did I...just a joke...how could she do this?" For a moment, Spike's eyes watered but then the anger returned. "When I find her, I'll suck her bloody eyeballs out through a straw, I'll break her fuckin' neck...I'll..." She started hyperventilating again as her eyes slowly surveyed her new body. She had small breasts and her hips were a bit wider than before. She was extremely petite and very toned. Spike's trademark tight black t-shirt and even tighter black jeans were now swimming in her thin form. Her hair was dirty blond, wavy and just passed her shoulders.

"Calm down, Spike." She said to herself as she looked up. "Relax...think..." Spike started pacing again. "Oh!" The high pitched voice exclaimed as she pushed back the sleeve of her jacket and dug into her duster pocket. She checked the time on her cell and dialed quickly.

After two rings a voice on the other line answered. "Wolfram and Hart Science Department. How may I direct your call?"

She cleared her throat. "Winifred Burkle, please." She attempted to sound official.

"One moment, please." There was silence.

Spike whispered, "Please be there, Fred. Please." Spike's hand began to shake.

"This is Fred."

Spike closed her eyes briefly as she let out a sigh of relief. "Fred?"

"May I ask who this is?"

"Fred. Listen to me. This is Spike." The blond vampire paused. 'Please believe me.' She thought.

"Is this some sort of joke?" Fred answered.

"Please don't hang up, pet. I'm beggin' you! Somethings happened to me and I need your help." Spike clutched the phone tightly as she awaited an answer.

Fred chuckled. "Is this a prank? Did Spike put you up to this?"

"Fred, no. It's not a joke. It is me. Spike. I know my voice sounds different."

"Prove it."

Spike looked up for a moment and then spoke. "You were the only one to really help me when I was a ghostie. Remember, I pushed Pavayne into a big circle so he wouldn't kill you?" She closed her eyes as she heard silence on the other line.

"Oh my gosh...Spike? What happened?"

"Can you come pick me up, pet?"

"Sure. Where are you?"

Spike glanced at the stationary on the end table. "The Regal. 22 State Street. I'll wait for you in the lobby. I owe you one, Science Girl!"

"No problem. Sit tight. I'll be there soon. Bye."

"Bye, luv." Spike hit the end button on her cell and sighed in relief.

* * *

Spike stood from the lobby sofa when she saw Fred running through the door holding a black blanket. 

"Oh my gosh, Spike!" Fred said as she rushed up to the blond and gave her a hug. "Wow. You're a...well..." Fred stood back in some shock.

"I know, luv. You can say it. I'm a bleedin' chit." Spike said with a strain in her voice.

Fred stepped closer to the blond vampire and touched her hair and looked her over. "Well, you're pretty!" Fred giggled.

"Quit it!" Spike scowled as she looked around. "Can we get out of here? That bloke over there," Spike pointed to the corner, "has been starin' at me for 10 minutes." She graciously took the blanket offered to her and placed it over her head. Fred ventured outside prior to Spike and then opened the door to the awaiting limo. Spike hurriedly ran into the car.

"Thanks for the blanket, pet." Spike smiled as they settled into their seats.

Suddenly the divider in front of them was lowered. A voice said, "Where to Ms. Burkle?"

"Back to the offices, Bradley."

"NO!" Spike shouted.

"Why, Spike?"

She shook her head and looked scared. "Don't want anyone to see me like this yet. Please?" Her eyes pleaded with her friend.

"Okay." Fred answered with concern in her voice. "Please go to my apartment, Bradley." She paused. "Now, why don't you tell me what happened." Fred smiled warmly as she turned her attention back to Spike.

* * *

As the two walked into Fred's apartment, the slim brunette pleaded with Spike. "We really should go back to Wolfram and Hart and try to help you Spike." She said as she threw her purse onto her sofa. 

"I know what's happened to me, pet. I just have to figure out a way to reverse it, s'all." Spike tone was exhausted as she plopped down on a chair.

"What will I tell the others?"

"Nothin'." She watched Fred open her mouth to respond. Spike pushed her long hair away. "I mean it. Everyone is so caught up in their departments that it'll take a while to notice. Hell, Angel'll probably not notice." She said with some sadness in her voice.

"Now, that's not true, Spike." Fred said sympathetically.

"You're a bloody pathetic liar." Spike managed to smile.

Fred returned her smile and stood up and gestured to Spike to follow her. She quickly showed the blond vampiress the layout of her spacious apartment. "And finally, here's the bathroom. Feel free to shower..." She paused. "No offense, but you smell like a distillery."

"Yeah, appreciate that, luv!" Spike pouted but then chuckled at her friend.

"I'm going back to the office. I'll bring you some blood when I come back. You can use any of my clothes, if you'd like." Fred suddenly giggled. Spike raised her still scarred eyebrow. "You get to go shopping!" She paused. "Too bad Cordy isn't with us anymore." Her voice saddened. "She would have been the perfect person to take you shopping for a new wardrobe. "

Spike smiled. She knew how important Cordelia was to them here in LA. "We'll manage, okay Fred? Probably won't need many things since I'll turn back real soon."

"Yeah. Anyway, I better go. If you need anything, call me. See you later!" Fred waved as she left the apartment.

Spike stood in the middle of the apartment and looked around her. She smelled the air. "Yep. Shower it is." She said to herself as she walked slowly to the bathroom.

* * *

Angel's office door was thrown open and Fred scurried in. "Sorry I'm late!" She said while panting as she took her seat at the conference room table with her colleagues. She wiped her brow of sweat. 

"Are you alright, Fred?" Wesley asked.

"I'm fine." She answered as she smiled at her boyfriend. "I had to run back to my apartment and I lost track of time." She turned to the others.

Angel stood from his chair and held up his agenda for the day's meeting. "Okay, everyone's here. If we're ready..."

"Wait." Gunn interrupted. "Where's Blondie?"

Lorne added. "I haven't seen him roaming the halls today." The Green Demon turned to Fred. "Have you seen him, Freddles?"

"No." She said as she lowered her head.

Angel scowled. "We don't need him to have our meeting. Alright? Let's continue."

* * *

Later that afternoon, Fred sat in her office in the Science Department. She glanced at her watch. She was meeting Harmony in twenty minutes to obtain blood for Spike. She told Angel's secretary that she needed the blood for experiments in her lab. Her phone suddenly rang. 

"Hello?"

"Fred?" The high pitched voice said.

"How are you, Spike?"

"Peachy. Look, can you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"You think you could borrow one of Percy's book? You know the one that can be any book?"

"I don't know, Spike. What would I tell him?"

"Come on, pet. Jus' use your feminine charms on the ol' boy. You're shaggin' him after all."

"Spike!" Fred exclaimed.

"Come on, Fred. He's so pussy whipped over you, he'll do whatever you ask."

"You have such a mouth, Spike."

"I know, pet. So, can ya?"

"I'll do what I can."

"Ta! See ya later."

"Alright." Fred shook her head and laughed as she placed the phone back down on the receiver. She decided to go visit Wesley.

"Come in." Wesley said in response to the knock on his office door.

"You busy?" Fred asked as she sauntered in.

"I am never too busy for you." Wesley answered with a large grin on his face. He stood up and walked over to his love and gathered her in his arms and kissed her deeply.

"Wow." Fred said as she attempted to catch her breath. "What was that for?" She said with a large smile on her face.

"No reason. I just love seeing you." He kissed her nose then walked back to his desk. "Are you finishing up for the day?"

"Yep, but I've got tons of work to do at home." She said as she sat on his couch.

"Anything I can help with?" Wesley asked as he straightened up his papers.

"I don't think so. It's all about quantum physics, properties and such."

"Yes, a bit out of my area of expertise." The Englishman admitted.

"W-what would help is if I could take one of the codex books home. Y-you know, so I don't need to lug my heavy science books home with me." She looked away for a moment as she lied. She knew she was never too convincing.

"Of course, Darling. Whatever you need." He walked around his desk and handed her the book as she stood.

"You're the best boyfriend ever!" Fred said as she kissed his cheek.

"I aim to please." Wesley answered.

"I'll call you later tonight. Okay?"

"Of course." Wesley nodded as she walked out the door.

Fred paused for a second as she brought the book to her chest and said quietly. "You better appreciate this, Spike!"

* * *

Harmony placed a few pints of animal blood on the counter in Fred's lab. 

"Thanks, Harmony."

"No problem, Fred. See you tomorrow." The ditsy blond vampiress answered as she proceeded to walk out of the lab.

"Hi, Bossy!" She exclaimed cheerfully as she passed Angel who was on his way to talk to Fred.

Angel walked up to Fred. "Hey, I wanted to talk to you about those taser guns you're developing."

Fred seemed distracted, especially when Angel eyed the blood on the counter.

"Um, what?" She said.

"You okay, Fred?"

"Fine, Angel. A-About those guns. I need a little more time for analysis." She said nervously.

"Sure. Take your time." The dark vampire placed his hands in his pockets and eyed her suspiciously for a moment. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Uh-uh. Tomorrow." She let out a big sigh of relief as she watched Angel go. She just wanted to get back to her apartment.

* * *

Fred and Spike sat at the the kitchen table. 

"Thanks for bringing the blood and the book." The blond vampire said with a smile.

"No problem; although I'm not a very good liar." She said as she sighed.

"I'll teach ya." Spike smirked as she shook her eyebrows. Fred laughed. "I think I know what I need to do to get this nightmare reversed. I'll do it the morning. So, don't worry that pretty little head off, pet. I won't make you lie for me for too long."

"Good. Because they asked where you were at the meeting." She said as she sipped her tea.

"Who they?"

"Gunn, Lorne, Wes."

"Ah." She said quietly trying to hide her disappointment that Angel did not notice her absence.

"Well, 'M a bit knackered." Spike said as she stood. "I really appreciate everything, Fred. Really."

"I know, Spike." She smiled back. "Hey, I'm glad my clothes fit you." She said as she noted the pair of sweats Spike wore.

"Yeah, good thing you 'ad black. No way am I wearin' bloody pastels!" Spike chuckled as she waved goodnight to Fred and went to the guest room.

* * *

Spike waited until Fred left the next morning before using the book. She took a big breath. She changed back into her clothes and placed the book on the coffee table. She held the musty text close to her mouth and said, "Halfrek, Vengeance Demon." She slowly opened the text and watched the words appear on the page. She read for some time and then decided she was ready. 

In her high pitched voice she began. "_Halfrek, I beseech thee. In the name of all people scorned, come before me."_ At first nothing happened and then suddenly Halfrek appeared.

"William! How are you?" She asked cheerily.

"Are you kiddin'? How do you think I am?" Spike's blue turned icy. "I never wished this! Turn me back!"

"Now, William. You did wish it. I heard you clearly." She smiled.

"That was sarcasm. Didn't you hear what I said after?" Spike's eyes watered.

Halfrek walked around the room surveying the apartment. "Alas, the words were said."

"But how is it vengeance? The only person hurt is me?"

Halfrek stopped by the hallway mirror to primp her hair. "This could be a good thing for you. See what can happen. It might be quite freeing."

"You said Anya was fond of me. She wouldn't want this. She'd tell you to change me back."

"You can't expect me to change the rules, Spike. In order for that to happen, I would have to take vengeance upon someone else. Would you want that?"

Spike wanted to answer yes; but her soul could not agree to it. "Damn, Soul." She muttered to herself.

"Try it on for awhile, William. You never know. You might like it. "

"I doubt that." Spike answered dejectedly as she sat on the couch.

"Toodles!" Halfrek said as she waved her arms in the air and disappeared.

* * *

The Fang Gang congregated outside Angel's office after the morning meeting. 

Lorne said, "Any sign of Spike, guys?"

Everyone shook their heads. Angel exited his office. Wesley stopped him. "Angel, have you seen Spike this morning?"

Angel looked at them. "You mean he hasn't shown up yet?" The dark vampire actually sounded concerned.

"When did you last see him?" Gunn asked.

Angel scratched his chin. "After we took care of the vamp nest two nights ago, I dropped him off in front of the building and he went to a bar."

"Perhaps, we should send out a search party." Wesley added.

Fred started to panic. "I'm sure Spike is fine, guys. Maybe he needed a bit of a break?" She said weakly.

As the men discussed how best to use the resources of Wolfram and Hart to find Spike, Harmony walked up to the group. "Hey guys. Fred, did you need anymore blood? I wasn't sure if I gave you enough yesterday. What did you need it for, anyway?"

Fred's face turned red as all eyes turned upon her.

"What's going on, Fred?" Angel asked.

"Alright! Alright! Spike's not missing. He's at my apartment. He needed my help and he doesn't want to come to the office." She said as she walked back into Angel's office followed by the men.

* * *

"What do you mean a woman?" Gunn said as he attempted to repress a smile. 

"Charles, don't laugh." Fred implored.

"Let me get this straight Fredikins. Our delectable male blond vampire is now a delectable female blond vampire? Oh," Lorne rubbed his hands together, "this premise would make a great TV pilot." All eyes fell upon the Green Demon. "Sorry. Go on, Pumpkin."

"Spike's really mad and I think a little scared; although he-she would never admit it."

"Is that why you borrowed the codex book?" Wesley asked her.

Fred nodded. "She said she could use the book to find a reversal." The room fell silent for a time.

"So," Gunn interjected, "Is she hot?" He smiled as he started laughing. The whole group with the exception of Angel joined in.

"Charles." Fred tried to scowl at the lawyer but soon giggled. "Okay, she's really pretty. I mean her blue eyes are even more colorful than before, her cheekbones are more defined but her face is softer. And she's really petite...kind of my size. And her hair is long and wavy...still blond but not bleached looking. And don't tell Spike I told you any of that."

Finally Angel spoke. "This is unbelievable. How could a demon turn Spike into a girl? It seems too far fetched."

"As far fetched as you becoming a puppet, Angel?" Fred asked.

"Point taken." Angel paused. "Where is he...she?"

"At my apartment."

"Good. I'll go get Spike."

Fred stood and walked over to Angel's desk. "She'll never come, Angel. She didn't want anyone to see her."

"Well, we'd help her better if she was here. I'll talk to him."

"Her." Gunn said as he chuckled.

"I'll see you guys later." Angel said as he went towards the elevator.

* * *

Spike had not moved since Halfrek left. She sat lost, not knowing what else to do. Her head turned as she heard a knock on the door. She sighed as she forced herself to stand. "Did ya forget your keys, luv?" Spike said as she opened the door and her mouth dropped open as she saw her Grandsire standing in the doorway. 

"What do you want?" Spike practically yelled as she turned from the door and walked back into the apartment.

Angel stood at the threshold, not because he needed an invitation, but he was so shocked by Spike's appearance.

"Take a picture. It'll last longer, Peaches." Spike said as she crossed her arms.

"Um. Sorry, Spike." Angel said as he came towards the blond vampire.

"I see Fred spilled the beans." Spike said as she looked down. For some reason she could not look Angel in the eye. "Go ahead. Have a good laugh at ol' Spike. Tell me how much of a fuckwit I am and all that rot." She turned her head away.

"How did this happen?" Angel asked as she saw Spike sit on the couch.

"Doesn't matter." Spike said sadly. "What do you want?" She tried to muster some anger in her voice. Unfortunately, she felt exhausted.

"You should come back to Wolfram and Hart. Everyone is worried about you."

"Right." Spike snorted. "Like you give a shit."

Angel ignored Spike's tirades. "You don't want to disappoint Fred, do you? And besides, if you want to feed, the blood is back at the office."

Spike sighed and stood up. She mumbled, "Bloody bastard," as she followed Angel to his car.

* * *

As they walked towards Angel's office, Spike's nerves began to increase. She could sense her friends were in there and she did not want to confront them. 

She decided to put on her Big Bad persona. As she walked in, she stared at her friends immediately. All eyes were fixed on her now female form. "Right, Gents. Gawk all ya like. Come on. Get it over with."

"Wow, Spike." Gunn chuckled a bit.

"Great, Charlie Boy. Finished?" Spike frowned.

"Well, at least you're not an ugly chick." Gunn continued.

"Gee, thanks. That's so comforting."

"Well, at least you still have that wonderful positive attitude." Lorne added with a smile.

"Fag off, Green Jeans."

Wesley interjected. "It will simply take us some time to adjust to seeing you like this, Spike."

"Try adjusting to waking up without your dick, Percy." Spike glared and then took an unneeded breath. "Look, I just want everyone to get their ha-ha's out, alright?"

"What happened, Spike?" Angel asked.

Spike rolled her eyes and relayed the story to the whole group. After finishing, Wesley asked. "And you tried to have this Halfrek reverse it?"

Spike nodded. "Can't be done that way. Someone would have to be cursed or whatever to reverse it. And I can't risk that." Spike's eyes were sad. Angel watched her very closely.

"Look, I have a headache. Can we talk about this later? I'll figure somethin' out." Spike tried to smile.

"Why doesn't everyone get back to work, okay?" Angel said. The group left the office. Only Angel and Spike were left. The dark vampire walked over to couch that Spike was on. She sat hunched over with her head in her hands.

"Look, Spike. We'll all help. I'll help. You won't be alone in this." Angel sat next to Spike.

Her head shot up and then abruptly stood. "You can stop with the fake sympathy, Angel. Your pets aren't here to see."

"What? What are you talking about, Spike?" Angel walked over to Spike. Traditionally, there was at least one head difference in their heights, but now Angel towered over her. "Why do you always have to be so difficult? You are such a brat!" Angel yelled. "I just told you I was going to help you. Gods, you are so ungrateful!"

"UNGRATEFUL!" Spike was seething. "Am I supposed to kiss your fuckin' feet because the Great Angelus has decided to help lil' ol' me? You are so self centered!" She took a large breath. "I'm supposed to be grateful that, for once, you have decided to help me?" Her blue eyes watered.

"For once?" Angel asked confused.

"I didn't see you givin' a shit about me when I was all ghost-like, did I? As I recall, you told Fred it was a waste of time!" She stared directly at her Grandsire and this time, it was Angel who looked away.

"And in Sunnydale? Did you help me when I was butchered by the Inititative and sat in the Watcher's home starvin' at Thanksgiving? You were there to help Precious Buffy, but not me. I was chained in a BATHTUB for weeks, SIRE! Did you know that?"

Angel's chocolate brown eyes were filled with sadness. "Spike, I..."

"I sat in a wheelchair, crippled. You did nothing to help me get better. You ridiculed me, tortured me, and stole Dru from me. Remember?" Spike's eyes turned cold. "I've survived one hundred years without your help! So don't pretend that all of a sudden you care!" Spike was losing her grip. As if the weight of the last five or six years finally caught with Spike, suddenly she could not help it. The tears began to fall as she sat on the couch sobbing.

Through the tears, she said, "'M such an unlucky bloke. I didn't ask for this." She whispered as she wiped the tears from her face. "'M so tired."

"I know, Spike." Angel answered quietly. He was not sure what to say to his distraught Grandchilde. He felt shame and guilt as he looked upon Spike. The blond vampire had endured many things since they parted one hundred years ago. But, he knew the blond vampire was strong. If anyone could adapt, it was Spike. Angel vowed to help her, even if she pushed him away. He had a lot to make up for. He did not feel this only because of guilt; he wanted to change their volatile relationship. He hoped this was possible. Yet, he knew it would be a long road.

"Spike?" Angel quietly spoke. He was mesmerized when she turned her head towards him. He bright blue eyes stared at him.

Angel hesitated. "Why don't you lay down upstairs. I have a guest bedroom. And I can heat up some blood."

Spike must have been exhausted because she nodded her head and didn't fight him. The two silently walked to the elevator. They stood on opposite sides of the elevator as they rode up to Angel's penthouse. When they arrived, Angel directed Spike towards the guest room. Spike stood at the doorway for a moment. Then she strode towards the king size bed. She looked small, dwarfed by her now too large clothes as she let her duster fall to the floor. She turned down the bed and buried herself under the covers. Her back faced the doorway, and she sighed as she fell asleep. Angel stood watching. He shut the light and slowly closed the door.

TBC...


	4. 4

AN: I appreciate the feedback...more would be great!

Warning: language; Female!Spike

Chapter 4

Spike slowly awoke the next morning. She lay in the large bed, staring at the ceiling, surrounded by a large white fluffy down comforter. She contemplated whether or not to even leave the confines of Angel's guest bedroom. Unfortunately her growling stomach easily made the decision for her. She sighed as she forced herself to walk to the kitchen. She frowned when she noticed Angel sitting at the table reading the paper.

Angel slowly looked up. He nearly smiled as he noted the bed hair of his now female Grandchilde. "I just warmed this up, Spike." Angel said as he handed a mug of blood over to her.

Spike nodded her head as she sat down on the opposite end and began sipping the contents.

Angel felt the awkward silence. "Well, look. Spike. I thought I could send my personal shopper up later to take some measurements so he can choose you some properly fitting clothes for you." Angel tried to smile.

Spike took another sip of her blood before turning her cold eyes towards him. "Gee, will the corporate perks never end?"

Angel stood and walked to the counter. "Fine. If you want to walk around looking like you're playing dress up in someone else's clothes be my guest." Angel looked intently at Spike awaiting an answer. She simply scowled and looked down at her mug. "That's what I thought. I'll send him up at noon. After that, I guess I'll see you later in the office."

Spike mumbled something under her breath.

"What did you say?" Even Angel's enhanced vampire hearing strained to hear what Spike said.

Spike looked annoyed. "I said...'M not going down to the office!"

"Why not?"

"Jus' not, thas' all." Spike pouted and marched back to her room and slammed the door shut.

Angel chuckled and then shook his head. He went towards the elevator and went down to his office.

* * *

Spike sat on the couch watching the big screen TV. She realized there was a perk to staying in Angel's place: 300 channels in Hi-Definition and Tivo. 

The blond vampire was enjoying a great action movie when suddenly she heard a knock on the door. "Who the fuck is there?" Spike mumbled quietly as she walked towards the noise. "Yeah?" Spike said as she opened the door. There was a tall, older gentleman holding a leather bag.

"Ms. Spike, I presume?" The gentleman asked. "I am Porter. Mr. Angel's personal shopper. I was told to be here at noon to assist a young woman with a new wardrobe." He paused as he noted the disheveled hair and loose, slightly dirty clothes of Spike. "I presume that is you."

"Whatever." Spike answered as she stepped aside and allowed Porter to enter.

"Where would you like me to take your measurements, ma'am?"

"Ma'am? The name's Spike. Only Spike. Not Ms. Okay, Peter?" The blond vampire frowned.

"Porter."

"Whatever." Spike gestured to the TV area.

Porter placed his bag on the coffee table and brought out a measuring tape. "Okay. Let's get started." He said as he placed his glasses on.

"Yeah and make it quick."

"Yes, ma'...I mean Spike." Porter felt nervous as Spike eyed him but nevertheless worked quickly. He wrote down her measurements and then sat on the couch. After a few minutes, he looked up. "Well, I see I need to obtain clothes in sizes 2 to 4. Do you need undergarments?" Spike raised her eyebrows. "Bras, panties?"

"Panties?" Spike's head dropped to her hands and she shook her head. 'This is not happening.' Spike thought to herself.

"Yes, well. I will get you some. For clothes, what colors do you prefer? Pinks, greens, purples?"

"Oi! No freakin' colors. Get black, black, and more black. Got it?" Spike squinted her clear blue eyes as she pushed her long hair away form her face. "And another thing. No skirts, dresses, or any other of that frilly chick shit, alright?"

"Sure. Um." He said hesitantly. "Do you enjoy leather?" He relaxed a bit when Spike smiled. "Lots. Of. Leather." He said as he wrote down on his pad and paper. He leaned forward and brought a shoe measure out of his bag and placed it on the floor. He gestured for Spike to place a foot in the contraption. He noted the size and cleared his throat. "Well, I do believe I am finished here. I will send a deliveryman here later with some items." He gathered his things and walked towards the door. "If you have any needs, Mr. Angel can contact me. " He forced a smile and left.

"Stupid ponce!" Spike said after closing the door.

* * *

Later that evening, Angel returned to the penthouse and found Spike sprawled out on the couch watching the television. 

"Must say mate, your telly is great!" She said enthusiastically as Angel walked into the room.

"I don't use it much." Angel responded as he slipped his jacket off and threw it on the smaller chair. "Have you fed yet?" He asked.

"Nope." Spike said without taking her eyes off the TV. "Could you bring me some?" She turned and smiled innocently at Angel and then returned her attention to her program.

From the kitchen, Angel said, "Did you have to be so hard on Porter, Spike? He came down to my office pretty flustered after meeting with you." He heard Spike chuckle from the other room. He returned to the sitting room with two mugs, handed one to Spike, and sat on the opposite couch. "Did they deliver the clothes?" Spike nodded and kept watching TV, completely ignoring her Grandsire.

Suddenly, the TV was turned off. "Hey!" Spike yelled. "I was watchin' that you berk!"

"I was trying to have a conversation here, Spike." Angel said with a look of annoyance on his face.

"'M sorry, didn't realize we were friends now." Spike replied sarcastically as she rolled her eyes; she proceeded to sit up and stare at Angel. "Well, since you've decided we're best buds, what do you want to talk about, Master?" She smirked.

Angel sat silent. "Uh! Forget it!" He said as he stormed out of the room.

"'S what I thought, poofter." Spike wanted to pat herself on the back for that little victory. She grabbed the remote and continued to watch her program.

* * *

"Angel, you have to do something!" Fred said to the group as they sat in their afternoon meeting. It had been one week, and Spike still had not emerged from the penthouse. 

"I can't force her to come out!" Angel responded as he threw his hands in the air.

"How hard have you tried?" Fred asked with accusing eyes as she placed her hands on her hips.

"When did I become the bad guy?" Angel asked in an exasperated tone.

Lorne spoke up. "Freddles, why don't you and I go have a chat with Blondie Bear? Maybe we could convince her to come down." He smiled.

"Sure, let's go." The two walked over to the elevator.

"Hold up, guys." Angel started after them. "Take my key. She may not open the door for you."

* * *

"Spike?" Fred asked as she opened the door to the penthouse. 

"Blondie Bear?" Lorne followed behind her.

"What do you want?" Spike said from her spot on the couch. She was not in the mood for visitors.

"We wanted to talk to you, Spike." Fred began as the two found seats. "We're concerned about you. No one's going to laugh at you, if that's what you're worried about."

"Yeah, O' Blond One." Lorne added. "I know you're still upset, but you really should come out of the penthouse. Things could be a lot worse." He continued talking quickly before Spike had a chance to respond. "I had a friend who was cursed and had a bunch of disgusting pussy boils all over his body." Lorne leaned back as he saw Spike scowl. "Look, I know it's not easy waking up like this, but one thing is for sure. You're ABSOLUTELY gorgeous, honey! I bet I could put you to work in the modeling division." He paused. "Um, do vampires show up on film?"

"Lorne!" Fred frowned at the Green Demon. "What he-we are saying Spike is that we'll help turn you back, but you need to come out." Spike lowered her head.

"Hey, I have an idea!" Lorne interjected. "Why don't we go out? A friend of mine just opened a mixed demon/human restaurant. I bet you could get some great O-neg there!" Lorne grinned. "We should go. We'll turn that frown upside down, baby!"

"If you tell me when life hands you a lemon, you make lemonade, I will rip your throat out." Spike responded.

"Come on, Spike." Fred pleaded. "You need some fresh air." She stood. "I'll help you get ready." She looked at the state Spike was in. "Um, do you have any clothes? And maybe you might want to shower so we can tame that hair. " She chuckled lightly.

"Fine, Science Girl; Green Jeans." The blond vampire sighed. "Do what you want. 'M not gonna fight you." She stood dejectedly as Fred lead her to the bathroom.

TBC...


	5. 5

Warning: Language; Female!Spike

AN: I appreciate the feedback...please continue...

Chapter 5

Lorne went down to the offices while he was waiting for Fred to help Spike get ready. He walked back into Angel's office where he found Angel, Gunn, and Wesley discussing a case.

Gunn looked up. "How'd it go?"

"Grand success, mi amigos! We convinced Spike to let us take her out. We'll have drinks and a little food; hence, we can cheer up our little depressed cream puff." He smiled widely. "Everyone in?"

"Sure, man." Gunn replied. "I could use a drink after preparing these briefs all day."

"Is Fred going?" Wesley asked without lifting his head out of his book.

"Of course." Lorne responded.

"Well, then, I will accompany the group."

"That leaves our fearless leader. What do you say, Big Guy?" Lorne turned to Angel and smiled.

"No." Angel curtly replied.

"Oh Broody One, it would be good to go out and socialize once in a while." Lorne practically pouted. "We work very hard, everyday, straddling that ever expanding ethical line and it gets stressful."

Angel looked up at the group and started feeling a little guilty. He sighed and relented. "Fine. When are we leaving?"

"Right now." Fred said as she walked in the office with a scowling Spike.

Angel's jaw nearly dropped as he saw her. Her long, wavy hair hung neatly over her shoulders. She wore a tight fitting black cotton t-shirt and form fitting black leather pants that hung low on her hips. On her feet she had combat-like boots but they were more feminine than her old Doc Martens. She slipped on a three-quarter length black leather duster. She still had that dangerous Spike look about her but she was definitely all woman. And a stunning one at that. Angel always considered William good looking; becoming a woman certainly had not changed that.

"Pumpkin, you look marvelous!" Lorne gushed as he walked towards Spike.

"Whatever. Let's get this over with." She sneered.

Fred turned to the group. "I told Spike she would feel better once we get to the restaurant." She smiled.

"Don't patronize me, Beanpole." Spike replied although she had a smile on her face.

"Could say the same to you, Spike!" She laughed.

"Touché."

Gunn replaced the phone onto the receiver. "Okay, people. Let's move out. A company car is waiting for us downstairs." He walked over to Spike. "Hey good lookin'." Gunn joked as he shook his eyebrows and wrapped his arm around Spike.

"Oi, hands off!" Spike shook his arm off. She joined the others as they walked towards the elevator. The two vampires brought up the rear. "Wow, how'd they get you to go out?" Spike asked her Grandsire with a shocked look on her face.

"Guilt." Angel said as he turned to Spike.

"Figures."

"You?"

"Same." Spike paused.

"Damn Soul." The two vampires uttered at the same time. Before entering the elevator, the two looked at each the other and smiled.

* * *

When the Fang Gang arrived at the restaurant, they were immediately given entry because of Lorne's connections. 

"Lorne!" A voice yelled as the group turned. A middle aged man in an expensive suit practically ran up to them.

"Yogin!" Lorne replied as the two air kissed. "These are my co-workers."

"I am pleased to meet any friends of Lorne." The tall, handsome, olive skinned man answered. "Give me a few minutes while I prepare a great table for you all."

The group nodded in appreciation.

After a few minutes, he returned. "This way, please."

Fred turned to Spike and noted how miserable she looked. "Hey, Spike." She said as she looped her arm through the blond vampire's and leaned towards her ear. "Why don't we go to the bar to get a drink before going to the table."

"Ta, pet." She answered as Fred led the way. The two females stood at the bar awaiting the bartender. Spike stood silent and then spoke. "It's hard, luv. Can't jus' act like everythin's normal. You know?" Fred smiled sympathetically.

Spike felt a hand brush her shoulder. She jumped and started to swing, but then stopped abruptly.

"Whoa! Hold on a minute." A tall, tan, dark haired man with a beautiful smile held his hands in the air.

"Well, serves you right! You touched me." Spike looked up at the man with squinting eyes. She was so startled that she nearly vamped out.

"Sorry. Really." He flashed his pearly white teeth. "I just wanted to get your attention." He looked down for a moment. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"What do you want?" Spike asked slightly annoyed.

"Well, my buddy and I were wondering if we could buy you and your friend drinks?" He gestured to his equally gorgeous friend. They looked similar except Clark was a blond.

Spike was stunned for a second and looked at Fred who was shaking her no. The blond vampire was about to bite this guy's head off, but instead looked back at the man.

"Sure, why not." Spike smiled evilly. She wasn't stupid enough to refuse a free drink.

"What'll be, um..." He raised his eyebrows as he waited for her name.

Spike thought for a moment. The first name that popped into her head was her mum. "I'm Anne. And this is Winifred. But people call 'er Fred."

"Pleased to meet you." He offered his hand to both women. "Anne. Fred. I'm Jason. This is Clark."

"Hi." Fred finally spoke.

"So, ladies." Spike subtly rolled her eyes. "What'll be?"

"Jack 'n coke." Spike answered and turned to Fred who was looking at Spike with wide eyes. Spike motioned for Fred to answer.

"Um. Cosmopolitan. Thanks. B-But you don't really need to buy us anything. Our friends are in the back waiting for us." She felt a slight pain in her shin as Spike kicked her lightly.

"That's okay." Clark replied. "One drink won't hurt."

Fred had a strained smile as she looked over at Spike who shrugged her shoulders and laughed.

Jason returned after a few minutes and handed the women their drinks. "Here you go. One Cosmo and one jack and coke. That's a strong drink for such a little lady."

"You'd be surprised how much I can handle." Spike smirked. "'M from England and even the women there can drink you American boys under the table." She shook her eyebrows.

Jason chuckled at the bravado of such a tiny girl. "How do you figure?"

Spike retorted. "You frat boys guzzle that shit you call American beer. Really it's jus' pisswater. Now European beer? That'll put hair on ya chest." Spike flirted with the boy. She was in the mood to play with him. He reminded her of Riley. 'Stupid ponce.' Spike thought as she shoved the image of Captain Cardboard back into the recesses of her mind.

After spending ten minutes arguing the virtue of American versus European hops, Fred spoke up.

"Well, thanks for the drinks. We better join our friends." She said intently as she eyed Spike.

"Yeah, thanks for the drink, mate." Spike flashed a smile and waved as the two walked into the restaurant searching for their table. Spike laughed as they meandered through the busy establishment. She could sense Jason's arousal still from across the room. "It's almost too easy!"

"I bet they are wondering where we are." Fred said as she perused the room.

"They'll live, pet." She smirked. "What? You afraid Wesley will think you're cheatin' on 'im?"

"Spike!" Fred responded in an exasperated tone. The two women found their friends.

"Are you alright, Fred?" Wesley stood and pulled a chair out for Fred.

"Uh, uh. We stopped at the bar for a drink." She sweetly smiled as she sat down. The only other open seat was by Angel. Spike proceeded to sit.

Angel turned to her and noticed her smile. "You okay?" His eyes squinted, slightly suspicious. "How much did you drink?"

"Lay off, Warden." Spike scowled. "These two blokes bought us drinks." She turned to Lorne. "It was great. He touched my shoulder and I almost hit 'im. He asked if he could buy me a drink. What a racket! Bat my lil' baby blues, and FREE drinks! Brilliant it is!"

"So, was he cute?" the Green Demon inquired.

"All American Boy type. Cute. Too pure for my tastes, though." Spike grinned and shook her eyebrows while Angel sat silently with a frown on his face.

All eyes turned to the waitress as she walked up to the table. "Can I take your order?"

* * *

The Fang Gang enjoyed their blood, drinks, and food. For the first time since going to Wolfram and Hart, they gelled as a group and relaxed. As they were preparing to depart, they heard a voice. "Hi, Anne." 

"Oh," Spike looked at Fred with a funny expression on her face, "Jason, was it?" She smiled.

"Yeah. Could I talk to you for a minute?" He said as he placed his hands in his pockets.

She was about to say no, when Lorne pushed her towards him. In the background, Angel growled but no one heard.

Gunn leaned over to Wesley. "I don't get it. I know Spike is now a girl, but what does this mean? Spike's gay?"

"According to the Watcher's Manual, Charles, vampires have no sexual preference.. They do not see use labels to describe their sexuality. But I guess, basically, the term would be bisexual." Wesley said as he cleaned his glasses.

Gunn thought for a moment. "You think Spike and Angel, ever..."

"NO, we haven't." Angel hissed as he grabbed his coat and practically stormed out of the restaurant with the others following.

"Damn, vamp hearing." Gunn said as he followed.

The group waited for Spike to come out. After a few minutes she emerged.

"Did you break his fragile little heart, Pumpkin Pie?" Lorne asked the blond.

"Na, I let 'im down easy. He's a good kid." She smiled. "I've still got it, though!" She laughed as they entered the limo and drove back to Wolfram and Hart.

TBC...


	6. 6

AN: Thanks for the continued feedback! I really appreciate it.

Warning: Language; Female!Spike

Chapter 6

The next few weeks passed quickly. Spike continued to adapt to her situation. The group looked for a reversal; but, the search had been fruitless thus far. The longstanding tension loosened between Spike and Angel. Their conversations were no longer erupting into verbal sparring matches, but simple playful banter. Spike was still slightly cautious, but their situation slowly improved.

Angel sat at his desk reviewing the myriad of reports that needed his signature. His phone blipped. "Boss?" The female voice on the line said.

Angel sipped his blood and pressed the button. "Yes, Harmony?"

"You're nine o'clock is here."

"Okay, I'll be out in moment." Angel released the button and then proceeded to place his jacket on. He opened the door to his office and walked to Harmony's desk. She pointed to a well dressed gentleman sitting on the plush couches in the lobby. Angel walked over with a sigh. Wolfram and Hart was beginning to wear on him.

"Julian May, I presume." Angel offered his hand.

"Yes. You must be Angelus." The tall, dark haired man with green eyes replied.

Angel half grinned. "Actually, it's just Angel." He said in a serious tone. "Why don't we go to my office." He started walking back towards Harmony. "Would you like a beverage?"

"Yes, a Pelligrino would be lovely." He smiled.

"Harmony, a Pelligrino for our guest."

The blond looked up from her desk. "Anything for you, Boss?"

"No." Angel extended his hand for Julian to enter his office. He shut the door behind them.

Angel and Julian sat at the couches. "So," Angel began, "What brings the CEO of the New York office to LA?"

"I am visiting some West Coast business contacts in the area and I thought that I should stop in to meet my newest Wolfram and Hart colleague. I hope my last minute appointment was not problematic."

"Not at all." Angel said slowly as his head turned as Harmony entered the office with a beverage in hand. She handed it to Julian, smiled, and left promptly.

Julian sipped his Pellagrino and placed it on the coffee table. "As you know, in a few months is the annual North American corporate meeting of Wolfram and Hart top executives. I make it a point to discuss some issues with the heads of the larger cities before attending. It is important to make sure our agendas are in tune with the philosophy of Wolfram and Hart." He smiled as his green eyes sparkled.

"So. " Angel began, "you have come to see if I tow the corporate line, so to speak." Angel squinted his eyes as he stared intently at Julian.

Julian stood gracefully and walked towards the window. "Certainly your reputation precedes you, Angelus. Oh, I apologize, Angel. The vampire with a soul. I must admit, many of us find it quite peculiar that you of all people now head one of the biggest branches in this country. But, your firm continues to generate revenue. Such an anomaly." He smirked a bit.

Angel stood and looked upon Julian with cold eyes. "Is there a point to this visit, Mr. May?" He crossed his arms.

Julian opened his mouth to respond when suddenly the office doors flew open.

"Angel!" Spike practically yelled. "I need a new car..." She stopped abruptly when she saw the two men by the window clearly in the midst of a serious discussion.

In her high pitched voice she said, "Oh, 'm sorry. Didn't realize you were in a meeting." She half grinned feeling embarrassed. She expected Angel to start yelling any second.

Julian turned towards Angel and then Spike and said, "Is this a colleague of yours?" He smiled.

Angel hesitated for a moment. At this point he wanted to rip this man to shreds with his bare hands. "Yes," he cleared his throat, "Julian May, this is Spike." Julian walked to Spike and took her hand and kissed it. Angel tried to suppress his growl as he continued. "Spike? Julian May. CEO of the New York branch of Wolfram and Hart."

Spike thought she should play nice and not invoke anger from Angel. She had screwed up a few meetings before for not acting according to supposed protocol.

"Pleased to meet you." She said sweetly.

"And what do you do here at the Firm?" He asked.

"Many things, really." She tilted her head a bit when she saw Angel's expression behind Julian.. She knew that he wanted her out of there. "Well," she started to back up, "I apologize for the interruption." She said as she looked directly at Angel and quickly left the office.

The two stood silent for a moment.

"Stunning." Julian said.

"Excuse me?" Angel responded.

"What an unusual name for such a beautiful creature." He smiled widely. Angel clenched his cheeks. "Is she your consort?"

"My consort?" Angel's eyes were wide. "No. No." He seemed a bit flustered.

"She is available then?"

"No, she is not." Angel hissed as he clenched his fists.

Julian stepped back. "I did not mean to offend you, Angel. Clearly she is a valued employee to evoke such a reaction."

"She is my Grandchilde." Angel answered in a serious tone.

"Ah." Julian shook his head. "I see. You vampires are quite attached to your family." He looked at his watch. "Well, I do believe I have monopolized enough of your valuable time." He offered his hand. "I look forward to seeing you in Toronto. Until then."

"Until then." Angel answered and watched him walk out.

* * *

The dark vampire sat at his desk brooding for a few hours. His possessive nature had returned to the forefront of late. He did not quite understand what he was feeling and why any outside interest in Spike affected him so deeply. He had not felt this way about his family in quite awhile. Emotions like these made him feel closer to Angelus. He sighed and then decided he could not brood anymore. He was exhausted and chose to return to his penthouse. 

As he walked in, he heard the sound of the TV blaring. Oddly enough, his penthouse had seemed more homey since Spike had invaded the premises. There was constant commotion of some sort when his Grandchilde was around. He found it quite comforting at times. He smiled and threw his jacket on the chair like he did most nights. He warmed up a mug of blood and was going to his room when he heard Spike.

"Hey Peaches? Warm me up a mug, mate. Ta!" Angel completed the task and walked into the TV room.

"Thanks." Spike said as she lounged in a black cotton tank top and matching bottoms.

Angel sat next to Spike and sipped his blood. For a time, they watched TV without talking.

"So," Spike began, "that bloke from earlier? Didn't smell human."

Angel leaned his head back. "He's an Immortal."

"Kind of creepy, if you ask me. Pillock kissed my hand." Spike frowned and Angel chuckled.

"Probably someone else I'll need to worry about." Angel sighed as he rubbed his eyes.

"Oi! No broodin' in my presence, got it?" Spike smiled. "You need to lighten up mate." Spike turned to him. "Need to have yourself a good time, that's what. You're stressed out all the time." Her voice was concerned but she quickly tried to cover that with a quip. "It's startin' to bug me."

"I have a good time on occasion." Angel replied unconvincingly.

"With who? Dog Girl?" Spike closed her eyes immediately after she mentioned Nina. 'You're so stupid Spike.' She thought to herself. 'Bring up the stupid werewolf.' She pouted.

"Nina?" Angel chuckled. "You call her Dog Girl? That's not very nice."

"Well," she pouted and rolled her eyes, "'m not very nice." She turned to the TV.

"Anyway, doesn't matter." Angel added. "I broke up with her weeks ago."

"Oh?" Spike said curiously without too much emotion. "Afraid she'd give you that moment of perfect happiness?" Spike again regretted her choice of words.

"No." Angel answered quietly. "There's no happiness clause."

Spike practically choked. "What? How?"

Angel turned to Spike. "Part of the deal to take this job was that they anchored my soul."

Spike's head dropped and she spoke quietly. "T-Then, why didn't you go to Buffy?" Spike eagerly awaited the answer and it was not because she still loved the Slayer.

Angel sat silent for some time. Finally he shrugged his shoulders. "I will always care for Buffy; but, we are different people now. I don't think it would work. I knew that even before my soul became permanent."

Spike's undead heart skipped a few beats but her exterior was still cool. Suddenly a thought popped in her mind and her anger rose a bit. "Then what about that kiss with 'er, you ponce?"

"It was just a hello." Angel replied.

"Yeah, that's what the Slayer said." Spike shook her head and turned back to the TV. She saw Angel getting up and she stopped him. "S-So, um. You wanna watch a movie?"

Angel stared back at her and nearly drowned in her beautiful blue eyes. "Sure." He said as he sat down and Spike grabbed a bowl full of popcorn from the coffee table.

"You want some?" She offered the bowl to Angel. "Tastes good with blood." She chuckled when she saw Angel face grimace. She grabbed the remote and flipped until she found a movie she thought they would both like.

They didn't speak for the next few hours but settled into a very comfortable silence. Angel placed his feet up on the coffee table and relaxed for the first time in a long while. After the movie ended, Angel noticed that Spike fell asleep. He turned the TV off and was going back to his bedroom. He turned back to the sleeping Spike. Angel stood and watched her face that was illuminated by moonlight. She looked like a true angel; so peaceful, so serene. He then gently scooped her into his arms. He was surprised how light she was. He placed her down on her bed and grabbed a blanket from the chair and placed it over her form. The dark vampire leaned over and kissed her lightly on the forehead and closed the light and shut the door. Spike smiled as she continued to sleep.

TBC...


	7. 7

AN: Please continue the feedback...it feeds my Spangel soul!

Warning: Language; Female!Spike

Chapter 7

_Two weeks later_

"You wanted to see me, Percy?" Spike said as she sauntered into the Ex-Watcher's office. She plopped down on the couch and propped her feet up on the arm.

"Yes, Spike." He closed his ancient text and stood. "In a few hours, I have a meeting with Farouk Demons. They are interdimensional travelers who prey on humans and others who they consider 'subspecies.' Angel has asked me to open negotiations with them to remove themselves permanently from this dimension."

"Whatcha need me for, then?" Spike smiled.

"I will be armed, of course. But I could use some backup. From my research, they seem quite unpredictable."

"You need me like a bodyguard?"

"Not exactly. I need someone I can trust at the meeting." He saw Spike smirk.

"Spike, your knowledge of demon languages and other skills have been quite helpful since you have arrived. But, yes, I need 'muscle' as you would so crudely put it." The Ex-Watcher rolled his blue eyes.

"That's all you needed to say, Watcher." She stood and chuckled. "So I guess you're Whitney Houston and 'm Kevin Costner." She laughed at her own joke.

"Excuse me?" Wesley responded with puzzled eyes.

"Oh, come on! 'The Bodyguard'? She threw her hands in the air. "You're jus' as pathetic as Angel, Wesley. You know nothin' about pop culture!"

"Yes, well, Spike. We shall depart in one hour." Wesley nodded his head and returned to his text.

"Well, then, I _shall _be back." Spike slipped to her native accent to poke fun at her fellow Englishman. The two looked at each other and smiled.

* * *

"We just supposed to sit here and wait all day?" Spike whispered as they sat at the spartan table in the abandoned warehouse. 

"According to the schedule, they should appear shortly." Wesley peered at his watch.

Suddenly a portal appeared and two demons emerged followed by five smaller beings. The two approached. They were certainly intimidating. They were over six feet tall with red bodies and two rows of sharp horns framing the sides of their bodies. Their eyes were yellow and lips were jet black. They wore long black robes.

Wesley stood and Spike moved behind him.

One of the demons began to speak. The voice was deep and menacing. "Are you Angelus of Wolfram and Hart?" He said slowly.

"I am his representative, Wesley Wyndham-Price." He gestured to the chairs for the two to sit. The other beings stood stiffly behind the demons. They were thin and fully shrouded in red robes. One could not even see their faces.

The two demons hesitated but then sat down. Wesley followed suit.

* * *

Angel read his mail as he walked towards Harmony's desk. "Harmony, where's Wes?" 

"Don't you remember, Bossy? He was meeting with those demon thingies today. He and Spike will be back later."

"What do you mean, Wes and Spike?" Angel looked concerned.

"Yeah, I saw them leave about an hour ago." She said happily.

"He took Spike?" Angel hissed. "Where did they go?"

"Um, now. Let me remember." She said as she shuffled some sheets around.

"HARMONY!" Angel vamped out.

"Okay, okay. Here's the address. It's not too far from here."

Angel grabbed the paper and went quickly to the garage.

* * *

"This is simply a preliminary meeting to determine if our two parties have the potential to negotiate." Wesley began. "Once we have established a dialogue, he will meet with you. He is a very busy man as you can imagine." 

The other demon spoke. "He is not a man at all. He is a filthy vampire."

Spike stood in the background with cold eyes and pursed lips.

"We agreed to meet with him because of our longstanding dealings with Wolfram and Hart. We are insulted that he has sent a pathetic human in his place." The demon's anger was rising.

Wesley continued despite the tension in the room increasing. He padded his hip while he sat, reassuring himself that his weapon was still there. Behind him, Spike reached behind her and felt for the gun she had resting against her hip.

"Yes, well, here are the terms. We will not interfere with your dealings in other dimensions. Believe me, we are capable of doing such. In exchange, you will not harm any humans or other friendly so called 'lower beings' here." Wesley crossed his hands and stared intently at the two.

The two demons stood abruptly and knocked their chairs back. "How dare you give us ultimatums, HUMAN!" Their hands went beneath their robes and they emerged with weapons and pointed them at Wesley and Spike.

Suddenly the portal reopened to the side of the demons and they marched through. Wesley and Spike looked at each other and then at their five enemies who now held weapons. Spike smirked and charged. "Ah!" She yelled as she threw the first punch. She easily twisted the neck of one and shot the other. Wesley used a knife on one of the demons but then struggled with the other. Spike ran over to him after seeing Wesley fall to the ground after he was stabbed in the arm and then kicked in the stomach. Spike forcefully turned the demon towards her and tried to punch the being in the face. It ducked and kicked Spike in the chest instead. "You bloody bastard!" Spike yelled as she winced from the pain. She used her leg to sweep the demon off its feet. She reached for her gun, and shot it in the chest. It wailed and then fell silent. Spike went over to Wesley. "You alright, Percy?" Spike panted as she helped him up.

"There's another one." He said between breaths. Spike turned and saw the other demon. She gingerly lay Wesley down and was reaching for her gun as she saw the demon beginning to fire its gun. The demon fired two shots. One hit Spike in the right arm and the other in the right chest. The impact of the blow caused Spike to fall for a moment. She easily got up in time to see Angel charge in yelling and in full gameface. He ran up to the robed demon and twisted its neck. He hurried over to Wesley and Spike. Angel grasped Spike's face and looked down at her. "You okay?" There was such concern in his eyes that Spike was taken aback. She winced a bit from the pain of the bullets but nodded her head.

"'M fine. Help Wes." She grimaced slightly as she pointed to the Ex-Watcher.

Angel aided Wesley in standing. "I am alright, Angel. Just needed to get on my feet." Wesley was able to limp over to retrieve his weapon.

"What happened, Wes?" Angel asked with an underlying strained tone. The two slowly began the walk to the exit. Before Wesley answered, Angel turned back to Spike who stood where he left her. He stared at her and something did not seem right. Her eyes were suddenly glassy and she looked extremely pale.

She shakily turned to her Grandsire and said quietly but calmly, "Angel?" She swayed for a moment and then collapsed to the ground.

TBC...


	8. 8

AN: Thank you all for the continued feedback...keep it coming!

Warning: Language; Female!Spike

Chapter 8

Angel carried a limp, pale Spike in his arms as he rushed down the hallway towards the medical ward at Wolfram and Hart. In front of the entrance a team of medical professionals waited.

"Mr. Angel. I am Dr. Smith, chief of staff." A short mustached man in his fifties spoke. "Mr. Wyndham-Price alerted us to your arrival." He took one look at Spike and turned to his team. "Let's get her to a trauma room!"

Angel followed the team into a large white room with a myriad of medical equipment. He placed her down on the gurney but continued to hold her small hand. "Spike." He spoke next to her ear. His chocolate eyes watered. "Honey, can you hear me?" Spike lay still on the bed but her eyes flickered opened. Her usual bright blue eyes seemed dull and vacant. "Angel..." She whispered.

"Stay with me." Angel pleaded with her as he grasped her small hand.

"Excuse me, sir." A nurse asked Angel. "We need to get her clothes off." She said as she held a large pair of scissors. Angel backed up to give the doctors and nurses some room.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Dr. Smith asked the dark vampire.

Angel looked flustered as he tried to concentrate on what they were doing to Spike and answering the questions. "I...uh...S-Spike was shot by a Farouk demon..." Angel ran his hands through his gelled locks. "She seemed okay at first...I mean we're vampires...we've been shot lots of times." He paused. "And then she looked pale and passed out...w-we brought her straight here."

"Angel!" Spike weakly yelled as she arched from the bed. Angel ran back to her side and grabbed her hand.

"I'm here! You're going to be fine." He smiled to reassure her.

Spike's face looked pale and gaunt as she panted. She slowly turned her head to him and said in a small voice. "I-I'm c-cold." She said as she shivered. When Angel felt her head, she was sweating and felt very warm.

"Please, Mr. Angel." Dr. Smith implored. "I need you to step back so we can properly do our survey."

Angel turned to him with yellow eyes blaring. "She NEEDS me here." He hissed.

The doctor hung his head and tried to work around him. As they cut off Spike's clothes, blood was seen slowly seeping from her two wounds. As they attempted to wipe the blood, they also saw large red rings surrounding her wounds; the discoloration extended down her chest and right arm.

"Let's get xray in here to see how deep these bullets are. We need to get them out." Dr. Smith said as he stood to the side watching his team. He turned back to Angel. "Do you know what she was shot with?"

"I've sent a unit back to the warehouse to retrieve the weapon." The dark vampire answered while still holding her hand.

"Draw a comprehensive blood screen for toxins and other substances." The doctor continued.

"Dr. Smith, I am having trouble with getting an IV." A nurse reported.

"Were you able to draw the blood we need?" He asked.

"Yes." She nodded.

"Good. Keep trying." The doctor answered as he continued to look over Spike.

Angel watched as the team placed Spike in a gown after dressing the wounds. Finally, a thought dawned to him. He turned to the Doctor. "I was poisoned a few years ago. The only cure was Slayer Blood. Could this be what we're dealing with?"

Dr. Smith thought for a moment. "Perhaps. I won't know until we run some tests."

"Doctor?" Another nurse spoke. "Her temperature is 85 degrees."

Angel's eyes widened. "How can that be?" He said in a slight panicked voice as he looked at the doctor. He turned back to Spike and whispered words in her ear in Gaelic to try to calm the shivering, barely conscious vampiress.

A voice from the back yelled, "Stand back, people! XRAY." A machine from the ceiling lowered to stop just above Spike. Angel stood back while the picture was taken, but immediately returned to Spike's side when it was over.

After a few minutes, Dr. Smith spoke. "Good news, Mr. Angel. The bullets are fairly superficial. We should be able to remove them with a little local anesthesia." He tried to smile and then returned to discussing the case with his team.

Angel absently nodded. At this point, he was barely able to process what the doctor was telling him. He just continued to stroke Spike's long wavy hair that was currently wet with perspiration. She occasionally muttered something unintelligible. Angel switched to hold her left hand as the doctor placed a mask, gown, and gloves on to retrieve the bullets from her right side. The doctor worked quickly and within fifteen minutes, he removed both bullets. He placed them in a plastic bag and turned to the nurse. "Send those to the Science Department for analysis." He closed her wounds and a nurse put a dressing over them.

Angel sat at her side feeling helpless. "Is there anything I can do?" The dark vampire asked nearly desperate for a task.

"Are you of family line to her?" Dr. Smith asked. Angel nodded. "She will require blood. I understand that family blood is quite potent."

"Whatever you need." Angel responded. He looked down upon his Grandchilde. "Spike?" He asked quietly. "Can you hear me?" He squeezed her hand. He nearly smiled when he saw Spike's eyes fly open. She gasped as her eyes rolled back, and then suddenly, she started violently arching and convulsing.

Angel stood up and knocked his chair down. "Spike!" He said as he watched saliva running out of her mouth as she continued with her seizing. Angel tried to hold her down, but to no avail.

"Two milligrams of Ativan, STAT!" Dr. Smith shouted as he ran to her side. "NOW!"

"Doctor," a nurse replied, "we still don't have an IV."

"Then give it in her muscle." He responded as he watched the nurse empty the syringe in Spike's left shoulder area.

"Spike!" Angel said as tears poured from his eyes. His undead heart was breaking at watching her in this state.

"Somebody, please remove him." Two male nurses attempted to escort Angel from the room. He vamped out and snarled at them.

"Mr. Angel, if you want me to help her, then please leave!" The doctor said forcefully. Angel bowed his head and left. He heard the doctor ordering more seizure medicine as the doors closed in front of him.

Angel stumbled over to a chair in the waiting area. He buried his face in his hands as he attempted to get a reign on his demon. He wanted to kill something. He breathed deeply as tears fell from his eyes.

"Angel!" He heard Fred yell as she ran down the hall. Lorne and Gunn followed. "Oh my gosh, is she okay?" Fred looked stunned as she noticed the state the dark vampire was in. She had never seen him look so devastated and vulnerable. Her heart sank as she began to fear the worse. "Where is she?"

Angel still couldn't speak. He just looked up at his friends and they knew this was serious. They all sat down and waited. Occasionally the doors would open and people would rush in and out; but, still no news yet. The others tried to engage Angel in some conversation but he remained silent. He stood over in the corner staring out the window.

"Angel?" Wesley walked up after receiving medical attention. His right arm was in a sling. "Is Spike alright?" He said as he walked towards the dark vampire.

Angel growled and turned towards him with yellow eyes; he practically flew to him and pinned against the wall and held him by the throat.

"ANGEL!" The others yelled as they attempted to extract Angel from a choking, gasping Wesley.

"Who gave you permission to take her with you!" Angel's chest heaved as he spoke. "Answer me, HUMAN!" He hissed as he vamped out. "ANSWER ME!"

Gunn and Lorne succeeded in tearing the dark vampire from Wesley. The Ex-Watcher slid to the ground gasping, as Fred helped to calm him down. Gunn pushed Angel against the opposite wall. "This isn't helping Spike!" Gunn said as he tried to pacify Angel who was still glaring at Wesley. Angel broke free from Gunn and slowly walked towards Wesley.

"I told you that you would need some backup and to take Special Ops. You disobeyed and instead took my Grandchilde and placed her in danger." Angel spoke as his eyes burned yellow.

Wesley stood and stared at Angel with sad eyes. "I am so sorry for what happened to Spike, Angel." He bowed his head and spoke quietly, his voice a bit hoarse. "I needed someone to work with that I trusted."

"Farouk demons are not tolerant of vampires!" Angel hissed.

"Nor of humans, Angel. Yet, you sent me." Wesley looked intently at the dark vampire.

Lorne intervened. "Look, friends. Enough of the testosterone show. We need to focus on our little Blondie Bear right now." The Green Demon looked at the two. They each lowered their heads and walked to opposite sides of the room.

* * *

One hour passed before they heard any news of Spike's condition. Dr. Smith emerged from the room wiping his brow. He walked slowly towards Angel who stood to meet him. His friends gathered around him. 

"Mr. Angel." He began.

"Look, it's just Angel."

"Very well, Angel. We were able to stop Spike's seizures for the time being. She required a large amount of sedatives to do so." He paused.

Angel eyes watered. "Do you know what is causing this?"

"Not of yet." Dr. Smith turned towards Fred. "We have sent the bullets and samples of her blood to your department Ms. Burkle." Fred nodded and he turned back to Angel.

"We could use some of your blood for her, Angel. As soon as we can identify what the cause of her illness is, we can tailor our therapy to it."

Angel's dark eyes were wide with fear. "And if you can't figure it out...will she die?"

"Let us not speak hypothetically at this time. For now, we will give her supportive care: blood and fluids. We will try to make her as comfortable as we can."

Angel hung his head and whispered. "Thank you, Doctor." He looked up. "Can I see her now?"

The doctor tried to smile. He placed a hand on Angel's shoulder. "Let me show you where you can make your blood donation for Spike and then, feel free to sit with her. " Angel glanced briefly at his worried friends and then disappeared with the doctor.

After giving blood, Angel slowly walked down the long, gray corridor towards Spike's room. He allowed a tear to escape his eyes before roughly wiping his face. He knew that he had to be strong for his Grandchilde. He nodded his head and took a large unneeded breath as he walked into the Intensive Care Unit.

TBC...


	9. 9

AN: Thanks for the feedback...my Spangel soul is doing a happy dance. Please continue with the comments. It helps me write faster to know people enjoy the story!

Long chappy ahead!

Chapter 9

Angel kept a constant vigil at Spike's bedside. He sat on the chair beside her and held her hand. The room was eerily quiet. Spike lay as still as the dead. She occasionally flinched or mumbled. Her condition had not improved in the last twenty-four hours.

The door to Spike's room peeked open. Fred quietly walked through. She took in the scene as her heart ached for her two friends. "Angel?" She said quietly.

As the dark vampire slowly turned his head towards her, she noticed the drawn features and the blood shot eyes of Angel. Fred held up a bag. "I brought you some blood." She attempted to smile. "It's warm."

Angel turned back towards Spike. "I'm not hungry." He said in a monotone voice.

"You should take a break, Angel." She said quietly.

"I can't leave." His voice cracked. "What if she wakes up and all she will see are these gray walls...I can't risk that." Angel paused.

"Angel, you need to feed to keep your strength up." Angel shook his head as Fred changed her tactics. "Spike needs your blood. If you don't feed, it will hurt Spike. Do you want that?" She said with a strong tone in her voice.

Angel thought for a moment and stood up and walked over to Fred. She handed him the container and Angel forced the blood down. His fangs descended as he realized he was drinking human blood. He raised his eyebrow for a moment.

"I'd figure human would be better for Spike." She smiled and was happy to see that Angel reciprocated. "Why don't you go take a quick shower and change your clothes, Angel. I'll sit with Spike until you come back and then I'll go back to the lab." She proceeded to sit in the chair near Spike's bed.

"Thanks, Fred." Angel was exhausted as he stood there. "Are you close to finding any answers?" He asked with hope in his voice.

"We'll figure it out, Angel. I promise. "We just need a little more time."

"That's the problem. I don't know how much time we have left." He said quietly as he took one last look at his Grandchilde before reluctantly leaving. "I'll be back."

* * *

After returning, Angel dozed in the chair as he sat with Spike. Suddenly, he startled awake as he heard her moan. He immediately grabbed her hand. "Spike?" Her only response was continued moaning. She sounded as though she was in a great amount of pain. He took a small towel and dabbed her forehead that continued to be wet with perspiration. For the first time in his unlife, Angel felt completely powerless. 

He clutched the bedside remote and frantically pushed the call button. A voice came over the intercom. "May I help you?"

"I need to see the doctor." Angel said as he stood.

"As soon as he finishes his rounds, I will send him."

The dark vampire's eyes were yellow. "I don't think you understand." He growled. "I want to see him now. This is Angel."

"Oh, Mr. Angel, sir. Yes, right away." The voice responded as Angel managed a smile. At least something good came out of being the CEO of 'Evil Incorporated.' His smile saddened as he thought about the first time Spike used that term to describe Wolfram and Hart. Angel had been so annoyed with the blond vampire, that he yelled at him. The dark vampire shook his head. He could not think about those things now. He needed to focus his attention.

"No..." Spike whispered but her eyes were still shut.

"Spike?" Angel asked with hope in his voice as he clasped her thin hand.

"School's out..." Her speech seemed slurred and Angel could barely make out what she said.

"Honey? Can you hear me?" He said as he stroked her hair and then her cheekbones.

"The end...no you don't...thanks..." She said quietly but her voice was steadily rising.

"Open your eyes, Spike." He pleaded with her.

"'M burning...burning!" She said frantically and then screamed and bucked in bed and then all of a sudden she was quiet again.

"Spike?" Angel gently shook her as she became quiet. He was desperate when Dr. Smith walked in the room.

"Angel did you need to see me?" He stood quietly for a moment as he noted the despair on Angel's face. "Did something happen?" He said as he went to look Spike over. She appeared unchanged to him.

"She was speaking. It was jibberish, but she spoke." Angel's eyes were wide. "She seems like she is in a lot of pain."

"She may be hallucinating, that's all Angel. It is common when one is poisoned." He placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"Poison?" Angel stood to face the doctor. "Do you know what type?"

"We're pretty close to figuring it out and then we can hopefully find a cure or antidote." He paused. "I will have the nurse give Spike some Morphine to keep her comfortable. I'll let you know when anything else occurs." The doctor nodded and left. A few minutes later, a nurse entered the room.

Angel watched as the nurse injected the medicine through Spike's IV. He continued to stroke her cheek and whisper reassuring things in her ear. "Please, Spike. Come back to me. I need you." Angel lowered his head into her lap and fell asleep.

* * *

During the early evening, Angel tore himself away from Spike's side and quickly went to his office to feed. He did not even bother to warm it up. He wanted to get back to Spike. His office door opened and he turned to find Wesley standing at the door. The two stared at each other for a time and finally, Wesley spoke. The Ex-Watcher looked devastated. "Angel, if I had known..." 

Angel's undead heart warmed as he saw Wesley's emotion. "I know, Wes. I'm sorry I snapped like that. I had no right."

Wesley sighed. "We are all worried about Spike, Angel. I must admit that we-I am a bit confused at your reaction to her illness." He stared intently at the dark vampire.

Angel understood his point. "It's complicated, Wes." Angel said as he sat down on the couch. He leaned over and placed his head in his hands and then looked up. "So much has occurred between the two of us. Spike is-was like my own Childe. But circumstances changed all that."

Wesley understood. "Your soul." He replied. Angel nodded.

"After one hundred years, all that seemed to be left was anger, jealousy, and hate. But underneath everything..." Angel trailed off. He had never spoken to anyone about this. This was his burden to bare. "Spike's change has allowed us to...I don't know...but something has changed between us. I know I'm not making any sense." He rubbed his fatigued eyes.

"You care for Spike." Wesley stated simply. The two sat silent for some time. "She will recover, Angel. Fred is close to isolating the origin of her illness." Wesley smiled and stood up to leave. Before walking through the door, he turned back to the dark vampire. "It is quite clear that Spike cares for you as well." The two smiled at each other as Wesley departed.

Before returning to the Intensive Care Unit, Angel went to the lab on check on Fred's progress. He found Wes and Fred huddled together looking through a microscope. Angel smiled as he saw the state Fred was in: her hair was in a ponytail on top of her head and was quite disheveled looking. Her glasses were on the tip of her nose. He felt blessed to have such devoted friends in his life.

"Fred?" Angel said quietly.

"Oh, Angel!" She responded looking surprised. She pushed her glasses up. "I didn't see you there."

"Any progress?"

"It is definitely a toxin of sort. I am analyzing the biochemical properties of the substance. Once I can identify it, I will run a DNA sequence match in the Wolfram and Hart data systems to see if we have a match on file. We may have an antidote here in the storage facility and…"

"Okay, Fred." Wesley interjected as he saw Angel's eyes glaze over. "She is near to finding out what it is, Angel."

"Thanks, guys." Angel's eyes watered. He placed his hands in his jacket pockets and walked out of the lab. As he neared Spike's room, he heard some activity. He sprinted towards the noise and found numerous people huddled around her bed. His eyes were wide as he saw her shaking again. He rushed through the crowd to find Dr. Smith ordering more medicines to stop her seizures. After ten minutes, Spike was still once more. Angel turned to the doctor.

"She's dying." Angel said quietly as he reached his arm out to find a chair. He felt his strength momentarily leave him. He looked up with pleading eyes, desperately wanting the doctor to contradict him.

The small man sat next to Angel. "It is serious, Angel. I will not lie to you. There is always hope, though. Winifred is still working on a solution." He paused. "Don't lose faith." They both watched the gravely ill Spike for a time and finally, the doctor excused himself.

Angel stared at the increasingly pale face of Spike and pleaded. "Don't leave me, please. I can't do this by myself anymore. I can't."

* * *

Angel managed to take a catnap and startled awake the next morning as he felt the warm rays of the sun bathing him. He looked up to see that Spike appeared unchanged. Angel's heart sank as he watched her. He sighed and stood up and walked out of the room to get some fresh air. He saw all his friends congregating in the hall with the doctor. When they saw Angel, they turned to him and smiled. 

"Angel," Fred began, "we've isolated the toxin affecting Spike." Her smile was wide.

"Really?" He asked.

"Yes, Angel." Dr. Smith reassured him. "We do have an antidote. We need to have the pharmacy concentrate it and we can administer it to Spike to see if she responds to it."

"If?" Angel asked seriously.

"It will likely work, Angel. But, nothing is one hundred percent." He looked at Fred. "Thank you for your work. Angel, it should be ready soon and we'll start."

Angel stood in front of Fred and tried to open his mouth to talk. Nothing came out.

"It's okay, Angel." Fred said as she embraced the emotionally exhausted vampire. "It'll all be okay."

* * *

Over the next eight hours, Spike's color slowly improved as the infusion entered her system. Her temperature returned to baseline as her sweating dissipated. Angel did not leave as he did not want her to wake up and not see him there. He dozed for some time and then he heard the most melodious noise. 

"Sire?" A high-pitched weak voice spoke. Spike's eyes fluttered open.

"Gods, Spike!" Angel said abruptly as he sat up and grabbed her hands.

She tried to moisten her cracked, dry lips. "W-What…?" Her eyes were confused as she looked around at her environment.

"Don't try to talk, Spike." He stroked her hand. "After you were shot, you got sick. The bullets had poison on them." He smiled down at her and thought she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. "But you're okay, now." He caressed her cheek and was so happy to see a hint of color to them.

Spike's blue eyes closed for a moment as she felt Angel's touch. "Angel." She whispered as she stared at her Grandsire. Her chin trembled and a tear escaped her eye as the events of the last few days washed over her. But knowing Angel was by her side gave her a sense of relief. She turned and curled into the fetal position so her head lay on Angel's hand. Angel's other hand slowly stroked Spike's hair. The dark vampire looked up with tear filled eyes and thanked whoever for the return of his Grandchilde.

* * *

Angel sat back as he watched Spike rest. He smiled when her eyes opened again. 

Her voice was weak. "You look like shit, mate." She said as she attempted to smirk.

"I see that you are feeling better. " Angel chuckled. "Yeah, I haven't showered much in the last few days." He leaned forward. "Someone got sick." He remarked sarcastically.

"Yeah. Sorry 'bout that." She answered jokingly.

Angel's smile faded. "Spike." He hesitated for a moment before continuing. "I..." Angel stopped when he heard a knock on the door.

"Hello?" Fred opened the door. "Can we all come in?" The two vampires nodded as the Fang Gang entered with balloons and flowers. They congregated around her bed.

"You're looking better, Blondie Bear." Lorne started. "You should be in tip top shape in no time, Pumpkin.

"Glad you're better, Blondie." Gunn added while Fred went to hug Spike.

"Thanks, everyone." Spike answered. "I'll be fine." She turned to Wesley who was standing in the back.

"Spike, I would like to apologize for my carelessness in..." His eyes were sad.

Spike interrupted him. "What are you goin' on about, Percy? Just bad luck, that's all." She smiled and then looked at him seriously. "No worries. Okay pet?" Wesley nodded his thanks. Spike yawned.

"Alright guys, let Spike get his rest." Angel said as he stood. Their friends waved goodbye as they left.

Angel helped reposition Spike so she was more comfortable in the hospital bed.

"Ta." Spike said as she lay her head back on her pillow. She suddenly felt extremely fatigued.

Angel stood watching her for a moment and then looked around the room. "Well...I guess..."

"You're leaving?" Spike said as she tried to hide the hurt in her voice.

"I wasn't sure if you wanted me to stay." Angel said almost sheepishly. "I could, though. You know. Stay." Angel mentally kicked himself for sounding like a Scooby.

Spike smiled. She thought Angel looked cute when he was nervous. "Sure. If you want." Angel took the seat next to her and waited until Spike began to slumber before trying to sleep himself.

* * *

The next morning the two vampires were awakened when Dr. Smith entered. 

"Rise and shine!" The doctor said enthusiastically. "How's the patient?" He said as he walked over to Spike.

"Right as rain, doc. Thanks for all the work." Spike said as she scooted up in the bed. "Still feel a bit weak, though." She said with a slightly worried tone.

"The amount of poison in your system would have killed a human in a few hours. With your vampire constitution, you will make a full recovery, but there will be residual weakness for a few weeks. I would like you to come to the physical therapy department once a day during the week, so we can build your strength back up. Other than that, you will be discharged today. Is your place far from here?"

"She's staying with me." Angel interjected.

"Very well, that makes things much easier." He smiled. "I want you to drink some human blood once a day and also some of Angel's blood a few times a week. This will help speed up your recovery. Any questions?"

Spike shook her head.

"Thanks, Dr. Smith." Angel added.

The doctor nodded and left. Spike turned to the dark vampire. "So, pet. You've got to give me your blood, huh?" She smirked.

"Guess so. It's your lucky day." Angel answered as he stood. "I'm going to go upstairs and make things ready and have a shower. I feel disgusting." He said as he touched his clothes.

"And your hair is in serious need of that poufy gel you always use." Her blue eyes sparkled.

"My hair gel is not poufy!" He countered as he neared the door.

"Keep telling yourself that, luv!" Spike yelled after Angel as he left. She laughed a hearty laugh.

* * *

As Angel returned to Spike's room, he reveled in the fact that he was now clean. He patted his now perfectly gelled hair as he chuckled to himself. He was happy to see Spike return to her snarky self. He heard Spike yell from outside the room. 

"GET THE BLOODY HELL AWAY FROM ME WITH THAT, YOU STUPID BINT!" Her voice sounded distressed. Angel ran down the hall to see if she was in danger. He entered the room to find Spike sitting up on the bed. She had clearly been bathed because she was out of her hospital gown and in regular clothes. She was in game face hissing at a nurse who was standing at the bedside.

"What's going on?" Angel said as he tried to calm down now that he realized his Grandchilde was not being harmed. Spike crossed her arms and turned away. Angel looked at the nurse's name tag. "Um. Mary? What seems to be the problem?"

The human's heartbeat was fast. He could sense her fear. "I-I w-was trying to get her in the wheel chair, so w-when you came, she...she'd be ready to go." Tears filled her eyes.

"That's okay." Angel reassured her as he placed his hands on her shoulders and lead her from the room. "I'll take care of it. Thank you for your help." He waited to turn back to Spike until the door closed.

"Spike?" He asked in a somewhat angry tone. "What is your problem? You scared that poor woman!" Spike refused to look at Angel. He reached over to touch her and was surprised when Spike flinched. He saw real fear in her eyes as they teared.

"It's just a wheelchair, Spike." Angel regretted his words after they left his mouth. His eyes were wide as the realization hit him. "Gods, Spike. Honey, I'm sorry." He reached to touch her back and she drew away. He walked over to her and crouched down in front of her. He looked up and was heartbroken to see tears streaming down her face.

She whispered, "I can't...I can't." The memories of Spike's time in the wheelchair and the humiliation and the torture at the hands of Angelus flooded back to her mind.

"I'm sorry, Spike." Angel's eyes were filled with remorse. "This isn't the same. You can walk this time; you're just a little weak. The doctor thinks it will help you get around." He brought his hand forward to wipe her tears; but she turned away again and shook a little. "I'm not him, Spike. I won't hurt you. Never again." He said as his eyes burned with conviction. "He can never hurt you again."

Spike opened her eyes and looked intensely at Angel. Blue eyes met chocolate brown eyes. She could see his soul reflected in his beautiful orbs. She knew he was speaking the truth and wanted to believe him. She sniffed and wiped her eyes and nodded slightly. She held her arm out as Angel stood. He gently helped her out of the bed. They took tentative steps initially. It took most of her strength to walk those few steps to the wheelchair. She hesitated for a moment and then lowered herself into the chair with Angel's help. He wiped a few stray tears from her face and half smiled. He walked ahead and propped the door open. He wheeled her out and started the journey back to the penthouse.

TBC...


	10. 10

AN: Please continue with the feedback. It is greatly appreciated!

Chapter 10

The next ten days passed quickly. Spike was determined to be rid of the wheelchair as soon as she could. She spent most days working intensely in the physical therapy department. Through pain, hard work, and determination, she was able to use a cane eventually. Angel continued to support the blond vampire but he was cautious. She was quiet around him. The memories of their time in Sunnydale seemingly fresh on her mind. She knew, in her heart, that he was no longer that creature capable of such horror. She simply needed time.

* * *

Spike tossed and turned in her large bed one late night. She had been tired from a busy day with physical therapy and spending time in Fred's lab. She had returned and quickly fed and went to bed. She lay in the dark and stare straight up at the ceiling. She could not sleep so she decided to go into the living room area. 

She stood in the dark room. The only light was the moonlight streaming through the blinds. With the use of her cane, she found herself walking slowly towards the window and staring down at the city of Angels. She wrapped her arms around her thin frame as if she were cold. She closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them as she felt a presence. She knew Angel was standing in the room watching her, but she did not turn around.

"Spike?" Angel said quietly as he placed a t-shirt on over his broad frame. "Couldn't sleep?"

"Yeah." She answered while keeping her eyes closed.

"Are you okay?" The dark vampire asked with concern. "Did you have a bad dream?" He said while stepping a bit closer to her. He was still quite a distance away from her.

"Always have those." She said so quietly Angel barely heard her.

The two stood there for quite some time in silence. Angel watched her back and wanted so much to comfort her and get her to talk; but, he was nervous. He did not want to pry, but he could sense that she wanted to say something. She was breathing and he knew Spike would breathe when she was felt uneasy or scared.

"When you were in the hospital, Spike," Angel started slowly, "you seemed to have some bad dreams and hallucinations." When he realized she was not interrupting him, he continued. "You were screaming about burning..." He trailed off because he was not sure what kind of reaction he would receive. Silence befell the room again. After a while, she spoke.

She laughed bitterly at first. "That damn amulet, you know. Felt so stupid wearin' it. Looked like friggin' Elizabeth Taylor or somethin'." She shook her head. "Started heatin' up after awhile. The Slayers had beat the Ubervamps back, but it wasn't enough. They kept comin'. Probably thousands of those ugly fuckers." She continued to hold her arms around her thin frame and to talk at the window. She did not turn back. Angel stood quietly. His heart was breaking as he heard his Grandchilde speak with such sadness.

"Then the amulet glowed and kind of threw me back against a big rock." Her voice rose a bit. "Light or somethin' shot out of it and started burnin' those vamps. Just like if sunlight hit them. Gave a chance for what Slayers were left to get out of there." She bowed her head. "That's when I knew." She whispered.

"Knew what?" Angel asked.

"That I wasn't leaving."

Angel's eyes saddened. "Spike. You don't have to..." Angel walked towards his Grandchilde. He did not want her to dredge up painful memories.

"It's okay. Never really talked about it before, you know?" Angel sensed the unsteadiness in her voice. But, he did not keep her from speaking.

"I was okay. I think. I knew it was my time. After everything I'd done..." Her voice choked as she lowered her head. She took a deep breath and continued. "The light kept coming out; it hurt but I was calm. Ready." She paused. "And then, I felt it."

Angel was confused. "Felt what, Spike?"

She turned her head to the dark vampire and whispered. "My Soul." A tear escaped her eye. "It was beautiful, Sire." She paused. "I knew that I couldn't ever make up for everything I had done. But, in that last moment, I knew I could at least try." She reached up to wipe her face and she turned away again.

She breathed deeply again. She bit her lower lip before proceeding. "Did you know?" She couldn't bear to face him after asking the question so she kept her back towards him still.

"Yes. I felt you pass." He answered with sadness as he teared.

Spike's voice cracked. "Did you care?"

"Gods, Spike!" Angel moved closer. "Of course I did."

A small smile traversed her face as she let out the breath she did not realize she was holding.

"I know I was such an ass when you first came back. I think I was in shock really. So much had happened in my life to that point. With the move to Wolfram and Hart, I was all messed up. I was a terror when we first got here." He chuckled bitterly. "I think it was because I couldn't tell anyone about my grief. I was mourning many things at that time, Spike. Including you." He sighed. "When you appeared in my office, I know I was a jerk." Angel stopped rambling.

She quietly asked, "How long was I gone?"

"About nineteen days."

She snorted. "Seemed longer."

Angel proceeded delicately. "Spike, where were you?" He was not sure he wanted to know.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Don't really know. I couldn't feel me but I know I was me." She shook her head. "I wasn't in pain or nothin'. But I was all alone." She turned to him briefly. "You were raised Catholic, Liam...maybe I was in limbo or purgatory or whatever." Her voice hitched again. "Next thing I know, I was in your office all ghost-like." She turned back. "Don't know what was worse. Being there all alone or here where nothing had changed."

"Will, I am so sorry. I never thought...I don't even know what to say." He hung his head. "I was so relieved to see you at first and then I snapped back into our old way of relating to each other." He walked until he was directly behind her. He placed his hands on her shoulders. Initially he felt her tense, but then she relaxed. "There is so much I need forgiveness for." He paused and nearly melted when he felt her cool hand on top of his. He turned her gently until he was looking down into her beautiful blue eyes. He slowly bent down and lightly kissed her forehead. "You were always so beautiful, Will." He whispered. He wiped the tear traveling down her sculptured cheek. "Don't cry, Little One."

"Angel..." Spike closed her eyes as if in disbelief.

"Ssh. No more talking." Angel bowed down and captured her lips tenderly. He found himself smiling into the kiss as he felt her responding by opening her mouth. His long arms encircled her thin frame as he deepened the kiss and the passion of over a century took over. Spike eventually pulled back from the kiss. The two vampires panted. "I'm sorry." The dark vampire said.

"For what?" She asked.

"I wanted to do that for so long, I almost lost control." He smiled.

"And that's a bad thing because?" She slyly grinned as Angel chuckled as he embraced her. Against his chest, she continued. "I wanted you to do that for a long time, you stupid ponce!" The two laughed.

"Why don't we head to bed." Angel said and then he swallowed nervously. "Would you come with me? I want to hold you all night." His smile warmed her heart. She nodded and reached for her cane. Angel gently grabbed it from her and lay it down on a chair. He lifted her into his arms and walked slowly to the bedroom and closed the door.

TBC...


	11. 11

AN: Please continue with feedback...I write better if I have comments.

Short little chappy ahead

Warning: Language; Sexual situations

Chapter 11

Spike woke up in the morning to the sleep warmed embrace of Angel behind her. The realization of kissing Angel last night gave her an excited flutter in her stomach. Soon, though, that was replaced with a doomed feeling. Old insecurities arose as she thought about Angel. She was scared that he would feel their kiss was a mistake or even worse, not even acknowledge it. She carefully extracted herself from his arms. As she stood by the bed, she was happy she did not manage to wake him. She quickly limped to the spare bedroom and showered. She rapidly placed on undergarments, jeans, and a small black button down shirt. She then placed a few items in a bag. She was not sure where she was going, but figured she was nearly healed and should probably not outstay her welcome. As she packed, she did not notice Angel standing in the doorway clad only in his blue, silk pajama bottoms. As she turned around and slung her bag around her shoulder, she yelped as she saw her Grandsire. The bag dropped to the floor with a thump.

Angel's eyes traveled down to the discarded object. "What are you doing, Spike?" His tone was not angry. He sounded confused and a little hurt.

"Um...just getting my things together." Spike answered. She was avoiding looking at him.

"Why?" He asked as he moved closer to her. He was now standing in front of her. She still refused to look at him. He gently turned her chin to look up at him. "I don't want you to leave." He said . "What is this about?"

"Nothin'..." She whispered.

"Is this about the kiss last night?" She simply shrugged her shoulders. He almost laughed because she looked so cute; she pouted like a little child.

"Are you upset that we kissed?" She again shrugged her shoulders. Angel forced her to look at him. "Spike, please talk to me. I need to know what's wrong."

"You aren't upset about it are you?" She said with wide eyes.

"Not at all." Angel smiled and walked towards her. "In fact, I'd like to do it again." He said as he wrapped his arms around her waist. He leaned down and captured her lips in a beautiful, but chaste kiss. Spike sighed as she let all the tension out of her body and melded her body into his. Angel whispered in her ear. "Come back to bed." He grabbed her hand and led the two back to his bedroom. As they stood in front of the bed, their kissed turned more passionate, building in intensity as time passed. Angel towered over his petite Grandchilde. She looked up into his eyes and was surprised at the lustful but loving gaze Angel had. She felt herself shiver as Angel's hand slowly traveled up her back. The feeling of his soft touch against her skin made her close her eyes. Spike could not remember the last time, if ever, that she had been touched with such care. Angel removed his hands from her back and slowly began unbuttoning Spike's shirt. The garment floated to the floor. As he looked upon her, he ran his finger slowly over the perfect lines of her neck and down her shoulders. He gently slid her lace bra straps down and then adeptly unhooked her bra. For a moment, Angel stopped when he saw Spike look away.

"What's wrong, honey?" Angel asked with concerned as he saw Spike wrap her arms around her exposed breasts.

Spike looked as though she was blushing. "It's jus'...I mean..." Spike felt embarrassed to tell Angel. The dark vampire paused and then understood.

Spike spoke in a small voice. "Jus' not used to this body, I guess. Feel like a bloody virgin..." Her voice trailed off as she chewed on her lower lip.

Angel gently grabbed her arms. "You're beautiful." His voice was husky. "I want you so badly, Spike. But, I can wait until you are more comfortable." He stroked her cheek.

The blond vampire smiled as Angel said those words and proceeded to wrap her arms around his neck and lean up for a kiss.

"Are you sure?" Angel asked her. Spike nodded.

He nudged her to lay down on the bed. Spike propped herself up on her elbows as she watched Angel unloosen his pajama bottoms. They fell to the floor and Angel leaned over the bed and helped Spike rid herself of her pants. Spike gasped as she saw Angel's arousal and again when he lay on top of her. He buried his face in her neck and inhaled the wonderful scent of his Grandchilde. "Spike...you smell so good." Angel practically hissed. He licked her neck in the spot where Spike was sired. That elicited a groan from the blond vampire.

"Sire..." She said as she began to pant. Angel's hand slowly moved down her toned body. He moved off of her slightly and laid to her right side. He kissed her chest and then her flat abdomen. He looped one finger through the side of her lace thong and pulled it down her legs and discarded it on the floor. He continued to worship her body with small kisses. Angel looked up at Spike's face and smiled as he smelled her arousal building. As he trailed his finger down her belly he let in rest in a nest of curls. He gently parted her legs. As he started rubbing her intimately, Spike practically jumped off the bed.

"Gods, AAAAAngel..." She began moaning and arching into his touch. Her body was on fire. This was a new feeling for her. It was incredible. And when she found she could barely form words, Angel replaced his finger with his tongue.

"Holy shit!" Spike yelled as she felt her body building towards climax. She grabbed Angel's hair and then the sheets; anything she could find at the moment. "Sooo good..." She panted and gasped. She neared her climax as Angel continued. With one last flick of his tongue, Spike arched up as she had a powerful orgasm. She lay back heavily against the pillow as she breathed heavily. Angel was beside her at the head of the bed. He smiled as she opened her eyes and looked at him. He thought how beautiful she looked with flushed skin and kiss swollen lips. She was a goddess.

"Pet...that was...wow..." Spike couldn't form words.

"So, is that what it takes to render you speechless?" Angel joked as he sucked on her breasts. Spike placed her hands in his surprisingly soft hair and trailed them down his neck. As Angel returned to kissing her mouth, she again lost all rational thought. When she felt his arousal at her entrance she tensed a bit. Angel looked at her.

"It's going to hurt?" She asked.

"I'll try not to hurt you, baby." He said as they continued to kiss. Again he spread her legs apart. He couldn't wait to slide into her. He went slowly, attempting to hurt her as little possible. She was sufficiently prepared but gasped as his large length continued to become buried within her. Angel smelt a little blood, but was encouraged by Spike grabbing his hips and moving them forward.

Angel gasped when he was fully sheathed within her. "Jesus...Spike..." His voice when dry. He moaned as he started moving in and out. The two vampires were joined and moved together as one. Angel continued to move faster as the intensity built. As he neared his climax, he saw Spike offer her neck to him. He dropped his fangs and buried them into her neck. He then arched back and roared as his orgasm hit him. Underneath, Spike enjoyed her second orgasm as well as she shuddered. As Angel came down from his high, he rolled off her. He gathered her into his arms as the two vampires breathed heavily. He kissed her head and reveled in the closeness. As Angel's eyes fluttered, he whispered, "I love you..." and the two vampires fell asleep.

TBC...


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Thanks for the reviews! Keep 'em coming!

Chapter 12

Spike began to stir a few hours later. She felt Angel's arms hold onto her tighter to prevent her movement. She smiled.

"Don't move..." Angel playfully ordered Spike as he lay behind her. "What time is it anyway?" The dark vampire said sleepily.

Spike turned a bit towards the nightstand. "Um. 9:05."

"What!" Angel said as he shot up in bed. "Crap!" He said as he leapt out of bed and then tripped on the bed sheet. He fell with a thump onto the floor. Spike chuckled as she stretched her arms above her head.

"Graceful, pet." She smiled brightly.

"I have a conference call at 9:30." Angel complained as he rushed into the bathroom. He did not take long. Fifteen minutes later, he was showered and dressed. He joined Spike in the kitchen and nodded his head as Spike handed him a mug of blood. He smiled at her as she stood there drinking her blood wearing his shirt. It was so oversized that it reached below her knees. He had to concentrate and push away the desire to take her back to bed.

"Alright." He said as he downed the contents quickly. "I'll see you. Are you coming down later?" He asked.

"Yeah, maybe I'll come to the group meeting." She smirked. "If you're lucky!"

He embraced her and kissed her nose. "You better!" The two vampires laughed and kissed for a few minutes before Angel finally tore himself away.

* * *

Spike slept until noon. She slowly rose and showered. As she dressed, she felt a nervous flutter in her stomach. She and Angel had crossed a line that morning. She heard him say he loved her after they made love. She smiled briefly at the memory. What happened when she left the comfort of the penthouse? Would they return to their usual banter in front of the others? Would Angel deny their relationship like Buffy had done to him? Spike's legs felt weak for a moment as she reached out with her arm and lowered herself to the bed. She chewed her nails as she decided whether to go down to the offices. She took a deep breath and steadied herself. 'It's different this time.' She thought. 'Isn't it?' She placed her hands over her eyes and shook her head. "Don't be such a ninny, Spike." She said out loud as she forced herself to stand. She limped over to her cane and walked slowly over to the elevator. With each step, her nerves increased. She reluctantly pressed the button and the doors to the elevator opened. As they closed in front of her, she stood for about a minute before pressing the button to exit in Angel's office. "Well, no turnin' back now." She mumbled. 

As she left the security of the elevator, Spike turned her head to the left and saw the entire group congregated at the large meeting table. They were in the midst of a discussion. So, Spike quietly grabbed a seat at the opposite end of Angel. Fred turned to her and smiled as she noticed the blond vampire take the seat next to her. Spike did not look at Angel; she tried to concentrate on what Wesley was saying.

"Angel, I simply worry that we have been distracted from our true mission by dealing with some of the unsavory aspects of the Firm. Half of our time is spent defending characters that would have been our enemies prior to coming here." The Ex-Watcher stood and placed his hands in his pockets. "Do you not see this?"

Angel had a pained look upon his face. He spoke defensively. "We all had our reasons for coming here. We knew it would be a challenge." He sighed. "And we are doing some good. Gunn?" The dark vampire looked to his legal eagle for some support.

"Granted, our methods have changed." The handsome vampire hunter began. "But we have managed to do an inordinate amount of good works." He shrugged. "Sometimes, I miss the old days though. Mixing it up; getting our hands dirty. But all in all, I think we do good work here."

Wesley stood there with an angry look on his face. "And your legal brain upload certainly contributed to your fondness for this place, eh Gunn?"

Gunn stood and walked over to Wesley. "If you have something to say, English..." He growled.

Fred spoke with a worried but warning tone. "Wesley..."

Lorne interjected before things escalated. "Come on, friends. We're all in this together."

"I agree, Lorne. Wes?" Angel turned to the figure now staring out the window. Wesley nodded his head and took his seat. Gunn followed suit.

"Good." Angel said as he looked down at his notes. As his head rose, he briefly eyed Spike to smile and noticed she was looking away. "Now, about the Schukack demons?"

Wesley sighed and then responded. "Yes, I believe they are preying on innocent demons just outside the city. We need some more reconnaissance. There are a few people in my department that may be up to the challenge."

"Hey!" Spike interjected as she turned to the group. "Recon is my job. Remember, Percy?"

Wesley was taken aback. "W-Well..." He was not sure how to respond. "Since, your illness..." He trailed off when he noticed the fire in her eyes.

"Spike." Angel started. His voice was not forceful or annoyed like in the past. "We are confident that when you are stronger, you can continue with that work." He continued quickly as he saw her open her mouth to speak. "I don't want to see anything interfere with your recovery." He smiled at her and was pleased to see her return it.

"Fine." She huffed almost playfully. Everyone in the room noticed the thawing of their relationship. Fred lightly kicked Spike under the table. She smiled brightly at her friend.

"Okay, assign recon to your department, Wes. Anything else?" The dark vampire looked at his watch and then surveyed the room. "I have another meeting in five minutes." Angel said with little enthusiasm in his voice.

"With whom, Angelcakes?" Lorne asked.

"Hamilton. Our liaison to the Senior Partners." Angel rubbed his eyes to relieve the tension in his head.

The group dispersed and left Angel's office. Spike hung back and watched Angel as he walked to his desk. She frowned with worry as she noticed the posture of her Grandsire. She went to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Angel smiled as he lifted her up and hugged her like his life depended on it. After he set her down, Spike looked up at him. "You okay, Pet?" Her voice was filled with concern.

"Yeah." Angel shook his head. "Sometimes...it's just...this place."

Spike remembered when he first returned as a ghost and berated Angel about fighting within the belly of the Wolfram and Hart beast. She still believed this was true. She could not understand why Angel could not see it as well.

"Angel." Spike hesitated. "Maybe Percy was right?" She was taken aback as Angel quickly turned away and hung his head. Her small hand turned his head back towards her. "Luv?" Spike felt fear in her heart as she watched Angel. "Why did you come here?" Her bright blue eyes tried to seek the truth as she continued to stare at him. "You can tell me."

Angel did not speak. Instead, he kissed her forehead and then chastely kissed her lips. Spike tried to speak again but was interrupted when Gunn burst back into Angel's office.

"Angel. About the deposition tomorrow..." He trailed off when he saw the two vampire in a lover's embrace. "Um...sorry." Gunn said as he blushed with embarrassment.

Spike's eyes were wide and she quickly tried to disengage herself from Angel when Gunn entered the room. Angel continued to hold her tight. He quickly kissed her forehead and turned to Gunn.

"Why don't you come back later, Gunn. Okay? I'm a bit busy right now." He said with a smile as he looked down at Spike again and kissed her on the lips.

"Uh...sure." Gunn said as he hurriedly left the room.

Spike's lips were tense as she pulled back from Angel.

"What?" The dark vampire said.

Spike looked at Angel and could not even answer him. She saw love shining in his eyes and her undead heart jumped for joy. For the first time in Spike's existence, the blond vampire felt truly desired. It nearly brought tears to her eyes.

"Nothing." She finally responded. "Just kiss me, Peaches."

TBC...


	13. Chapter 13

AN: I love reviews. They feed my Spangel soul!

Warning: Angst, Language Short chapter before the weekend.

Chapter 13

Spike sat in front of the TV like she had on many nights over the last few weeks: alone. She felt back up to her normal strength, but Angel would not allow her to fight or perform her past duties. Now, she helped Wesley or Fred with research when needed. But that was few and far between these days. The cohesion of the group seemed to be disintergrating. Everyone was preoccupied with their own departments.

Angel spent many hours in his office. When he returned, he seemed stressed out and angry. He was easily distracted and surprisingly, Spike was not the only one who noticed. Wesley had his own concerns. He relayed to Spike the other day that Angel seemed to be concentrating on demon clients rather that helping the helpless. Wesley had attempted to meet with him over a case of interest and Angel told him that they did not have time for trivial things.

Spike tried to confront Angel, but the dark vampire dodged the concerns or changed the subject all together.

Instead of moping in the penthouse and feeling sorry for herself, tonight Spike decided to go downstairs to Angel's office. Before leaving, she dressed in low-cut pants, a tight shirt that revealed her toned belly, and chunky heeled open toed shoes. Fred and Harmony insisted that she would look hot in the outfit. She checked herself as well as she could and began the journey downstairs.

Spike exited the elevator and watched her Grandsire from behind for a moment before walking up to his desk. Angel sat at the large mahogany structure buried behind mountains of paperwork. He seemed to be intensely reading something, when he sensed Spike in the room. He looked up and nearly groaned when he saw her outfit. Spike pushed some papers aside and sat on his desk. She placed her feet in between his legs as he sat on the large leather chair.

Spike tried to smile. She did not know why she felt so nervous. Angel's features looked drawn. Clearly the stress of the job was impacting him.

"Pet." She hesitated. "I thought..." She dropped her head for a moment. "I thought that maybe we could spend some time together tonight." She gazed around at the desk. "Maybe some of this could wait." She looked at him with hopeful eyes.

Angel looked into those crystal blue eyes and was nearly tempted. But he knew that he had a job to do. Before answering her, he turned his gaze back to his paperwork. "I've got too much to do, Spike." He said with a tinge of anger.

"What is wrong with you?" Spike asked. She was so puzzled by his behavior. She had noticed a worsening over the last month. She felt desperate. "Why can't you talk to me?" She took a deep breath. "This job is killin' you, Angel! And I'm not the only one who's noticed. Do you even care what I think? What they think?" She leaned back a bit when Angel looked up at her. His eyes were cold.

The dark vampire stood up and roughly grasped Spike by the shoulders and swung her legs into his arms. He walked around the desk and proceeded to plop her on the couch. He stood over and menacingly said, "If I gave a shit what people think, I would ask." His tone was so Angelus like that Spike shivered with fright. "I have work to do. So, either sit there and shut up like a good little girl, or go back upstairs. I'll be up later." Angel turned his back to the shocked blond vampire and went back to his desk.

As Spike slowly sat up with teary eyes, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in." Angel said angrily.

"Hope I'm right on time." An impeccably dressed tall, dark haired man said as he entered.

"You're one minute late." Angel growled as he glanced at his watch. He stood to meet Hamilton.

"Well, hello Spike." Hamilton said as he walked over to the couches to where the blond vampire now stood. "Feeling well, I hope?" He said with a smile.

She did not acknowledge his presence and looked over to Angel who was ignoring her. Hamilton picked up on the look. "I hope I didn't interrupt a lover's quarrel?" He said with a smirk and a tiny laugh as he practically leered at Spike.

"It was nothing." Angel said without emotion.

Spike stood for another moment before willing herself to leave. 'I will not cry in here.' She thought as she walked towards the door and then out. Her voice hitched as she covered her mouth with her hand to stifle the sob that wanted to escape. She leaned back against the closed doors. As she wiped the tears away, she trudged over to Harmony's desk. She stood there for a few minutes; she finally took a took a deep breath and dialed the telephone.

"Harm? Yeah, it's Spike. You up for going out tonight? Yeah...don't care...anywhere loud and with lots of booze...yeah, see if Lorne or Gunn wants to go...sure...I'll leave in a few minutes...alright...see ya soon..." She replaced the receiver and took one more glance back and glared at Angel's office. She snorted and smirked and then made her way down to the garage.

TBC...


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Warning: Language; some dark times ahead...they are vampire's after all...

It was 4 am by the time Spike returned to the penthouse. She had fallen asleep at Harmony's. It gave her the opportunity to sober up a bit. Surprisingly, the blond vampire found that she did not drink as much as thought she would. Since becoming a female, Spike noticed that she longer favored scotch, whiskey, and other hard liquors. Harmony turned her on to the wonderful world of Cosmopolitans and other similar libations. The first few cocktails she consumed this evening did nothing to dull the ache in her heart, so she spent the rest of the night nursing her sour apple martini. She found herself enjoying the company of friends; the simplicity of it all was quite refreshing. For a time, she could shove the problems with Angel into the recesses of her mind and have some fun.

Before opening the door, she wondered if Angel was going to be there. She slowly entered the penthouse and placed the keys on the table. She stretched her arms and yawned as she started walking towards the spare bedroom. She had decided that after the manner in which Angel treated her earlier, she did not want to share his bed this morning. Suddenly, she stopped as she felt her Grandsire's presence. She slowly turned her head to the left and saw Angel sitting in the corner quietly. He held a glass in his hand. His impressive form was illuminated by the moonlight streaming through the open blinds. She could see his cold eyes staring straight ahead. Spike swallowed nervously as the scent of scotch permeated through the air.

"Where were you? You didn't take one of the cars." The dark vampire said quietly, seemingly devoid of emotion from his seated position as he sipped his drink.

"Out." Spike said. "Took a cab." She stared back. "Not like it's any of your business." She added with some intensity as she glared at him.

"Of course it's my business." Angel said as he slowly stood. The approaching form caused Spike to take a step back.

"Whatever, you ponce." Spike rolled her eyes , turned, and began to walk quickly to the spare bedroom. Her route was cut off by Angel. The dark vampire loomed over the petite blond.

"Get out of my way, Angel." Spike said seriously as she hissed. She raised her arm to push him aside when Angel grabbed her by that arm and pushed against her until Spike's back hit the wall.

"You're hurting me, Angel!" She struggled to no avail. Even in top form, Spike was no match for the older Master Vampire. "Let...go...of me..." Spike spit out as she felt Angel's large weight against her. Angel held her against the wall with her hands above her head.

She shuddered as she felt Angel's breath against her neck. "You smell of human men and demons." Angel growled as he faced her again.

"Yeah...it's called Eau de Gunn and Lorne. We danced, you berk." Spike's eyes turned yellow with anger. "Know what? Wasn't jus' them! All of those men at the club wanted my tight bod! Should have let 'em have at it!" She smirked as she heard Angel growl again.

"You're mine, Spike. Mine." He said menacingly as he licked over the mark he made. He tightened his grip on Spike as he ground his pelvis against hers.

"And you're drunk, you fuck!" She tried to kick him but her legs were pinned. She tried to ignore the feeling of Angel's tongue against her mark. She closed her eyes and panted as he continued to slowly suck at her neck. The mix of anger and arousal was intoxicating. Angel changed his visage with one last lick to her jugular. He then suddenly sank his fangs savagely into her neck. Spike gasped and then she was on fire as he drank from her. Angel's grip loosened on her wrists and her arms immediately grasped around his neck. She moaned as the feelings overtook her. She felt his arousal against her. When Angel released her, he immediately ravaged her mouth. Tasting her own blood on her lips just intensified the feeling even more. Angel frantically tore his shirt off and stepped out of his pants while still kissing her wildly. He ripped Spike's shirt off and moved his hands down her lithe body. He reveled in the smoothness of the lines of her form. He unbuttoned her pants and hurriedly pushed them down, along with her thong. He gasped as he took in her stunning, nude body.

"Spike...baby...so beautiful..." He groaned as he disengaged his mouth from hers for the moment.

"A-Angel..." Spike whispered as her mouth was nearly too dry to talk. She felt weak in the knees.

Spike snaked her arms around his neck as he lifted her up. As she wrapped her legs around his waist, he became fully sheathed with her core. The sudden intrusion made both vampires groan with desire.

"Fuck..." Spike exclaimed as she panted and rode Angel. Angel threw his head back as he enjoyed the feeling. Sweat poured over closed eyes from Spike's brow as she tired from the frantic pace. Her lover sensed this and lifted her gently back into arms and walked to the bedroom. He laid her down and kissed her forehead and nose before inching his way back inside her. The anger and desperation of Angel from earlier seemed to fade as warm, chocolate hued eyes gazed directly into the confused orbs of the blond vampire. He touched his lips gently to hers and they both closed their eyes as he gently moved in and out.

"My love..." Angel whispered as he neared his climax. He felt her nearing her zenith as well. The two came together as they shuddered. Angel rolled off her and grasped her waist from behind as he spooned her. He kissed the back of her head and fell into a sated sleep.

As she felt him slip into the land of dreams, Spike slowly opened her crystal blue eyes. She touched her neck as she lay there wondering what just happened. Never had their lovemaking been so rabid and intense. Her demon inside seemed to feel replete, but overall, she felt disconcerted. A feeling of emptiness consumed her. She had not felt this way since Sunnydale. Not since... Buffy. She bit her lip to prevent her emotions from overwhelming her. She allowed one lone tear to escape her eye before willing herself to sleep.

* * *

When Spike awoke in the morning, she rolled over and noticed a cold spot in the bed. Angel was already up. She heard the shower running. After a few minutes of staring at the ceiling, the water turned off. She immediately rolled back over and feigned sleep. She did not know how to confront Angel. 

The dark vampire stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom staring into nothingness. He dried himself off and quickly styled his hair. He went to his large walk-in closet and dressed. He walked over to the bed and watched the small figure buried under the covers. He smiled at the fact that Spike has always needed numerous covers around her. He pondered that it must make her feel safe. All he wanted to do was stay in bed with her all day, make love, and keep her safe. But, there were things he had to attend to. He leaned over and caressed her long, wavy honey blond hair. After some time, he stood up and went down to the office.

When she was sure he was gone, Spike opened her eyes.

TBC...


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Spike entered the Science Lab later in the morning. Fred looked up from her microscope and smiled when she saw her friend.

"Hey! How are you? Harmony said you all had a blast last night."

Spike took the chair next to her. "Yeah, grand ol' time it was." Spike said with little enthusiasm. Fred worried as she looked at her. She seemed distracted.

"Spike? Let's go to my office." She said as surveyed the room.

When the two arrived, she began to ask questions. "Are you alright?" She said as she placed her hand on the blond vampire's shoulders.

"Yeah." Spike answered as she hung her head a bit.

"You're as bad a liar as I am." Fred frowned. "Is it Angel? He seems real cranky lately."

"That's not the half of it." Spike mumbled under her breath as she rubbed her neck.

"Come on, Spike. What's up?"

Spike was in no mood to share, so she changed the subject. "So, what time is the meeting today?" She asked with an innocent smile.

Fred looked down at her watch and yelped. "Five minutes ago! Let's go!" The two females hurried towards Angel's office. When they arrived they took their customary seats. "Sorry we're late, guys." She said apologetically.

"No problem, Fred. We're waiting for the liaison." Angel answered.

"I don't know about that guy, Angel." Gunn warned the group and then looked over at Spike who was rubbing at her turtleneck. "You okay, Blondie?" He said to her but did not receive an answer because the liaison walked in.

"Good, everyone is here." Hamilton cheerfully greeted the group. "Well, let's get down to business. The Senior Partners are very pleased that the LA branch of Wolfram and Hart is back up near the top." He said ignoring the glares he received from the group. "It seems that the lack of attention to our clients has been remedied thanks to your leader, Angel. The Senior Partners are so happy to see you focus on your job."

"I bet." Angel said with clenched teeth as he stared coldly at the well dressed man.

"This should make your trip to Toronto a great success. It will be a wonderful way to introduce you to the others."

"What's in Toronto, Angelcakes?" Lorne asked.

Hamilton answered the Green Demon. "The annual corporate meeting of the top executives of Wolfram and Hart's North American divisions. And despite having a first year CEO, the LA branch continues to be a top performer." Hamilton walked around the table. "Of course, there were a few bumps in the road, initially, right Angel?" He chuckled. "But, now you got the ship back to smooth sailing. Of course," he gestured to the entire table, "you have all played your part." He smirked. "Go, Team!" He waved his fist in the air as he began to walk towards the door and turned to Angel. "I hope you and Spike have a wonderful trip." At the mention of her name, Spike looked up in surprise and stared at Angel who was still glaring at Hamilton. "Bon voyage." He swept out of the office.

Spike sat shocked but did not say a word. In fact, no one spoke for a few minutes. Each person was mired down with his or her own thoughts.

Gunn looked at Wesley for a moment and then cleared his throat. "If we can continue, we do have something of interest." He looked at Wesley again before turning to the group. "There are some humans and good demon shop owners down by the Wharf, who are being forced to pay for 'protection' against thieves stealing their goods."

"That's not anything new." Angel said impatiently and crossed his arms.

"Yeah." The lawyer continued. "But, the demon clan running the racket are killing if the people refuse to pay. We can't let this happen."

"And let me guess," Spike interjected. "The demon clan is our client." She shook her head and snorted when Gunn and Wesley confirmed this.

"Team Angel, doing it again." Lorne said sarcastically as he sipped his seabreeze. Fred simply dropped her head.

"What do you want us to do about it?" Angel asked.

"Are you kidding me, Angel?" Gunn yelled as he stood to walk over to the dark vampire. "What the fuck is up with you, man?" His nostrils flared as he breathed heavily. Gunn was using all his willpower to restrain himself.

"Gunn." Wesley added to help calm his friend. "We feel this is important to protect these people. That is what we do."

"And, Wes." Angel said. "We also have this job as well." He rolled his eyes and threw up his hand. "Do what you have to do." He said as he walked back to his desk. He flung papers onto the already overloaded desk.

"Good." Wesley breathed a sigh of relief; although, he realized they were not victors. Angel simply did not care what they did. The Ex-Watcher continued to be baffled at Angel's behavior. Using his background as a Watcher and what he knew of Angel, at times he felt perhaps this was Angelus they were dealing with. He knew, though, they would all be dead or horrifically tortured by now if that was the case. Was the firm corrupting their friend? He needed to ponder these things. For now, they needed to mobilize and venture to the Wharf.

"Gunn?" He looked at his friend. "Shall we get going? We can procure weapons from my office." He said as he walked towards the door.

"Let me go change, English. Then I'll meet you in the Lobby." The two nodded at the other.

"Hold up, Gents." Spike stood. "I could use a little rough and tumble, yeah?" She said enthusiastically and started her strides to join them.

"No." Angel's' voice said from the back of the room. "She doesn't go." He said as he crossed his arms.

"WOT?" Spike said as she turned to her Grandsire. "Did you just tell me, no? Mother may I?" Spike threw her hands in the air as her eyes turned yellow. Lorne and Fred joined Wesley and Gunn at the door. The anger in the room was palpable.

"I said," Angel spoke slowly but forcefully, "I don't want you to go."

"I don't give a shit WHAT you want! You fuckin' poofter!" Spike was nearly seething.

"Spike." Wesley said quietly. The two locked eyes and Spike understood. She looked down and nodded as her shoulders slumped. She wanted them to go so lives could be saved. After the door was shut, Spike slowly gazed at Angel. As if all the anger simply vanished, concerned eyes looked upon him.

"J-Just make me understand, Angel." She practically begged. "Why are you acting like this?"

"Acting like what?" Angel said surprised. "As I recall, the last time you went on a mission with Wes, you nearly died! I don't want you to get hurt! Jesus, Spike!"

"I'm not made of glass, Angel! I'm still me!" She implored as her eyes watered. "You act like I'll break if I go fight."

"Things could get rough out there." Angel walked over to the window. His back was to her.

"Like things did last night, Sire?" She said with venom in her voice.

"What are you getting at?" Angel said in a confused tone.

Spike peeled back her neck to reveal the unhealed wound on her neck from their earlier activities. "It hasn't even begun to heal yet! Didn't mind being all rough last night!" She stared at the dark vampire whom did not even seem to flinch.

"Didn't seem to mind when I did that though, did you?" He said with a smirk as he sauntered over to her. "You were moaning and groaning like a pro, Spike." Her mouth fell open in shock at the insult. "You enjoyed it as much as I did. We're vampires, honey." He said as he walked up to her. "You're telling me that Dru never liked it a little hard now and then?" He said while he ran his finger gently up her defined cheekbone.

Spike stepped back and stood there speechless. She looked at the figure in front of her and did not even recognize who it was. Was it Angelus? This couldn't be Angel, could it? He said he would never hurt her. Her head began to spin as she felt dizzy. She needed some time to think. She did not know how long she stood there. Next thing she knew, Angel had embraced her. He kissed her neck where he had bit her. He sighed as he whispered in her ear. Only vampire hearing could pick up what he was telling her.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you last night. I got carried away." He paused as he kissed her neck. "Why don't you go up and lay down, okay?" He said as he walked her to the elevator. Spike was almost in a catatonic state as he led her easily. He pushed the correct floor for her and as the doors closed, he added. "We'll talk about Toronto later."

Angel returned to his desk and pushed a button on the telephone. "Harmony? What's next on my agenda?"

"Um, the Senator is meeting with you. Do you want to greet her from the Lobby?"

Angel sighed. "Yeah, that's fine." He released the button. He placed his jacket on and buttoned it. He opened the door to the office and went towards the elevator. As the lift doors shut, Hamilton appeared from beside Angel's office. He smirked as his cold eyes watched the elevator.

TBC...


	16. Chapter 16

Warning: The angst continues; language

Chapter 16

Spike spent the night on the couch in the TV room. She did not even hear Angel come into the Penthouse. When she awoke, she slowly sat up as she rubbed her weary eyes. She could sense Angel was in the bedroom; she thanked whomever that Angel did not bring her in to share their bed. She stared at the wall ahead that was adorned with expensive artwork. She was at a loss for an explanation for Angel's conduct. His erratic behavior was starting to scare Spike. She could not predict whether or not he would be loving or reveal shades of Angelus. Spike often wondered the last few weeks if the lines between Angel and Angelus had seemingly blurred. She had asked him often to share his feelings and fears with her, yet he rebuffed her at every turn. She now felt trapped, not knowing what to do. She feared inciting his scorn.

She sat straighter when she saw him come out of the bedroom dressed for the office. She saw him smile and walk over to her. Angel sat down next to her and embraced her and kissed her forehead. Spike stiffened slightly at the contact.

"Good morning. I didn't want to wake you up when I got in last night." He said as his warm brown eyes gazed upon her face.

"Thanks." Spike answered quietly as she looked down. Angel kissed her briefly on the cheek and stood up hurriedly.

"I'll be back up around lunchtime." He said as he glanced at his watch. "Because we are leaving tomorrow, Porter is coming to show us some clothes for Toronto. There's no general meeting today, so you can stay up here if you like." He looked at Spike to see if she understood him.

She squirmed a bit in discomfort as he glared at her. "Sure." She nearly whispered.

"Alright, see you later." Angel quickly left the apartment.

A few hours later, Spike sat bored in the bedroom reading a magazine. She growled when she glanced at the clock out of the corner of her azure colored eyes. 11:45. 'That Porter ponce is comin' soon.' She thought. 'Better not make me wear some frilly shit.' She was startled out of her inner thoughts when the phone rang. She stretched her well shaped arm across the bed to retrieve the telephone.

"Yello?" Spike asked absently while she still thumbed through the gossip rag.

"Spike?" The voice on the other line was Fred.

"Heya. What's up?"

"You okay?" Her friend sounded concerned.

"Yeah, Science Girl." Spike frowned. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you missed the morning meeting. Didn't Angel tell you about it?"

Spike sat with her mouth open. She gripped the receiver so tightly, she could hear it nearly break.

"Are you still there? Spike?"

The blond vampire shook her head and forced herself to speak. Her voice choked slightly. "Yeah...uh...I just felt tired this morning. Didn't feel like gettin' out of bed..." Her hand trembled as she grasped at the phone in her hand.

"Oh, well, that's a relief. Do you think you need to get checked out in medical? "

"No, pet." Spike managed a small smile in appreciation of her devoted friend. "I'll be right as rain by tomorrow. So, don't worry your pretty little head off, 'kay?"

"Okay. You didn't miss much, by the way. Angel is acting so strange lately. He and the others seem to fight all the time now." She said sadly. "Anyway, call me if you need anything."

"Will do, luv. Ta." Spike slowly hung up the phone. 'What is he playin' at?' She thought to herself. The confused vampire felt a familiar ache return to her chest. Her brooding was interrupted as Angel and Porter entered the penthouse chatting.

"I have a wonderful selection of clothes today, Mr. Angel. My team will be arriving momentarily. The two of you will be the best dressed couple there." He smiled widely hoping to win the approval of the dark vampire.

"Well, you have never let me down, Porter. Why start now?" He chuckled lightly. Angel walked over to Spike as she entered the room and kissed her on the forehead. "Hi, honey." Angel removed his jacket and neatly slung it over a chair.

"Where do you want us?" Angel asked enthusiastically as he looked back at his personal shopper.

Porter was speaking to his team of a man and woman who just arrived. He was pointing in a few directions leaving his orders with them. "Spike will go with Melinda into the bedroom and we can have you in the TV room Mr. Angel."

Angel turned to Spike. "Have fun." He smiled as a tall, olive skinned woman walked towards the bedroom pushing a clothing rack. Spike said nothing. She had no emotion playing upon her face. She reluctantly went to the bedroom.

After a few minutes, her anger began to rise. All she saw were dresses and skirts as far as the eye could see. Her shopper was perfectly polite, but was easily growing frustrated with Spike vetoing all the choices she suggested. Porter sneaked in to check their progress. "Everything peachy keen?" He said as he sashayed into the room. Melinda simply had a strained smile on her face.

Spike turned to Porter and with anger in her voice. "Thought we discussed this last time." Her hands were on her hips. "No frilly chick shit." She walked over to the rack and picked at the clothes carelessly. "I think dresses and skirts qualify as CHICK SHIT!" She yelled.

Porter attempted to reason with her. "These are some of the finest garments money can buy, Spike." He grew nervous as he saw the scowl on the blond vampire's face grow. He had explicit instructions from Angel what the proper attire was to be. He did not want to incur the wrath of the CEO. "I-If you look, I did not include too many pastels..."

Spike interrupted him. "I don't give a fuck if it's all black, I'm not wearin' this shit!" Spike received some satisfaction when their eyes went wide with panic. 'That's right. I'm the Big Bad!' She thought as she reveled in the smell of fear emanating from the two shoppers in front of her. The feeling was short-lived when she heard a voice behind her.

"Is there a problem?" Angel's voice was stern. Spike slowly turned around to face her Grandsire. She decided to be defiant.

"Yeah. 'M not wearin' any of this froo froo crap!" She smirked and chuckled to herself when she heard a quiet growl.

Angel turned to the shoppers. "Would you mind giving us a minute?" He said with a forced politeness. He waited until they closed the door after exiting. Yellow, angry eyes zoned in on Spike. She stood in the same place and stared right back at him. She folded her arms.

"You WILL wear these clothes, WILLIAM!" Angel was seething. He did not have time for these little distractions.

"'M not wearin' a dress! Those clothes are for birds!" She yelled back at him; she went into game face for a second but regained her composure.

"Last time I checked, Spike, you were a girl. You need to get over it! This is an important meeting and there are many functions we will attend."

"We?" Spike's anger continued to rise. "Glad to be asked IF I wanted to go to whatever the fuck is happenin' in Toronto. I'm not a damn' minion you can just order around!"

"Gee! I'm sorry I thought getting away together would be a nice thing! I just don't want you walking around there dressed like a hooker. We need to make a certain impression." Angel scowled.

Spike threw her hands in the air. "Listen to yourself, you fuckin' pillock! Impression? Jesus, you've really sold out haven't you?" She walked up to him and lightly poked him in the chest. "You're lovin' this power you have here at Evil Incorporated, eh? Wolfram and Hart bought you so damn easily with fancy offices and fancier cars. You're a king in your castle!" Her eyes narrowed and she hissed. "Feels good, doesn't it Angelus?" She started to brush him aside and walk towards the door. As she pushed his shoulder, suddenly, she had no time to react as she felt the sting of Angel backhanding her across the face. The force was so great that she was knocked to the floor. Her eyes were wide in shock as she reached up shakily as the palm of her hand rested on her left cheek. She felt her blood oozing from the corner of her mouth. She stared up at Angel who himself stood stunned as he looked upon his hand that hit the blond vampire.

"Oh, gods, Spike..." Angel shook his head in disbelief and started to inch his way towards her as he smelled her blood.

Spike frantically scooted backwards towards the wall. "Stay away form me..." She whimpered as continued to hold her hand on her bruising cheek. As Angel moved nearer to her, she eyed him intently. "I swear it, don't come any closer."

Angel's face was sorrowful as his eyes teared. "I'm so sorry, Little One. I don't know what came over me..." He trailed off. His heart fell as he saw her turn away from him. Her little body was plastered in the corner and her face was covered with her long locks. He noticed her slightly shaking. "Spike, talk to me." He begged. He received no response from her for some time. After awhile, Angel left the room.

"Mr. Angel?" Porter asked as his boss entered the TV room.

The dark vampire sighed. "Leave the clothes up here for now. I will call later." He rubbed his eyes. "Thanks for your work."

"Yes, sir. I wish you happy traveling tomorrow. Please take whatever you need. We will discuss the bill later, sir." The shopper quickly left the penthouse.

The dark vampire looked back towards the bedroom, but he did not go back in. He decided to give Spike time and hopefully he could apologize later. He walked over to the couch and sat down heavily. He placed his weary head in his hands. His stomach fluttered with the realization that he was ruining his chance with Spike. A lone tear escaped his eye. He felt the weight of so much on his shoulders. He was drowning.

After a few hours, Spike left the bedroom. She was nervous to see Angel, but she needed to feed. The blond vampire sensed that Angel was still in the penthouse, but she did not care. She quickly walked to the kitchen to prepare her mug. She purposely ignored Angel in the adjacent room. As she stood by the microwave, she heard Angel enter the kitchen.

"Spike?" Angel's voice was quiet and full of sadness. Spike turned around after retrieving her mug. Her eyes were cold as she sipped from her mug. "Can I talk with you?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Whatever." She answered flatly. She followed him into the TV room and sat on the opposite side of the couch from him. She placed her mug down and clasped her hands together to keep them from shaking. Her composure seemed steely externally; inside she was screaming.

The dark vampire looked upon her with sorrowful eyes. "I'm so sorry...about what happened. I never want to hurt you..."

Spike's resolve crumbled slightly as she turned her eyes towards him. "I don't understand what's happenin' to you. You're scaring me, Angel..." She lowered her head as she bit her lower lip.

Angel took a chance and moved closer to her. He gently touched her hand. "I'm so sorry, Spike." He placed his hand under her chin and lifted it up. "I need you to trust me. Everything will be fine. I promise." His eyes seemed so sincere. Spike wanted so much to believe him, but it was becoming increasingly hard. Angel sensed the inner conflict within his Grandchilde. After some time, he moved closer to her and sighed with happiness when he felt her move into his embrace. Her petite body now sat on his lap. Her head was buried into his neck as she breathed in the unique scent of Angel. He heard her whimper as she licked his neck. "Go ahead, Little One." He whispered as he gave her permission to feed from him. He felt her face shift and his breath caught as he felt the intrusion of her fangs into his neck. After a few minutes of feeding, Spike sat up slightly to face Angel. The dark vampire stroked her long hair gently as they gazed at each other.

TBC...next chapter: Toronto


	17. Chapter 17

Warning: Language; the Angst continues. Thanks to all who review...

Chapter 17

Spike awoke the next morning in their bed. She sat up slowly as she realized Angel was not along side her. The dark vampire strode into the room, fully dressed talking on his cell phone.

"Okay, Harmony. Did you arrange the car? Yes? Alright then. Wesley is in charge while I'm gone." He growled in frustration over the ditzy blond assistant after ending the call. "Morning, Spike." Angel smiled. "You were sleeping like the dead this morning."

"I am dead, you berk." The blond vampire said playfully as she stretched her arms over her head.

"Listen. The limo will be here in an hour to take us to the airport." He motioned towards the closet. "There's a bag next to the closet for some of your clothes." Angel walked up to her and kissed her gently. "Okay?"

Spike pursed her lips a bit. "Sure." She said quietly as she stood to pack some things. She chose her most tasteful clothes, recalling the conversation she had with Angel the previous night. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the clothes the shopper had chosen, but she ignored them. Angel did not mention them, so she wasn't going to bother for the time being. After she was satisfied with her choices, she quickly showered, fed, and then met Angel at the elevator.

* * *

The limo ride to the airport held very little conversation between the two vampires. Angel spent the time arguing with various persons at the Firm via his cell phone. Spike did not mind. Her mood had turned rather sullen. She could not ignore the gnawing feeling she had in her gut. She felt nervous to be accompanying Angel to Toronto. Part of her was still hurt over recent events and admittedly a bit scared as well. She wanted so much to believe him; he asked her to trust him that everything would work out. He seemed so sincere when he begged for her forgiveness last night. Yet, with all his words of remorse, he still did not divulge his reasons for his behavior. At every turn, he deflected her questions and concerns. Spike was not sure how much more she could take. She sighed as she turned her head slightly towards him. He was arguing some point with Wesley. As she returned to viewing the daytime LA through necrotempered glass, she only hoped that they could try to reconnect while on the trip.

* * *

As the two buckled themselves into the lush seats on the private jet, Angel could sense Spike's nerves building. 

"You okay, honey?" He asked with genuine concern. "You're awfully quiet."

She turned to him across the small aisle, her blue eyes watching him. "Yeah." She dropped her head. "Bit nervous 'bout flyin', I'd wager. First time and all." She attempted a small smile.

Angel chuckled. "Hey, I've only flown in the helicopter. So technically, it's my first time too." He turned to face forward as he rested his head back on the chair. "We'll be okay." He sighed a bit nervously.

Spike snorted. "And if this flying rocket decides to burst into flames, then we'll dust so quickly, we won't even know it." She said as she rolled her eyes and stared outside.

"Come on, Spike..." Angel laughed a bit breaking the tension in the cabin. Spike soon joined as she giggled and turned towards him. Angel grabbed her hand across the aisle. "It feels like so long since we've just laughed."

"I know." Spike answered as she focused on Angel. She closed her eyes as she felt the light touch of him stroking her hand.

"Things will get better." He said quietly to reassure her. Spike was unable to answer; the captain's voice broadcast over the speaker alerting the two to their imminent departure. The engine roared to life and as the plane began to slowly move, Spike's stomach fluttered. She fidgeted with her belt as the plane built up speed. As they finally lifted off, the two vampires grasped each other's hand tightly to support the other on their maiden voyage.

After feeling the plane level, Spike looked around. "Bugger this." She said loudly as motioned for the flight attendant. "Jack and coke, sweets." She said with a bright smile. "That'll calm me ol' nerves."

* * *

The vampires landed in Toronto in a little over an hour. Spike felt like kissing the ground of the jet hangar when they descended the stairs. Angel grabbed her petite hand as they slowly walked towards the waiting black stretch limo. A tall man in a black chauffeur's uniform waited by the car with the door opened. Spike watched his face closely. He had gaunt, pale features and a sinister look in his eyes. 

"Mr. Angel." He began in a low deep voice as he tipped his hat towards the dark vampire. "Welcome to Toronto."

Angel nodded his head and stepped back to allow Spike entry into the car first. As the blond vampire sat back, she marveled at how comfortable Angel seemed to be with all the jets, the limos, and the resources of Wolfram and Hart. When Spike was first resurrected, she noticed the difficulty the entire team had adjusting to working within the belly of the beast. Yet lately, Angel in particular had seemed to flourish in his role. And as he became more entrenched within his CEO duties, the more cruel and uncaring he had become. Spike now only saw glimpses of the Angel she thought she knew. Granted, Spike loved Angelus initially. For the twenty years the Fearsome Foursome paved a bloody destructive path throughout Europe, those were the memories imprinted in Spike's brain and heart for over a century. But since Spike was chipped and now ensouled, Angel is the one in Spike loved. In male or female form, Spike's feelings were the same. Unfortunately, she was not sure Angel shared that sentiment. There were some many times in the last few months that she nearly asked him. Each time, her fear of rejection silenced her. She was paralyzed with fear that Angel would stop caring. She felt she could not risk it.

Spike was shaken from her thoughts when the limo came to a complete stop and the door opened. Angel stepped out of the car and put his hand out for her. He continued to hold her hand as they walked towards the grand hotel. "A penny for your thoughts." Angel said quietly as he looked down at Spike lovingly.

Spike nearly begged for them to turn around and return to Los Angeles. She had a horrible feeling about being among all the CEO's of Wolfram and Hart. There was a pit in her stomach filled with impending doom. She tried to shake it away, but could not. As she looked around, she feared even admitting any of this for fear that THEY were listening. She sighed and looked at her Grandsire. "Nothin', pet. Jus' tired. Maybe I drank too much on the plane." She forced a smile upon her beautifully pale face.

"Let's get up to our room and you can rest." Angel smiled as they strode into the grand lobby.

* * *

When Angel opened the door to their suite, Spike could barely contain herself. 

"Wow, luv!" She said as she rushed into the vast room. It was decorated in a grand Victorian style but had modern touches like an enormous flat screen TV hanging from the wall. There was a full service bar in the corner with a large stainless steel refrigerator. Spike ran up to the shiny appliance and as she opened it, her mouth watered. The two top shelves were filled with human blood. Various other treats were in there as well.

"Human blood, pet!" She said enthusiastically as she reached for a container of O-negative and popped it into the microwave. She picked an assortment of chocolates and quickly undid the wrapper and devoured the sweet treat. Angel stood back and marveled at her enthusiasm as he followed the bellhops into the Master Suite. He tipped them generously and took in his surroundings. The bed was a colossal mahogany king size structure with beautiful red and gold fabrics adorning it. Just the thought of what he could potentially do with Spike on the bed had him semi hard. He decided to return to the other room.

Spike had already claimed a spot on the sofa in front if the TV. She nibbled on her chocolate as she sipped her blood. The two in combination was practically orgasmic. She turned to the dark vampire. "So what the hell are we supposed to do here anyway? And hey, I don't mind stayin' up in the room the whole time. They have more channels than even you." She smirked.

Angel shrugged his shoulders as he sat down on the couch with a folder in his hands. "Let me read the schedule of events." He sat silent for a time while he perused the official itinerary. After a few minutes, he spoke. "Tonight, there is a black tie reception in the grand ballroom."

Spike shoved a piece of chocolate in her mouth as she spoke. "Oh. Well, I'll just stay up here then."

"Why?" Angel responded.

"Black tie. None of my clothes are fancy enough." She snorted. "Too bad." She watched Angel as he stood and walked towards the bedroom.

"Well, good thing I brought some clothes for you." His answered nonchalantly. His attitude infuriated Spike. She stalked towards him.

"How dare you! When are ya gonna get it through that cro-magnon forehead of yours, that 'm not wearing that shit!" She pointed to the dress Angel held

"You don't have a choice in the matter, Spike." Angel said menacingly. "We will attend all the events properly attired." He paused for a moment as he stared down her yellow eyes. "Don't test me on this, Childe." Angel growled and it caused Spike to step back for a moment. She realized this was an argument that she would not win. How could he not understand how she felt?

"Fine!" She yelled as she walked into the Master bath and slammed the door shut in Angel's face. She pathetically shuffled towards the toilet seat and plopped down on it. She suddenly felt so tired as she let her head rest in her petite hands. Her long blond locks fell into her face. She roughly pushed them away. The blond vampire was not sure how much more she could take. She felt trapped. After some brooding time, she heard a knock on the door.

"Spike?" Angel said softly. "Open the door." She rolled her eyes because she knew he could easily break down the door if he wanted to. She took a deep breath and proceeded to let Angel in. She may have capitulated when it came to the dress, but she did not want to make it easy for him. She crossed her arms and turned her back to him when he walked in.

"I don't want to fight with you, Spike." Angel's voice was filled with sadness. "Spike?" He could not garner her attention. "Honey?" He watched as she stepped towards the large mirror in the room. Her body hit the vanity and she hardly noticed that she came to a stop. Her trembling hand was gently mapping her features as she realized she was staring at her reflection for the first time in 125 years. She stood stunned as she held up her hair and ran her finger over her features. Her eyes watered as she tried to speak. "H-How?"

Angel slowly stood behind her and placed his hands gently on her shoulders. He realized how affected by this Spike was. "The hotel, although it's in Toronto, is also on an interdimensional plane. There are some dimensions where we can see our reflection and even stand in the sun." He paused. "You are so beautiful, Little One." He said quietly in awe as he ran his hand down her arm. Spike closed her eyes at the light touch. A tear traveled down her sculpted cheek as she was turned towards him. Angel wiped the tear away and kissed her.

"Why don't we get ready, okay?" He asked as he led Spike towards the closet. She was too shocked to even put a fight. She quietly nodded. Angel looked at her blank expression and worried for a moment. 'She'll be fine.' He thought to himself.

* * *

The next few hours were spent in the grand ballroom. Spike looked stunning in a black strapless full length gown; Angel could barely contain himself. He wanted to take her back to the room and make love to her for hours. He felt a sense of pride at the admiring looks she received from almost everyone in the room. A side of him, though, had the desire to pummel any man who dared to ogle his Grandchilde. Angel glided through the reception networking with other CEO's. He seemed so comfortable in the environment. For her part, Spike stayed mostly silent all night. She barely touched her dinner and quickly grew bored listening to the business conversations that occurred. If Angel had noticed her quiet, saddened mood, he did not mention anything. 

Spike leaned up to whisper in Angel's ear and watched as he nodded his head. Spike slowly walked away towards the terrace. As she stood watching the lights of the city, she closed her eyes as she reveled in the fresh air. She could not reconcile the feelings she had within. To be surrounded by all this evil was so disconcerting. 'Why can't Angel see this?' She thought. 'He was really seduced by the dark side.' Her thoughts were interrupted by a man clearing his throat. She slowly turned to him and she thought for moment she recognized the handsome man.

"I was not sure if you would recall me, Spike." The tall, dark haired man walked towards her with his hand extended. "Julian May. CEO of the New York branch." His green eyes sparkled in the night.

"Oh, yes." She half smiled as she shook his hand. "You came to LA a few months back."

"Yes, I was quite intrigued with your Grandsire, Angelus." He paused as a waiter walked outside with a tray carrying champagne glasses. He nodded as he procured two glasses. He offered one to Spike and she reluctantly accepted it.

Her eyes squinted. "Actually, it's just Angel."

"Well, what's in a name?" He chuckled as he sipped his drink. "We've been quite impressed with his work. After we lost Holland Manners, we were never quite sure the LA branch could return to greatness. But, Angel has slipped into his role well." He walked closer to the veranda near Spike.

Spike eyed him suspiciously. "Is there a point to this, mate?" She nearly growled.

"Just making conversation, Spike. By the way, that is such an unusual name for such a beautiful woman." He smiled sweetly at her.

"Family name." She snorted and looked towards the door leading back inside.

"Look, thanks for the drink and all, but..."

"Yes, you need to return to Angel." His eyes twinkled. He reached into his coat pocket and brought out a card. He handed it to Spike. "If you ever need anything. Do not hesitate to call. We are all one happy Wolfram and Hart family." Spike took the card quickly to get him off her back. She stuffed it into the small clutch purse she held and nodded her thanks and walked back inside. She scanned the room quickly to find Angel. She wanted to tell him that she was to retire for the night. She wanted the opportunity to talk with him about how she was feeling and perhaps convince him to leave with her.

Angel stood surrounded by other CEO's. They discussed business strategies and how to dealing with warring clans to maximize the profit for the Firm.

"So, Angel." The Chicago CEO slapped his hand on the dark vampire's shoulder. "Your woman sure is a looker." The other men nodded their heads in agreement. "And so compliant. She sat through dinner and barely spoke the entire time. How do you do it?" He laughed as the others joined in. "I can't get my wife to shut up! That's why I love my mistress!" He looked around at the others. "Right boys?" He chuckled as he downed his whiskey. "So, is she your wife or..." He salivated at the thought. "You brought your mistress to this?" Angel stared blank faced at the man. "We've heard you are somewhat unorthodox. I've got to admire your balls, man."

Angel finally spoke as he sipped his drink. "She's not my mistress." The men looked disappointed. Angel smirked. "She's loud enough when it's convenient. She's a hellion between the sheets, boys." He chuckled but then stopped when he heard a small gasp. He slowly turned around to see Spike standing there. She did not look shocked; she simply had no emotion on her face.

She spoke quietly. "I'm leaving, Angel." With that statement, she nodded her head and walked slowly towards the elevator. She shakily pressed the button to her floor before allowing Angel's statement to sink in. 'Convenient.' She bit her lip as she stifled a sob. She stood in the middle of their vast suite and had never felt so alone in her life and unlife. She went over to the closet and brought out her luggage and lowered herself down to her knees. She unzipped the small side compartment and brought out two garments. It was a black t-shirt and black jeans. She didn't know why she carried it with her. The clothes did not fit since her change. She stared longingly at them as she stroked the denim. 'This will end, tonight.' She said as she went to her drawer and began to remove her clothes. She hurriedly stuffed them into her suitcase. She knew the minute Angel neared the room. She felt his presence. She kept her back towards him and he moved closer.

"Spike..." Angel started.

"No. Don't Angel." The lack of emotion in her voice scared Angel. He looked on the bed and saw her clothes in her suitcase. "What are you...?"

"I told you I was leaving." Angel's eyes were confused. "It's done. I-I can't do this anymore." She fought to keep her voice steady. She refused to cry. She did not even know if she had any tears left.

"I tried...I really did." She began as her chin trembled. "You wanted more time. For what Angel? To continue breaking my heart? You have been so cruel to me

and I've taken it, just like I've always taken it. From everybody. " Angel stood silent as Spike paced. "Maybe it's me, you know? Everyone I love shits on me. Cecily, Dru, you, Buffy..." She brushed a lock out of her face. "Maybe I'm the problem..." She hung her head.

Angel's eyes watered. "Listen to me, don't do this..."

"Fuck you, Angel! I'm done listen' to you! I tried so hard. I've asked you to talk to me, tell me what's goin' on, and you won't. Instead you abuse me!" She took a deep breath as she turned towards the window. "I promised myself after what happened with Buffy that I would never let myself be used and abused again. Never to be 'convenient' EVER again." Angel's eyes were wide with that particular revelation. He never knew what exactly happened between Spike and Buffy. The blond vampire shook her head. "Guess I was wrong." She turned to look at Angel and he nearly died when he saw the pain reflected in her eyes. "I've loved you since I was turned, Sire. Didn't matter that we were both men, I wanted you more than I wanted Dru. I didn't care what kind of attention you gave me, I just wanted to know that you saw me." She laughed bitterly. "How fucked up is that?"

"I cared for you too. I still do." Angel practically begged.

"Don't LIE, you bastard. I deserve better than that." Her eyes flashed yellow.

"I'm not lying, Will." He pleaded with her.

"You proved to me at every turn that I wasn't good enough for you. For anybody. I didn't wish this on myself..." She pointed to her now female body. "But, you know what I thought after awhile?" She paused. "That maybe you could love me like this. It would be more acceptable to those around you. Right, Sire? You always cared for your little blond birds, didn't you Angelus? Darla. Buffy. Nina. But, it still wasn't enough, was it? I was so desperate for your love and acceptance that I stopped looking for a reversal. DID YOU EVER REALIZE THAT? DID YOU EVER THINK HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME LIKE THIS?" Angel stood speechless.

"No, you didn't. You focused on playing the big hero when I was sick and molding me into the perfect 'convenient' companion. You never once thought how I felt. I'M A MAN, ANGELUS! But, you wanted me as a woman." She looked down at her attire. With one movement, she ripped the designer dress from her body and flung it in Angel's face. She stood there in her undergarments.

"I didn't want to wear any of this, yet you forced me to so you could make a good 'impression' on Wolfram and Hart. Did you enjoy parading me around like a whore? Did I make a good showing for you? Well, I hoped it worked, you bastard. Enjoy your walk on the dark side, Angel. I hope it's all worth it!"

Angel could not bare his shame for much longer. He turned to her and said, "Let me explain, please."

"No. Don't you dare. You had your chances. I just don't care anymore." Her voice was so defeated as she looked anywhere but at Angel.

"Spike, please." He tried to touch her shoulder.

"Get out, Angel." She said as she clenched her fists. When Angel did not move, she repeated. "GET OUT! Please..." She whimpered.

The dark vampire hesitated but eventually complied. As he walked out of the suite, he stood in the hallway as the tears flowed. "What have I done?"

* * *

Spike stood for a time and suddenly felt weak and she fell to her knees sobbing. Her heart shattered into a million pieces. 

She sniffed and tried to speak. She repeated over and over again, "Halfrek, I beseech thee. In the name of all people scorned, come before me." She did not receive a response. She was desperate. "Hallie, p-please..."

"You rang, Willaim?" She began cheerfully but her mood darkened when she saw the state of the blond vampire. Even the evil creature felt a pang of sympathy for Spike. "William?"

Spike looked up with tear streaked eyes. "Hallie...please change me back..."

"I would love to but..."

"I tried...I really did." The blond vampire pleaded as she sniffed and wiped her face.

The brunette smiled. "I don't have a lot of options."

Spike thought to herself as she glanced at the clock that read 4 am. 'There is always one more option.' Halfrek noticed this gesture and her eyes widened.

"Don't do anything rash, William. I'll see what I can do. Alright? Toodles!" She waved her hands in her usual grand gesture and disappeared leaving Spike alone on the room. She struggled to stand up and walked catatonic like to the bathroom. She took a quick shower and admittedly felt better. She sat on the bed dressed, with her suitcase by her side. She needed to leave Toronto. Her destination: unknown. She ruled out using Angel's plane. She sat for a moment in thought. She grabbed her purse and brought a card out. She stared at it for some time. Finally, she got up and walked to the phone. She dialed the operator and waited.

"Yes. Julian May's room, please."

TBC...


	18. Chapter 18

AN: Thanks for the continued feedback...I had a bit of trouble posting last night...sorry for the mix up!

Chapter 18

Spike stood again in front of the mirror. She took a deep unneeded breath as she contemplated what she was about to do. The blond vampire was pragmatic enough to realize that she did not have a lot of options. Spike had no money and she needed to leave Toronto quickly; but she did not want to call back to LA for help. As much as she felt that the members of the Fang Gang were her friends, they would certainly inform Angel of her plans. She was on her own.

She stared at her face for some time. She attempted to memorize every line and every feature of her new visage. It would likely be another 125 years, if ever, before she would see her reflection again. And if she never returned to her previous form, she wanted to remember what she looked like.

Spike stomach fluttered as she had to acknowledge to herself what she was willing to do to leave this town. Her arm reached over to peruse the free cosmetics the hotel made available to the patrons. She grabbed a tube of lipstick and opened it. 'Good thing I did Dru's makeup for so long' she thought to herself as she slowly painted her luscious lips a red hue. She reached for a hairbrush and methodically primped her long blond wavy locks. She took another deep breath as she looked at the results. She forced a smile to her face; but it did not last long. 'I can get through this.' She thought. 'I've been through worse.' She scowled into the mirror and found herself chuckling slightly at the image.

She spoke aloud. "Don't want to scare him off, Spike. Might go for the demure approach." She saddened her eyes. "That'll work. Not like I'll be fakin' that." She dropped her head for a moment but forced herself to look up again. She thought back to all the heartbreak she had endured. Angelus left without a word. Drusilla broke up with him. Twice. And Buffy? Well, that was over before it began. The Slayer made sure of it. "You're walkin' away this time." Spike said with pride and this caused a genuine smile on her face. Things would get better. She nodded her head and turned around. She grabbed her suitcase, took one last look at the room, and left.

* * *

She walked slowly towards Julian May's room. She kept telling herself how bad of an idea this was, but she had no other alternative. As she raised her hand to knock on the door, she had to steady it to keep it from shaking. When there was no answer immediately, she began to turn away. Suddenly the door opened and there he stood. Julian was an extremely handsome man. The Immortal stood over six feet tall; his skin was well tanned which caused his green eyes to stand out immensely. His hair was impeccably coiffed and was dark in color. He smiled warmly. "Come in, Spike." He said as he stepped aside to allow her to enter his suite. She hesitated for a moment but then walked in. 

"Why don't I get that for you?" He said after he closed the door. He walked up to Spike and took her suitcase from her and placed it by the door. "Shall we have a seat?" He asked as he gestured towards the sofa. Spike nodded and took a seat. They sat in uncomfortable silence for a few moments. "So. Spike. I was certainly shocked to get your call." He continued when Spike raised her eyebrow. "Shocked, but pleasantly surprised." He smiled widely as he stared at her. Spike fidgeted in her seat. He made her extremely nervous.

"Yeah. Well. 'M sorry to bother you and all..." She dropped her head.

"Well, it's not a bother. How can I help?"

"Well, you talked about the Wolfram and Hart family, so I figured I could ask a favor. You know, with me being part of said family...in a way." She shifted again as his unrelenting gaze continued to bore into her. "Well, if you have access to a plane, I need to leave Toronto tonight." She sat back a bit while she awaited a response.

Julian's eyes widened slightly, he was obviously surprised at her request. "And what of your Grandsire? Certainly he could accommodate your request." He watched as she turned away and stood abruptly.

"You know what?" Spike said as her eyes watered. "I made a mistake coming here." She turned quickly and scurried towards the door. As she reached down to grab her suitcase, she felt Julian grasp her arm.

"Wait, Spike!" He said as he placed her luggage down. "I did not say I would not help you." He gently continued to hold her as he led her back to the sofa. "I was simply surprised that you would ask me." They sat back down. He sat for a moment mesmerized by her beauty. Her eyes appeared so sad and lost. "It is probably none of my business what transpired between you and Angel."

"That's right." She said quietly as she looked intently at the sparkling green eyes.

"It must have been terrible if you were willing to come to a stranger for help." He watched as Spike turned her head away again. The emotional wall she had built prior to coming in the room was slowly crumbling.

"I can help you, William." He responded as Spike looked at him, eyes wide with shock at the use of her given name.

"How did you..." She said as she sat perplexed.

"This is Wolfram and Hart, Spike." He said without malice in his voice. "We know many things about Angel and his family." He paused as he gazed upon her face again. He reached up and stroked her cheek and was happy to see that Spike did not withdraw from the touch. "I bet you are just as beautiful as a man," He said quietly as he wiped a tear that was forming in her azure colored eye.

He leaned in and captured her lips in a soft kiss. For a moment, Spike was nearly lost in the warmth of Julian's touch. She slowly broke the kiss and whispered as she opened her eyes. "No...please...'M sorry. I can't do this." She said as she looked at him sadly. "I can't sleep with you..." She trailed off and stood. Julian followed suit.

"I won't ask that of you, Spike." He said with small smile. He walked over to the phone and dialed. "Yes, Johnson. Mr. May here. Please ready my jet to leave within the hour. A Ms. Spike will be the passenger...She will inform you of her destination...Take her anywhere she wants to go...Is that clear...Okay, then." He hung up the phone. He joined a dumbfounded Spike near the door.

"Why are you helping me?" Spike was a bit suspicious. "I mean, no offense. But you're evil." She said with a slight grin.

Julian chuckled. "Maybe. But, perhaps this is my good deed for the century. When you've lived as long as I have, on occasion I will do something nice." He opened the door. "Shall we?" He gestured for her to walk through. "Allow me to walk you to the lobby. There are many cars available that can take you to the plane."

"Thanks, mate." Spike said with some hope in her voice.

"And Spike? Keep my card. If I can do anything else to help, let me know."

"I will." She smiled as they walked towards the elevator.

TBC...


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

After a few hours of brooding, Angel decided to return to the suite and finally talk to Spike. He wanted to explain his behavior and the difficult choices he has had to make over the last few months. He took a deep unneeded breath as he opened the door. He flipped the lights on. "Spike?" He said as he looked around. There was still a faint smell of her, so he knew she had been there recently. He saw the open closet and noticed her suitcase was gone. On the floor were the dresses he had brought for her. He saw the open drawers that contained her clothes were empty. His heart sank. "Spike." He whispered as the anger with himself began to build. He rushed out of the room down to the lobby.

He stormed up to front desk. A stout, older gentleman was behind the counter. "Yes, Mr. Angel?" He said with a smile.

The dark vampire began, "My...girlfriend left the room and I need to know where she went. Did you see her leave? She's about 5 ft 2 inches, long wavy blond hair, and blue eyes."

"Well, sir, forgive me. Many people fit that description. Could you be a bit more specific?"

Angel was losing patience. "Look," he hissed as his eyes burned yellow and he flashed some fang, "don't you have surveillance cameras?" The now scared hotel worker nodded. "I want to see them, alright?"

"Y-Yes, sir. R-Right a-away." He stumbled back from the counter. "Follow me." The petrified worker led Angel to the security area two floors below.

They explained the situation and Angel began reviewing the tapes from the last few hours. Suddenly, he said to the security guard, "STOP! Rewind that and play slowly." He saw on the screen that Spike was holding her luggage and was being escorted out of the lobby by Julian May. Angel stood immediately and hurried back to the lobby.

When the hotel worker saw the crazed vampire barreling towards him again, he stood back for a moment.

His voice shook. "Everything satisfactory, Mr. Angel?"

Angel was teetering on the edge of releasing Angelus. "Julian May's room number." He spit out between clenched teeth. The worker hesitated but obliged.

"Room 3325, sir." He breathed a sigh of relief when Angel left.

Julian stood from the couch when he heard the loud banging on his door. He smirked because he knew who was the source of the noise. He opened the door and leaned against it as he observed the angry vampire. "Angel. Or is it Angelus?" He said sarcastically with sparkling eyes.

"Where is she?" Angel hissed as he stayed in place. He knew it was a public building, yet he did not force his way across the threshold.

"Who?" Julian answered innocently as he looked around.

Angel walked into the suite and purposefully brushed Julian. He turned around to face the Immortal. "Don't play games with me, May. I want to know what you did with Spike." He said menacingly as he watched Julian calmly walk towards the couch and sit. Julian crossed his legs and smiled.

"What makes you think I did anything to her?" He feigned confusion.

"Cut the shit. I saw the surveillance tapes." Angel stood defiantly.

"Well," Julian began as he stood and glided across the room. "You're Grandchilde came to me freely for aid." He stopped for a moment as he observed the trembling, clenched cheeks of the dark vampire. "She required a mode of transport to depart Toronto."

"So, you helped her." Angel's eyes squinted.

"Well, of course. She is a member of the Wolfram and Hart family. And that is what we do." He smiled widely as he slightly tilted his head. "She was very distraught and clearly needed a shoulder to cry on." He smirked evilly. "I was hard pressed not to help such a fragile, vulnerable creature."

"If you hurt or touched her in any way..." Angel warned as he stepped closer to the Immortal figure.

"Well, I admit I only had a little bit of a taste..." His statement was interrupted as he felt the dark vampire's fist connect headily with his face. He laughed as he touched his hand to his cheek. "You know you cannot hurt me, vampire." He said in a more serious tone. "I can understand how your William inspires such a reaction." If the use of Spike's true name affected Angel, the lack of reaction on his face failed to reveal this. "If you are frustrated with yourself, I hardly think it fair to punish the person who helped her." The underlying smirk returned. "She did not divulge anything that transpired prior to coming to me, but I clearly aided a beautiful woman who needed to escape a dire situation." Angel bowed his head for a moment.

"And you helped her out of the 'goodness' of your heart." Angel responded sarcastically. "Why should I even trust you to tell the truth? You're evil."

Julian chuckled. "Last time I checked, Angel, we both work for the same organization." Julian squinted his eyes as he started to pace with his arms behind his back. "When we last met, I believe I called you an anomaly. My assessment of you has not changed. I know you were a 'do-gooder' prior to coming to our hallowed firm. It is quite interesting how well you have adapted to our big pond. Your branch is still a top performer. So, before you attempt to label me as evil, I would take a look in the mirror...well, metaphorically of course." He chuckled again as he paused. "No, Angel. It is you I do not trust. You are conflicted, and that can only spell trouble for the firm. But, the senior partners look upon you as the Golden Boy of the moment. So who I am to doubt them, hmm?"

"Are you finished?" Angel hissed as he walked closer to the Immortal. "I want to know where she is, May."

"My instructions to my pilot was to take her to the destination of her choice. Of course, I can and probably will know where she went, but why would I share that information?" His eyes sparkled with glee. "That wouldn't be sporty."

Angel's anger continued to build. "You have no chance with her. She would never be with you."

"Likely. Yet, she does not seem to be by your side either, is she?" Julian slowly walked towards the door as he continued to talk. "She does not want to be found by you, Angel. That, was extremely clear." He paused to open the door. "Well, I believe this conversation is over. I guess I'll see you in the corporate stress management seminar in the am?" Angel glared at him as he walked out. The door closed softly leaving Angel standing in the hall.

He slowly walked back to his room and proceeded to sit on the bed. 'I just needed a little more time, Spike.' Angel thought as he felt his heart breaking.

* * *

Spike found that flying the second time was not nearly as traumatic as her maiden voyage. As she sat in a Wolfram and Hart limo, she leaned forward and pressed the button. A voice came on over the speaker. "Yes, Ma'am?" 

"Yeah, you can let me off here."

"Yes, Ma'am." The voice answered as the car slowly came to a stop. Spike stepped out of the car into the cool night. She grabbed her suitcase and entered the building in front of her. She walked slowly towards the lobby desk. She turned back briefly to see the car had pulled away. She went off to the side to wait. After about 30 minutes, she exited the building and made her way to her real destination. After about 20 minutes of walking she reached her goal: Wolfram and Hart. She quickly traversed the lobby and pushed the up button on the elevator. She was happy she returned at night; there would be less people around to notice her presence. She needed to take care of matters expeditiously. She went into the bedroom she and Angel shared and packed a few more clothes in her suitcase. She opened the closet to find her beloved duster. She slipped on the leather that she had not felt in so many months. She sighed as the scent of the coat filled her senses. Spike returned to the main room and stopped at Angel's desk. She brought out some pen and paper and quickly wrote notes to Lorne, Fred, Wesley, Gunn, and finally to Angel. She carried the letter intended for the dark vampire back over to the walk-in closet. There was a special drawer that Angel kept money in. She opened it and found nearly six thousand dollars hidden there. She placed the note in it after taking the cash. She grabbed her suitcase and the letters and returned to the lobby. She dropped the letters in interoffice mail and made her way outside. After walking a few blocks, she hailed a cab. At one point, she thought to take one of Angel's cars, but she did not want to traced in any way. She gave instructions for her destination to the cabbie. Upon her arrival, she paid for a single room and tiredly fell into bed.

* * *

Spike did not awake until the evening beckoned to the vampire senses. The blond vampire sat up and realized how uncomfortable her shirt was. 

"Fuck, did this thing shrink?" Spike said as her fingers attempted to adjust the garment. "Hold on a 'mo..." Spike's hand flew to his throat as he looked down to see his former body. Spike jumped out of bed and howled in delight. "Ta, Hallie!" He screamed to the ceiling as he reveled in the feel of his own body again. His hand traveled to his penis and as Spike cupped it he said, "Missed ya 'ol friend!" He exclaimed as he struggled to remove the shirt he was wearing. He tore the t-shirt and jeans off and walked over to his bag and pulled out his black on black ensemble that was his trademark. He smiled as he slipped into his jeans and shirt. He then proceeded to grab his trusty duster and slowly placed it on. He sighed at the fit. He sat back on the bed and made a few phone calls. When he was satisfied with his plans, he reached into the suitcase and grabbed the money. He stuffed the green bills into his pocket as he made his way down to the lobby. As he exited into the Los Angeles night, he smiled. He hailed a cab and drove off to begin a new chapter in his unlife.

* * *

The next day, Angel returned to the offices of Wolfram and Hart. He could not concentrate on the meetings in Toronto when he was so distraught over Spike. He knew there could be consequences to leaving early; frankly at this point, he did not care. He was determined to use all his resources to find her; plans be damned. He had to explain to her why he had acted so strangely and that he loved her with every fiber of his being. As he opened the door to the penthouse, he was hopeful initially when he smelled her. At least she had been there recently. He walked around to try to find any clues to where she had gone. He saw the light on in the closet and his secret drawer slightly opened. As he peered into it, he saw a letter addressed in Spike's flowing, poetic handwriting: To Angel. The dark vampire's hands shook as he opened the envelope that he recognized as his own. 

_'Angel,_

_Or is it Angelus? I think I said what I needed to in Toronto. Obviously I have taken the money from your secret stash. Let's just say it was for services rendered. Job well done, eh? _

_Will'_

The words of the letter started to blur as Angel's unchecked tears fell onto the ink. "Oh, God, Will..." Angel cried as he fell to his knees as the realization hit that he had lost Spike.

TBC...


	20. Chapter 20

AN: Thanks for the reviews...just a couple more to reach 100!

Chapter 20

_8 months later..._

Angel walked down the streets of London in the late afternoon. Luckily there was so much cloud cover, that Angel was in no danger from the sun. To be safe, he did carry a blanket with him in the small bag that had been his constant companion for the last few months. He looked around at the people and smelled the air. This was certainly not the London he remembered. It had been over a century since his family was chased out of London because of Spike's exploits. '_Spike._' Angel thought sadly. His heart ached whenever he stopped to allow himself to think of his Grandchilde. It was easier to focus on finding her. This kept his brain busy. It was at night, that he allowed the emptiness in his heart to overwhelm him at the thought of her and how he treated her. Angel would not give up the search.

He stopped in front of the mammoth, gray stone centuries old structure for a moment. He reached into his pocket to confirm the address. He looked for a sign indicating that he was in the right place, but there was none. He slowly made his way through a grand archway and entered the building. He looked around and saw a directory on the wall. He found his destination and proceeded up the elevator.

When he exited, he saw many people bustling around. He walked up to a secretary who was engrossed in her work. He cleared his throat to get her attention.

"Oh, I am sorry." The gray haired middle aged woman answered. "May I help you?"

Angel attempted to smile. "My name is Angel and I'm here to see..."

She stood immediately. "Yes, Mr. Angel. She is expecting you. Please follow me." Angel waited as she came around her desk and led him down a well lit corridor. Finally, they reached their destination. She knocked lightly on the door. "Go on in." She said quietly as she left him to walk through.

The large office was decorated in mahogany furniture and had large windows on three sides. On the shelf were many pictures both past and present. He heard a noise coming from a side room and turned to it. A woman yelped when she stepped out and saw him. She rushed over to the dark vampire. "Oh my Gods, Angel, you scared me!" She said as she embraced him.

"Um, hello, Buffy." Angel answered as he stiffly returning the gesture. The Slayer picked up on Angel's body language and as she stepped back she looked worriedly at him. She noticed how gaunt his face was and how thin he appeared.

"What's wrong, Angel?" She asked with concern.

"Well, I'm just surprised at your greeting. You seem happy to see me." He paused. "Not that long ago, you thought I was evil and did not want my help with the Dana situation."

"I know." The Slayer responded. "But things change, don't they? Do you want to talk about it? Is that why you came here?"

Angel shook his head. "I was here in London, and I heard whispers that the Watcher's Council opened up again. I was taking a chance to see if you here." He sighed. "I wanted to see how you were. Last I heard, you were in Rome."

Buffy sat down behind her desk. "Yeah, I was in Rome for a time. I was happy for a time. I got to live the 'normal life' for awhile. But, I think I had an identity crisis. I know I sometimes bitched about being the only Chosen one, but after Willow's spell in Sunnydale, I was no longer special." She chuckled bitterly as she removed a long blond lock from her face. "I know, what a brat , huh? I finally got what I wanted, but it did not suit me. I missed helping people. I missed the crunch, the rush I got. It made me feel alive." She paused as she heard Angel chuckle. "What?"

Angel smiled sadly as he took a seat on the couch in front of Buffy's desk. "I've heard those words before." Buffy watched Angel as he looked to be caught in his memories. He definitely was changed from the last time she saw him. Not only was his appearance slightly altered, but he seemed more sad than she had ever seen him before.

"Anyway, I tired of Rome after a few months. Dawn stayed behind and attends University there. She is happy." Buffy smiled. "Giles found money that the Council had stashed away, and he bought this building and reformed the group. And bonus! I'm a paid employee. There are so many Slayers to train now. We educate them here in regular school work and in their enhanced abilities."

"That's great, Buffy." Angel was genuinely happy for her. "How are the others?"

"Well, Will is our head witch of course. She is way powerful and has learned to control her magic. Xander goes around the world finding new Slayers. His home base is in Cleveland with Faith and her boyfriend Robin Wood." She saw Angel raise his eyebrow. "Cleveland is home to another Hellmouth. I think he likes the travel and such; it keeps his mind off of his girlfriend Anya. She died in the Final Battle with the First." She saw Angel drop his head as his thoughts returned to Spike. He wanted to change the subject.

"You seem happy, Buffy. I'm glad." He said sincerely.

"I am. A-And…well…I'm going to be married." Angel's eyes widened a bit in surprise. Not because he still loved her, but he thought she would never live long enough to see her wedding day.

"That's great, Buffy." Angel said as she saw the Slayer get up and join him on the couch. She showed him her engagement ring. "Very beautiful. Who is he?"

"Well, his name is Alex. We met a year ago." She said as excited as a school- girl. "He's a rogue demon hunter and now a part-time Watcher. We're getting married in 2 months." She paused as she looked down for a moment. "I hope you will come to our wedding. It's an evening ceremony, so hey, no burning!"

She laughed, but Angel did not join in the revelry. "Enough about me, what brings you to London?"

Angel stood up and paced the room. He ran his hands through his hair. He wanted to ask her where Spike was, but for some reason he was scared to. He had searched for the blond vampire for 4 months and he had no leads.

"Angel, you can ask me anything."

He looked at her with pained eyes. "I'm looking for Spike." He said quietly as he waited to see some expression on her face; there was none. He was not even sure she knew he was resurrected. He kept talking. "I've been looking for months and I need to see Spike. I really fucked up and…" He trailed off when he realized that Buffy still hadn't said a word. "Spike means so much to me and I don't think I can ever get another chance. I've looked so many places." Angel sounded desperate as he allowed his emotions to show. Buffy looked stunned by his revelations.

"Angel, I don't know what to say." Buffy looked surprised as she stood up. She stood in silence as she watched the dark vampire sit down again and placed his head in his hands.

Angel looked up at Buffy. "Did you know Spike came back from the dead?"

The Slayer continued to appear tongue-tied. Her eyes watered slightly. Her head turned suddenly when a young man barged into her office.

"Buffy!" The foppish, blond hair boy screamed as he walked towards her.

"What is Andrew?" Buffy said in an annoyed tone. He handed her some papers. "Spike said that you better get down to the gymnasium before he strangles Meghan's…what was his words" He paused while looking up. "He said he'll wring her scrawny, bloody little girly neck…yeah, that's it!" He backed off at the exasperated look on her face.

"What?" He said as he turned to see Angel sitting on the couch. The dark vampire sat with wide eyes and his mouth was open. "Oh." Andrew said as he scowled. "What are YOU doing here?" He said petulantly as he crossed his arms.

Buffy turned to Andrew. "Get out, Andrew."

"What?" He said surprised.

"Leave, Andrew. And keep your mouth shut for now." She practically growled.

"Fine." Andrew pouted as he stomped out of the office. The Slayer slowly turned to a dumfounded Angel.

AN: FOR STORY PURPOSES: Episode 'The Girl I Question' never really happened and 'Damage' happened in between Destiny and Spike changing into a woman...minus the hands being cut off..'You're Welcome' happened before Spike's change as well...

TBC…


	21. Chapter 21

AN: Thank you for all the continued reviews...they really motivate me to write faster!

Chapter 21

Angel stood from the couch and stared at Buffy in utter disbelief. "Buffy?" He said in a confused, hurt voice. As the Slayer looked away, Angel's anger started to build. He walked closer to her. "You knew?" He paused. "After all I just said, you knew that Spike was here and you were not going to say anything?" His eyes flashed yellow. "If the boy hadn't come through that door..." He trailed off to calm himself down.

"Angel..." She said quietly, not wanting to invoke a more rabid response from the upset vampire.

"What gives you the right, Buffy? And after the way you treated him..." Angel's eyes squinted.

"WHOA!" The Slayer yelled and practically adopted a fighting stance. "Hold it right there, Angel. I think you are way out of line here." She placed her hands on her hips. "First of all, last time I checked in on you two, you HATED his guts! Or do I need to remind you how you warned me to stay away from Spike right before the big Battle?" She angrily brushed a lock away from her face. "Secondly, Spike has been here for SIX months. He didn't WANT to be found." Her voice lowered when she spoke again with a bit of venom in her voice. "And thirdly, Angel. I wouldn't throw stones if I were you." She paused as she watched him practically collapse onto the sofa. She stared at the distraught vampire until he spoke. Her anger dissipated.

"I'm sorry, Buffy. I was out of line." He looked up at his former love with tear filled eyes. "How did you find Spike?"

"Well, I didn't as much find him, as run into him." She laughed at the memory. "About six months ago, I went on patrol with a few of the new Slayers. We were cleaning out a standard vamps nest and I heard some commotion in the crypt. Next thing I knew, Spike was standing there dusting a few fledges." She shook her head. "I thought I was seeing a ghost at first! When I realized he was real, I started balling like a baby." She looked directly at Angel. "I'm sure Spike gave you the highlights of our 'relationship.' " Angel nodded. "Yeah, I'm not proud of all of it, but I do care for him. I never gave him a chance." She paused as she collected her thoughts. "When I met you Angel, you were good. The vampire with a Soul, atoning for his sins. On the other hand, Spike was always trying to kill me when we first met. So when he claimed to have been reformed, how could I believe that he could love me without a Soul? But, I think we both know that we are all capable of loving and hurting people with a Soul." Buffy paused as they both pondered that statement. "But, he stayed. He never wavered and he fought for what he believed in. I admire him so much. I wasn't lying when I told him that I loved him. But, I think he and I both know that we are not meant to be."

"You keep saying, he. Did Spike tell you what happened in LA?"

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, he told me about his gender change. By the time I ran into him, he was back to his male self. After Spike took the job here at the Council, we had a lot of time to catch up on things. We eventually worked through the hurt we caused each other. But, I knew something else was bugging him." Buffy sat beside Angel and sighed. "Spike is still Spike, but..." She paused.

"What wrong with him, Buffy?" Angel asked with concern.

"He's quieter than before. I mean, he still has his Spike-esque moments, but there is a sadness about him. It took him a few months, but Spike told me everything about LA." Her eyes saddened. "And not just LA, Angel, but from the beginning." Angel looked away. "He has been through so much and he accepts what he has done in his past; the accountability he has for his sins. He knows that he will work for his redemption, but may have to suffer for it." She placed her hand on his cool one. "As do you, Angel." She managed a smile. "He especially told me about you and what you have meant to him, Angel. He is devastated by your actions. He has asked me not to let you know where he is. I pleaded with him. I thought if you could talk, you could work out the issues."

A lone tear traversed Angel's cheek. He whispered, "Please, Buffy. I have to see him. I never got a chance to explain." His chocolate brown eyes pleaded with her. "Even if he can't forgive me, I need to see him. One more time."

Buffy watched as her heart broke for her former lover. "I'll go see if he'll talk to you, okay?" She stood. "Why don't you wait here." Before she left the room, she turned back to Angel. "Where are you staying?"

"Around." Angel answered quietly.

"Well, we have plenty of rooms and we could always use another trainer for the girls." She smiled. "Think about it. I'm going to go talk to Spike."

* * *

Buffy walked slowly to the gymnasium to find Spike. As she stepped towards the entrance, suddenly the door flew open. A myriad of Slayers walked out. Many of them were giggling. "He's sooo cute!" She heard a few of them say. Buffy rolled her eyes and chuckled at the girls. Once they departed, she found Spike replacing the weapons they had used for training.

"Hi, Spike." Buffy said as she waved at her friend.

"Slayer." He answered with a nod as he closed one of the weapons chest. "Was' up, luv? You just missed the session." Spike smiled as he turned to her.

"Um, nothing. Just wanted to see how you were." She forced a smile on her face as her nerves increased.

"Okay." Spike cocked his eyebrow a bit as he noted the odd behavior of Buffy. He shook it off momentarily. "'M supposed to meet your Boy tonight for drinks. Did he say where?"

"Well, maybe that's not such a good idea." Buffy replied as she bit her lip. Spike noticed this gesture. He knew Buffy only did that when she was nervous...or hiding something.

Spike stepped closer to her. "What's goin' on Sla..." Spike abruptly stopped when he smelled the air. He stood in place as his eyes widened. He was silent for a time. Buffy was taken aback by the painful emotions upon his face. He spoke quietly. "He's here." He whispered with a slight tremble to his voice. "How did he find me?"

Buffy was biting her lip again. "W-Well, he didn't exactly know you were here. He called me to come say hello and..."

"And you let him!" Spike's eyes flirted with a yellow hue. "Jesus, Buffy!" He threw his hands in the air and started pacing. "How could you?" Spike's heart started to ache at the betrayal of his former lover.

"Spike, calm down! I wasn't going to say anything, but Andrew barged in and spilled the beans." She crossed her arms. "Anyway, you knew this would happen sooner than later. You know how persistent Angel can be!" She was practically shouting to Spike who had turned his back towards her. Her voice softened as she walked over to the blond vampire and touched his shoulder. "Spike." She felt sadness for him when he turned around. He looked lost. "Angel is a mess, Spike. You really should go talk to him."

He snorted and crossed his arms in defiance. "Well, I'm glad the bastard is sufferin'. Doesn't mean I need to see him." Spike pouted as he continued to stand his ground.

"Remember how I told you that maybe you two should wrestle it out?" She squinted her eyes. "I could force you two, you know. I am strong and there are a hundred plus girls that would help me." She smirked evilly.

"That's blackmail, luv!" Spike said with shock. Buffy's empty threat almost made him smile. But that feeling was short-lived. He looked directly at her as his demeanor changed. He grabbed a cigarette from his pocket and shakily brought it to his mouth. After lighting it, he took a deliberately slow drag. He said quietly, "Don't know if I can face him again, Buffy. Not after everythin'..."

"Spike, whatever you decide, you need closure. You don't have to make any rash decisions. Just listen to what he has to say. Okay?"

After standing for a time in silence, he nodded his head.

"He's in my office." She said as she watched him slowly walk away. She started to laugh. 'When did I turn into a matchmaker for my two former boyfriends?' She thought to herself as she went to discuss a matter with Giles.

* * *

Spike slowly walked towards Buffy's office. His nerves were weighing heavily on him. He was not sure if he had the strength to face Angel. His hand rested on the doorknob for some time. He knew Angel could sense him, but that did not make it easier to take that all important first step. With a deep unneeded breath, he opened the door.

TBC...


	22. Chapter 22

Please keep the reviews coming!

Chapter 22

As the blond vampire walked into Buffy's office, Angel immediately stood. Spike was shocked by his Grandsire's appearance. He was much thinner than before, his hair was not gelled, and he looked older. Sadness emanated off him in waves.

"Will." Angel said quietly as he gazed upon his now male Grandchilde. He was still so beautiful. He looked the same except his hair was not slicked back. His locks were loose and somewhat curly and his big beautiful eyes shined brightly. Angel grew uncomfortable with the silence, so he continued to talk. "You look good." Spike had no expression on his face. "I've been looking for you." The blond vampire still did not respond for a time.

Spike eventually spoke. "Maybe I didn't want to be found." His face still was devoid of emotion. Inside, he was screaming.

"That's fair." Angel responded as they continued to gaze at each other. The dark vampire took a step closer to Spike.

"Don't." Spike said with a trembling voice as the facade he had created was starting to fail.

Angel sighed as he lowered his head for a moment. "I need to talk to you, Spike...explain some things...I know it can't necessarily make up for everything." He paused as he saw Spike mull over his comment. "Could I?" Spike nodded because he did not trust his voice.

Spike walked over to Buffy's desk and sat on it; he needed the support. His legs felt like jelly.

The dark vampire finally, after so long, had the opportunity to explain himself. Ironically, now, he did not know where to begin. His voice shook when he willed himself to commence. He ran a hand through his ungelled locks. "I went to Wolfram and Hart..." He abruptly stopped as he mentally kicked himself. "No, I need to start earlier. From the beginning." Angel said almost manically as he wrapped his arms around himself. Spike watched the display and wondered what had happened to Angel since he saw him last.

Angel turned to Spike. "When Dru made you, I was so angry." He chuckled bitterly. "I thought she went off and made herself the first idiot she ran into on the street." Angel saw Spike look away. "But, I soon saw the qualities that made her choose you: your grace and beauty was unparalleled. She unlocked a passion within you." He said quietly as Spike once again turned his eyes back upon him. His eyes appeared to water. "I wanted you so badly, Will. But, I had never been with a man before and well..." He trailed off.

Spike spoke, his voice rough with emotion. "Penn?" He said softly.

Angel shook his head. "It just wasn't done, at least not in our Family. But mostly, I couldn't because of Darla. She saw the attention I paid to you, and she was jealous. She could sense my arousal building every time you walked into a room." Angel seemed lost in his memories. "Many a night, she beat me for lavishing praise upon you." He said softly, the hint of his Irish brogue returning. "I don't think I understood what I felt for ya, and it made me angry." His eyes pleaded with Spike. "I took my frustrations out on you, Will." He shook his head. "Guess I do that a lot."

He sighed and continued. "Wolfram and Hart brought Darla back as human three years ago. I felt guilty for staking my Sire, so I tried to save her." He looked down. "But, I failed. They brought Drusilla and she sired Darla. " Spike's eyes were wide with that revelation, but he still said nothing. "They went on a killing spree through LA. I went crazy, Will. I did some things that are very regrettable." He closed his eyes at the memory of the lawyers in the wine cellar. "I wanted to punish Darla and Dru, so I set them on fire." He looked up at Spike at that moment.

The blond vampire sat up straighter. "Dru showed up in Sunnyhell with burn scars. That was you?" Spike hissed as he saw Angel nod his head.

"Eventually, I lost the will to fight. I alienated my friends and I could not stop Wolfram and Hart or the girls." He paused. "I wanted to lose my Soul, so I slept with Darla. But what happened with Buffy did not occur with Darla. My soul was safe." Angel could feel the tension rising from Spike. Angel knew how the blond felt about Darla. "She left after that. Things got better, but Darla showed up nine months later pregnant with our child." Again, Spike sat stunned.

"He had a Soul and it made Darla more human. She staked herself and Connor was born. I thought this was a reward. He was the most beautiful baby." Angel's voice choked as a tear slid down his cheek. "But, I should have known that my sins always follow me. Do you remember Holtz?" Spike nodded. "He somehow came to this dimension and manipulated a prophecy and my son was stolen by Wesley. He gave Connor to Holtz and they fled to a hell dimension. He was only a few weeks old." Angel had to stop as the memories of that time flooded through him.

Spike could feel the distress and sadness coming from Angel. He had a small urge to comfort him, but he refused to move.

"A few months later, Connor returned through a portal. He had grown to a young man of sixteen. He had survived such a harsh world and he hated me with every ounce of himself. Holtz had returned with him and eventually killed himself and made it look like I did it. Connor was so distraught that he locked me in a coffin and dumped me in the ocean. I was there for three months." Spike's eyes were wide as he realized what that would do to a vampire.

"Wesley saved me, but things only worsened. Connor was self-destructive and full of such hate." He paused. "While you in Sunnydale were fighting the First, we had our own Apocalypse with the Beast and his Master. They maneuvered and manipulated Cordelia and Connor. But, we prevailed. We had stopped a brainwashing Goddess and Wolfram and Hart came back into the picture and actually congratulated us for ending World Peace!" The absurdity of the situation hit him as he started to pace again. "They offered us the keys to the Palace. Why would I ever take it?" His voice quieted again. "H-He was going to kill himself and Cordelia. To save Connor, I took the deal with Wolfram and Hart. They gave him a new life, new memories, and wiped the memory of him from everyone."

Spike finally spoke. "Even your friends?" Angel nodded.

"I thought it was the only way. So, I made a deal with the devil and dragged my friends into it to save my son." He looked at Spike with tear filled eyes. "You should have seen him with his new family. He was happy, adjusted, and going to college. The deal gave him everything I couldn't." His voice became a whisper.

"There are always consequences to magic." Spike stated after some time. He had not moved any closer to Angel.

"I know..." Angel agreed with his head hung low. "I thought I could handle it. Fight from inside of the belly of the beast. Isn't that what you said?" He chuckled. "We were doing fine for a time, but I began to feel like I was getting swallowed whole. We were compromising our ethics and our mission for evil clients. And it was all my fault." He looked directly at Spike. "The only bright spot was you." Spike looked away.

"I dreamt that Cordelia came to me before she died. She told me that I was off track and she would help me find my way. I didn't understand what she meant at the time. After that, you changed into a woman and you were sick. I was so worried about you, Will. And after you improved, what we shared was so precious to me. I was so happy that if I could lose my Soul, I would have." He stopped when he saw Spike's cheek tremble.

The blond finally spoke. "Do you think that makes me feel good? You're such a bastard, Angel!" He began to pace. "The only reason why you were with me is because I reminded you of all your blond birds! So tell me, was I more like Buffy or Darla?"

"That's not true, Spike!" Angel implored. Spike snorted and turned away. "I've always cared for you..."

"Yeah, and the only time you showed it was when I was in the perfect, convenient package for you." His voice was full of venom. "Admit it, you loved looking like the big hero, swoopin' in and savin' the damsel in distress! Because let me tell ya, Angel, I'd been in trouble before and I didn't see you helpin' then! Just FUCKIN' admit it! You care too much what those around you think. Can't have the mighty Angelus lookin' like a big homo, RIGHT?" His eyes burned yellow.

Angel stood there nearly speechless. "I-I..." He shook his head. "I don't know..."

Spike covered his face with his hands and rubbed roughly at his eyes to will the wetness threatening to fall away. His voice was quiet. "Why...then...why were you acting like you were? I thought it was me..."

Angel's eyes burned with conviction. "No, Will. Don't ever think that! It wasn't you." He paused. "One night while I asleep, I had a vision. I think it was a last message from Cordelia. It scared me so much, Spike. It foretold of a big Battle and...and..." Angel could barely continue. "It showed me the images of true evil; but, it also showed me that everyone around me would fall." He looked at Spike to see if he understood. "If I didn't get away from Wolfram and Hart, all my friends would die. Including you, Will. I couldn't risk it."

"I-I don't understand." Spike stated.

"I felt that I was being watched at all times. By Hamilton, by others. I wanted them to think I relished the role of CEO; I was trying to get close to bring them down a notch. And I was hoping to alienate all of you, so you would leave. I saw no other way to keep you all safe."

"You could have talked to us." Spike said with some anger in his voice.

"And what? I know you. You would have stayed on to help fight tooth and nail."

"Well, it would have at least been my choice. So, am I supposed to be happy that you treated me like shit for a such noble cause!"

"I know I was an asshole. The more I played the role, the closer I got to try to bring them down. Sometimes I didn't know where it ended. I am so sorry how I treated you, Will."

"No, don't WILL me!" Spike fired back. "You did what you had to, right? Damned the consequences! You always do this, Angel. You choose the road to travel and drag everyone else behind you. You make the 'hard choice' for everyone, don't you? You think you're friends wouldn't have understood about Connor? Instead you dive in head first and make the choice for everyone around you! And you call me impulsive!" Spike shook his head. "It's your way or the highway!" He breathed heavily to regain his composure. "What we do contains risk, Angel. We all know that." A few tears fell from his eyes. "If you loved me, you could have shared your burden with me. I thought I finally could trust you. You were everything to me..." He lowered his head. "I just wanted your love, Sire."

"I do love you, Spike!" Angel stepped closer to him.

"I don't know how to believe you anymore." The blond said sadly. The silence in the room was stifling.

Spike took a deep breath and looked up at Angel. His voice was cool and calm, very businesslike. "What happened at Wolfram and Hart then?"

Angel understood that their previous discussion was over for now. He hesitated and then replied. "I infiltrated a secret society called the 'Black Thorn.' They are vessels for the Senior Partners on earth. I was able to take a few of them down covertly. I pissed Wesley, Fred, and Lorne off so much by then that they had left. Gunn was still there and I had him pour over the contract that I had signed. He found a much hidden clause and we left the firm. That was six months ago."

Spike looked at Angel. Once again no expression on his face. "Where are the others?"

"Gunn retained his lawyer upgrade and is helping the less fortunate in LA now."

"Does he know?"

"Yes, towards the end, I told him everything. I knew he was my only shot to get us released from our contracts."

"The others?"

"I think Fred and Wes are traveling. Gunn told them what happened, but I haven't really talked to them. Lorne reopened his club, but we're not really talking either." Angel lowered his head. "I spent a few months in hiding, because I was not sure if the Senior Partners would simply accept us walking away. After that time, I started looking for you."

Spike said quietly as he ignored the last statement. "Your son?"

"When the contracts were voided, all the memories flooded back to everyone. I met briefly with Connor. Some hurt feelings we there, but he ultimately appreciated what I did for him. He is going to stay with his family...where he belongs."

"Well, guess everyone is safe as houses then, eh? Job well done." He nodded his head and turned towards the door.

Angel ran after him. "Spike wait!" He put his hand on the blond's shoulder.

Spike shoved Angel's hand off his arm. "Don't touch me!" Spike briefly morphed into game-face. "What did you think, Angel? That you'd show up and all would be well? You must think I'm stupid!"

"I don't, Spike."

"I've had enough of 'kick the Spike'. I won't do it again. How can I trust you? It may have all been a charade, but it still hurt." Spike's eyes watered. "I've loved you all my unlife. And for most of it, all you showed me was disdain and annoyance. Guess you threw me a crumb for a bit...but then what? You treated me like shit all over again."

"I know..." Angel felt so shamed.

"No, you don't know. You showed me shades of Crazy Angelus, and that scared me. How do I know it won't happen again? I can't risk that. I can't ever risk my heart with you again."

"I love you, Spike."

"What is your definition of love? Pain? Suffering? Heartache? I've done this too many times. I can't be love's bitch anymore. Not with you...not with anybody." Spike's voice choked.

"I know I don't deserve it, but I just want the chance to start over. Even if it's just as friends." Angel pleaded with his Grandchilde.

"You know as well as I do that we can never be friends. Or, don't you remember what I told you and Buffy." His eyes grew cold. "And I was right then, too."

Angel sighed. He knew his efforts were fruitless right now. "Buffy offered me a job here and a place to stay." He could not look Spike in the eye.

Spike snorted and chuckled bitterly. "Of course she did," he mumbled under his breath. "Do what you want, Angel. I ain't your keeper." And with a cold tone of voice he said, "Just stay the hell away from me." He turned and calmly walked out of the office.

* * *

_**From Lover's Walk: BTVS Season 3:**_

"_**You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both.**_

_**You'll fight and you'll shag. **_

_**You'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends.**_

_**Real love isn't brains, children. It's blood. It's blood screaming inside you to work it's will. **_

_**I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."**_

**TBC...**


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23 here:

Spike stalked angrily down the hallway. His duster flowed behind him, snapping with each step. He forcefully opened the door to the office and stormed in.

"What game are you playin' at, Slayer?" Spike's eyes flashed yellow.

Buffy looked up from the table she was sharing with Giles. They were meeting to review evaluations of the newer girls. The blond smiled slightly as her emerald green eyes shined with innocence. "Well, hello to you, Spike. Did we have an appointment?" She tried to keep a straight face while watching Spike vamp out for a moment.

"Bloody hell, Buffy, how could you?" The blond vampire whined as he started pacing around the room.

Buffy looked at Giles as he cleaned his glasses; he looked annoyed over the interruption. "Back up, Spike. What did I do?"

"Don't play the innocent school girl." He warned. "You assigned Angel to help me with the Slayerettes." Spike held his arms out and huffed.

Buffy looked down at her papers nonchalantly. "So?"

"Are you kiddin' me?" Spike shouted. "I don't wanna work with that stupid git!" He walked towards the table.

Buffy stood. "Well, it makes sense. The fighting techniques you and Angel can teach the girls is valuable. And to learn from two Master vampires as yourself? What a benefit for them."

Spike snorted and rolled his eyes. "Flattery will get you no where, Slayer."

"You two have very different styles of combat. The girls can learn a lot from your combined experiences." The Slayer smiled. "And besides, you two worked together for a whole year. This will be no different."

Spike's eyes narrowed. "You did this on purpose."

"Why would I do that? Should I have an ulterior motive for this Spike?" She smiled sweetly.

"Yeah, whatever! Get bent!" Spike huffed as he left the room.

Buffy chuckled as she rejoined Giles at the table.

* * *

Three weeks later...

"Good job, Emily!" Spike said as the young Slayer blocked a punch from the blond vampire. "Pay attention to how she reacted when I tried to hit her." Spike said as he walked in front of the group of girls. "You may lose your stake or whatever weapon you have and need to fight hand to hand with a vamp. You need to be prepared."

The group of girls moved closer to him, as Angel moved behind him. "Vamps are bloody strong, even the fledges. And," Spike vamped, "we always have our weapon." He turned around to Angel and adopted a fighting stance. It was time for a demonstration. Spike smirked at Angel who returned the gesture. The two began their familiar dance. They fought handily. It almost appeared to be a beautifully choreographed sequence of blows and blocks. The beauty of the two vampires fighting so gracefully caused some of the girls to gasp.

After some time, they ceased the display. Spike turned to the group and chuckled as he saw the girls with wide eyes and open mouths. "Here endeth the lessons today, pets." He smiled as he heard the girls whispering to each other how cute the vampires were. He pondered that the next lesson could include a run down of the preternatural abilities of their species.

Spike and Angel suddenly found themselves alone as the last stragglers dissipated.

The dark vampire spoke quietly as he wiped his face with a towel. "You've got yourself quite a fan-club, Spike."

"Yeah. Can you blame them?" He said with a smirk as his tongue rested on his front teeth.

Angel paused before answering. "No, I don't." He smiled and Spike turned away.

Angel was giving Spike his space. He did not try to force conversation with him. He wanted to give Spike the time he needed. But, there were times after class that Angel attempted some small talk. Spike would respond for a time, but usually closed himself off again.

The blond vampire found himself yearning to forgive his Grandsire, but his fear prevented this. He knew Angel was lonely at the Academy and part of him wanted him to suffer. At times when Spike had drinks with the staff or with Buffy and her fiance Alex, he wanted to ask Angel to join them. But, he always stopped himself.

Angel could sense the conflict within his Grandchilde. The two stood staring at each other for some time. Spike finally broke the silence.

"Well, I should go." He forced a smile on his face and turned to start walking away.

Angel responded. "I won't give up you know."

"What?" Spike gazed at the dark vampire with a confused look upon his face.

"I'm not going anywhere." Angel said with conviction. "Even if it gets hard, I'm not running away or making excuses. Not anymore." He sighed. "I hope you can forgive me."

Spike's eyes looked pained as he clenched his cheeks and took a deep breath. "Don't."

Angel stepped closer. "Don't what? Don't tell you that I'm sorry? Don't tell you that I love you? Well, I'm tired of hiding my feelings. I LOVE YOU, WILL. Nothing and nobody will ever change that." He paused as his voice choked. "I'll wait as long as I have to...I'll wait an eternity if it means that you can give me another chance..." He paused.

"Could be a long time...if ever..." Spike said sadly as he looked to the floor.

"I know." Angel whispered and looked down a moment. "I'm not getting any older...I can be patient..." He smiled slightly.

Spike looked into Angel's chocolate brown eyes and nearly spoke again, but he closed his mouth. He smiled sadly as his eyes watered. He forced himself to walk away.

* * *

On most nights, Angel chose the solitude of his room to read classic novels. But tonight, he felt the walls closing in on him. He felt stifled and needed some fresh air. He walked down the streets of London and found himself in front of a nondescript pub. After ordering a bottle of their finest aged Irish whiskey, he settled into a booth in the back of the establishment. He poured himself his first drink and savored the flavor that reminded him of times past. He watched with some interest those around him.

* * *

Spike was on a high after tracking down a few vampires to dust. He was not quite ready ready to return to the Academy. He stopped into the first pub he came across. As he ordered his scotch, he felt a familiar tingle down his spine. As he turned his head, he saw his Grandsire sitting in the corner sipping a drink. 'Poncey brooder' he thought to himself as he gulped his drink. He pondered making a quick exit before Angel sensed him. Instead he muttered, "What the hell," and sauntered over to the dark vampire's table.

Angel was deep in thought that he was startled when he heard, "So you tryin' for alcohol poisoning or what?" Spike said with a smirk on his face as he gazed down at the half empty bottle.

Angel looked up and smiled. "You know I can drink more than this."

"That was back in the day, mate. Although, you bein' a mick and all that, probably can still hold your own." Spike responded as he sat down. At first the two vampires stared at the other. Finally, Angel reached over and filled Spike's glass. Spike nodded his appreciation and took a hearty swig. As the burn settled in his belly, the blond vampire leaned back. "Good shit that is." Angel nodded in agreement. "So, decided to bring your broodin' outside?"

"I don't brood. I'm just thinking."

"Sure you are." Spike snorted. He was not sure if he wanted to open any doors, but decided to ask a question. "Thinkin' about what?"

"Buffy." Angel answered as he looked at Spike.

"Oh." Spike said trying to hide his disappointment. In his voice. Angel sensed the deflated nature of Spike's statement.

"I was thinking about how happy I am for her. Alex is a great guy and the two seem to be happy together."

Spike's eyes narrowed with suspicion. "Really? You don't wish it was you?"

"Not at all." Angel answered as he sipped his drink. "Things ended up the way it was meant to."

Spike bit his lower lip. "Even if you were human? Would you feel the same way?"

Angel looked directly in Spike's eyes. "I told you before, Spike. Buffy and I are not soulmates. I will always care for her, but I don't love her..." he trailed off before he added 'but I love you.' He did not want to incite an emotional reaction from Spike. The blond vampire sat back in the booth, his tightened muscles relaxing.

Angel added. "Should be a nice ceremony."

"Yeah, but did you see the invite? BLACK bloody TIE! I think she did it on purpose to piss me off. 'M sure you're happy to wear a tux with you being a big pouf an' all."

"There's nothing wrong with getting dressed up occasionally, Spike." Angel chuckled as he saw Spike roll his eyes. "It's been awhile since I was in a tuxedo. The gang and I went to see 'Giselle' some years back." He spoke quietly and looked down as the memories of that time flowed through him.

Spike noticed his Grandsire's mood changed at the mention of his friends. "'S ok, mate."

"I know." Angel's eyes teared. "Sometimes I miss them so much."

"Maybe you can track 'em down. 'M sure Fred would love to see ya." Spike smiled at the thought of her.

"I think I need to give them some time. Who knows if they even want to see me. At least Gunn told them the whole story."

"They'll learn to forgive, Angel." Spike said quietly as he smiled. Angel looked up and for the first time in awhile, Spike's face held no trace of anger.

"Yeah, I hope they can." Angel noticed the empty bottle in front of him. "Well, I'm ready to call it a night." He paused, daring himself to continue. "I'm going to head back. Do you want to walk with me?" He added nervously.

Spike thought for a moment. "Sure. Don't feel like getting' pissed tonight anyways. Let's go."

They exchanged no words as they walked through the cool London night. But the tension that had been so palpable the last few months was gone.

Spike reached his floor as the elevator came to a halt. "Well, this is me." He nearly leaned in to capture Angel's lips in a kiss, but he held himself back. There was electricity in the air between the two. "Well, um. See you tomorrow in class."

"Yeah." Angel almost panted. "Tomorrow." The elevator doors closed.

TBC... One chapter to go...


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24 – THE END

Short little chapter to wrap things up...

Spike growled as he attempted to place the bowtie of his tux on correctly. "Poncey, bloody tie!" He shouted as he let it fall around his neck. He opened the door to his room and walked quickly down the hall. He banged on the door in front of him.

"Red! Are you there?" He yelled. He heard some rustling and voices behind the door. He smirked as Willow finally opened it. "Interrupt somethin', Pet?" He shook his eyebrows as Willow blushed.

"No, Spike. Kennedy was just helping me with my dress." She said as she stepped aside.

"What do you want, Big Bad?" Kennedy spat out as Spike walked in.

"Always the pleasant one, kid." Spike hissed back.

"I'm not a kid!" Kennedy huffed as she sat down on the couch.

Spike rolled his eyes as he turned to Willow. "A little assistance here, pet?" He said as he stepped towards the witch with his neck extended. "'elp a bloke out, luv."

"Sure, Spike." Willow said cheerfully as she aided her friend. She adeptly fixed the blond vampire's tie. "There you go." She lightly patted his shoulder as she stepped back to admire her work. "You look good." She said with a smile.

"Like what you see?" He smirked as he shook his eyebrows and then laughed as Willow blushed again. She pushed him towards the door.

"We'll see you after the ceremony, Spike." Willow replied as she shut the door.

* * *

Spike chuckled as he walked down the hallway. He had some time to kill before Buffy's wedding. He climbed the stairs of the Academy and found his usual spot where he could grab a smoke. He sat on the ledge and opened the window slightly. He began to relax as he took his first drag. He sat contemplating the crossroads he was at with Angel. They were getting along better now; they were forging a new friendship. But it was obvious they both wanted more. Spike's fear kept him from taking that next step with his Sire. Could he risk his heart again? After smoking half a pack, Spike shook his head as he rubbed his eyes. 'I'm turnin' into a brooder.' He thought to himself.

He jumped gracefully off the ledge and descended the grand stairs. He walked towards the exit into the garden where the ceremony was to take place. He saw many guests filing in; the young Slayers stood around excitedly discussing the upcoming nuptials. He stopped briefly to talk with the Whelp who had recently arrived from Cleveland. He felt warmed as he received a huge hug from the Nibblet. He stood back and marveled at how much Dawn had grown in the last few years. Through emails and phone conversations, he was happy that they had been able to repair their fractured friendship.

Spike walked into the garden to look for a place he could sit during the ceremony. Across the lush garden, he saw Angel taking a seat near the front. Spike nearly gasped at the beauty of his Sire. He looked gorgeous in his tuxedo; the cut suited the dark vampire's newly lean body. Spike looked around again and then decided to join Angel.

"Hey." Spike said quietly and smiled slightly when Angel looked up.

"Oh, hi." Angel responded.

"This seat taken?" Spike gestured to the empty seat .

"Not at all." Angel smiled as his eyes traveled up and down Spike's body. "You look really nice." He said, almost shyly.

"The tux is so poncey...but 'm sure I look good..." Spike answered in a mocking tone .

"See? I told you that it doesn't hurt to dress up once in a while."

"That's your thing, mate. I gotta be me." He said with a smile as he held up his feet so Angel could see. Angel laughed as he saw that instead of the customary tuxedo shoes, Spike donned his usual Doc Martens.

The two settled into a comfortable silence when they realized the ceremony was about to start. The London evening was cool and the garden was softly lit. The scent of jasmine filled the air. The vampires watched as Buffy's fiance Alex and his best man took their place at the front near the minister. In the corner, a harpist began playing melodious music. Willow, dressed in a beautiful lilac satin dress, walked slowly down the aisle escorted by Xander. Shortly after the two Scoobies , Dawn followed. She smiled widely with pride. She took her place in front of Willow and winked at Alex. There was silence for a moment and suddenly the wedding march began. The guests stood and turned to face the bride. Buffy looked beautiful with her hair swept up; she wore a strapless off-white gown made of satin. She was stunning. She smiled at her future husband and they both had tears in their eyes. She was escorted by Giles who looked so proud of his Slayer. The Watcher presented Buffy to Alex and took his seat.

The ceremony was simple. There were a few readings and the couple exchanged personal vows. The two teared as they declared their love for each other in their own words.

As they promised to love each other until the end of time, Spike looked at Angel from the corner of his eye. He swallowed heavily as he gathered courage. His hand shook as he slowly reached for Angel's hand and squeezed. Angel startled for a moment as he looked down and saw that Spike was holding his hand. His undead heart jumped as they looked into each other's eyes. He saw hope, love, and a future in Spike's beautiful blue eyes. The dark vampire's eyes watered and a single tear fell. Spike reached up and gently wiped it and smiled.

* * *

The reception occurred in the great hall. The two vampires never strayed far from the other. They had not had a chance to talk about what occurred outside, but they knew they had time. For now, they celebrated with their friends and co-workers.

"I'll be back, luv." Spike said to Angel as he stood from the table.

"Are you alright?" The dark vampire asked with concern.

"Yeah, gonna grab me a fag outside." Angel nodded and turned back to talk to Willow.

Spike lit up as he again stepped into the cool night air. He looked up at the stars and took in a deep breath. He still marveled at the freshness of the London air as opposed to when he grew up in Victorian times. He was lost in his thoughts when he suddenly heard a woman clear her throat.

"Spike."

Spike turned to the voice. "Hello, Hallie. What brings you to this neck of the woods? Haven't made any wishes as of yet, tonight, but 'm not properly pissed yet either." He said lightly.

"Now, now, I changed you back, didn't I ?" She smiled sweetly.

"That you did, pet. That you did." Spike took a slow drag and tilted his head. "Why did you?"

"You did make the wish when you were drunk." She said as she flipped her hair. "And you looked so sad and desperate the last time I saw you. I felt bad."

"Woah...careful pet, thought vengeance demons didn't have a conscience?"

Halfrek chuckled. "A momentary lapse, I can assure you. I was only newly taken back into the fold. Temporary jitters." She paused. "Sorry it didn't work out for you."

Spike took the last puff from his cigarette and threw it to the ground. He snuffed it out with his boot as he grinned. "Don't be so sure about that, pet." He said as he saw Angel walk into the garden. The dark vampire paused at the door.

Spike leaned in and kissed the demon on the cheek. "Ta. Take care of yourself, Cecily."

"You too, William." The two smiled at each other; Halfrek threw her hands in the air and disappeared.

* * *

Spike sauntered up to Angel.

"Who was that?" The older vampire asked as he looked back at the smoke.

"Halfrek. She was the demon who turned me into a bird."

"Was she bothering you?"

"Not at all. She was just visiting." Spike placed his hand on Angel's cheek. "No worries, Peaches." The blond vampire gazed lovingly up at his Sire. "Let's get out of here."

Angel grinned. "Where do you want to go?"

"Your room. My room. I don't bloody care."

"Okay." Angel answered as the two re-entered the reception area. Spike grabbed his jacket and they said their goodbye's to everyone. They began to walk out when they saw Buffy on the dance floor with Alex. She smiled at the two, blew a kiss and winked. Angel smiled and Spike shook his head. He chuckled to himself as he mumbled about meddling Slayers. The two headed out.

* * *

As they walked back to Spike's room, the two felt nervous flutters in their stomach. Spike opened the door but had to steady his shaking hand. The blond vampire threw his jacket on the floor, as Angel carefully laid his on the back of a chair. They stood watching each other before they eventually burst out laughing.

"You'd think we were two teenagers, yeah?" Spike said as his laughter died down and he took a step closer to Angel.

"I know." Angel said as he followed suit. "No need to be nervous, right? It's not like we haven't kissed before."

"Yeah, but that was different. Wasn't it?" He was in front of Angel and he looked up. Their eyes met the other and they quickly started ravaging each other's lips. The kiss was frantic and passionate. One hundred years of sexual tension poured into the kiss. They broke apart panting.

"Will, we have an eternity..." Angel said as he stroked Spike's cheek. He slowly bent down and kissed his grandechilde's forehead. He worked his way down Spike's beautiful face and once again captured his lips. This time, he slowly licked the blond's succulent lips and slowly kissed him. Gone was the frantic nature of the previous moments. This kiss was about love.

"Ghods, Will." Angel said as his eyes watered. "I love you so much..."

"Liam...love you too..." Spike answered as he felt a tear hit his face. The two came apart and walked hand and hand to the bedroom. Angel began unbuttoning his shirt and then he slipped out of his pants and boxers. Spike followed and divested himself from his clothes as well. The two stood admiring the other's body. They were beautiful.

Angel leaned in and began kissing Spike again as they lay down on the bed. Spike pulled away for a moment. "What's wrong, Spike?"

The blond vampire shyly looked down. "Well...'m not sure what to do."

Angel smiled. "Well, I've never done this with a man either...but I've been reading..."

Spike's head snapped up and he slyly grinned. "Cheeky bastard..."

"We'll figure it out." Angel grinned back. "We may need lots of practice."

"And that's a bad thing?" Spike chuckled and leaned in to kiss his love. The two groaned with pleasure.

"I love you, Angel."

"I love you too, Spike. You're mine and I'm yours...always and forever, my Childe."

FINIS

AN: Thank you to all who have taken the time to comment. It means a lot to a fanfic writer that people can enjoy what you have written. Please take time to offer feedback to writers, it makes all the difference in the world!

MarieC (AKA MarieP, Marie72)


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